Ted Williams Hits For Cycle

News item from NBCSports.com news services, Oct. 2, 2009: The New York Daily News is reporting that Red Sox Hall of Famer Ted Williams’ severed head was mistreated at an Arizona cryonics facility, according to details from a new book.

In “Frozen,” Larry Johnson, a former executive at the Alcor Life Extension Foundation in Scottsdale, Ariz., writes that Williams’ head, which had been severed and frozen for storage, was abused at the facility. Johnson claims a technician took baseball-like swings at Williams’ frozen head with a monkey wrench.

(April 29, 3009) BOSTON – Ted Williams returned to life and the Boston Red Sox lineup today and led the Red Sox to a 16-15 win over the New York Yankees.

“Teddy Ballgame” as he was known in his previous life hit for the cycle in an amazing display of offense. Williams becomes the first ex-major leaguer to hit for the cycle. In fact, he becomes the first human being to come back to life through cryonics.

Williams did not talk to reporters following the game. The Red Sox released a statement saying that Williams is unable to speak.

A Red Sox official who requested anonymity said that Williams had just woken and was in no mood to speak to reporters.

It's unclear whether Williams can’t speak as a result of blows to the head with a monkey wrench suffered at the hands of a technician at Alcor Life Extension Foundation, the cryonics facility where Williams severed head was kept in frozen storage in Scottsdale, Ariz., as reported in the 2009 book “Frozen.”  

Media at the game speculated that Williams simply didn’t want to talk to reporters. Williams didn't spit once during the game, a Major League Baseball record unlikely to be surpassed. It was speculated that Williams’ head dried out while in a severed, cryonically suspended state and that his throat and mouth were too dry to allow him to speak. It also was speculated that Williams’ head and body might not be totally in sync. If true, prospects for him to be the first major leaguer to bat .400 since he batted .406 in 1941 could be in jeopardy.    

Other than dents to one side of his head, Williams looked no worse for the wear. Perhaps the highlight of the game came in the fifth inning when Williams lined a foul ball off a heckler’s face. The heckler, sitting in the stands along Fenway Park’s third-base side, had been chiding Williams to hit a “frozen rope.”