The Emasculation of a Man in 90 Minutes

5:35pm - You come home from work and the wife surprises you with front row tickets to the Rockies game.  Front row!  You haven’t had tickets like this in your lifetime and will be so close to the field you’ll probably be able to reach out and give a fist pound to Todd Helton.  Todd freaking Helton! 

5:45 – Your wife informs you that she is taking the extra ticket.  But she promises that you can stay the entire game, with no complaints from her.  People will probably be calling you all night on your cell phone since you’ll be on TV!

6:00 – As you put on your croakies and grab your keys to head down to Coors Field, your wife emerges from the bedroom wearing her “lucky” Rockies hat.  Now there’s a pretty good chance you’ll be on TV across the entire Rockies network sitting next to your wife wearing a giant purple cowboy hat complete with pins she’s collected at gas stations across the state.  Things have taken a slight turn for the worse, but those seats are still pretty cool. 

6:15 – You are informed that the dog is coming along too.  You’ve tried to convince her that dogs aren’t allowed but apparently if it’s under 15 pounds it’s allowed.  She’s done her research.###MORE###

6:16 – No matter how much negotiating – no, begging – you do, she is dead set on the dog not only going to the game with you but also wearing his lucky Rockies hat too.

7:00 – In a little over one hour, you have gone from scoring front row tickets to a Rockies game to scoring front row tickets to a Rockies game…with your wife…who is wearing a purple cowboy hat…and your dog…who is also wearing a purple Rockies hat.  How could things possibly get worse?

7:10 – You’re informed that the dog will be sitting on your lap for the duration of the game.  Instead of giving you a fist pound, Todd Helton laughs at you.

Is this game almost over?

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