Mark Prior Injured: A Day That Will Live in Infamy

Mark Prior, born September 7th, 1980, was laid to pitching rest early Sunday.

Doctors performed season-ending surgery on his right shoulder. Absolutely no one saw this coming, AT ALL. Padres GM Kevin Towers didn’t see this coming. We didn’t see it coming (and we have a Mark Prior crystal ball!). So who did? We can only assume an evil, devilish deity is responsible for this pitching tragedy.

Let’s take a look back at this young man’s unfortunate life. Even from the day of inception, Mark William Prior was destined for injury.

1980 A clumsy prenatal worker drops baby Mark on his pitching shoulder. He is sent to Baby AA, where he recovers thumb sucking form rather quickly.

1992 Sixth grade Mark breaks arm in unfortunate outfield accident. Cubs sign Prior after learning he can throw a 101 mph heater—he and actor Gary Busey make dangerous 1-2 combo. Funky buttloving!

2001 Mark Prior injured receiving esteemed Dick Howser Trophy from alma mater USC. Steve Bartman later claims responsibility.

2004 French paparazzi get in wild car chase with Prior’s achilles tendon. Several bodily causalities occur.

2008 Prior’s arm is laid to rest in San Diego, several gravestones away from Mike Hampton’s left elbow and Darren Daulton’s psyche.

We had this entire sepia-toned slideshow prepared of images of Mark throughout the years, with Soul Asylum’s “Runaway Train” blaring in the background.

Unfortunately, we let Dusty Baker get a hold of the video and he literally played the shit out of it, so we don’t have that anymore. But we do have the memories, and we will always cherish the times when we went “Hot damn! Mark Prior is injured yet again!”