Baseball Is Boring, but It Doesn't Have To Be!

It’s like we’re seven years old again. It’s Dec. 8th and Christmas is just a couple of weeks away. But Jesus Christ, does it feel like 50 years, not 2 weeks. We just want it to get here. We’re tired of waiting...will the playoffs just hurry up and freaking get here already?!

All do apologies to the sad sack franchises limping to the finish line, but watching the Cardinals trounce a thoroughly demoralized Astros team that just canned their manager with 13 games to go in front of 10 thousand people is about as fun to watch as Megan Fox trying on burkas. We know what’s underneath, waiting—let’s go ahead and skip ahead to the good stuff, eh?

And by no means is this laissez-faire attitude exclusive to the NL Central. It’s rampant around Major League Baseball. The Angels, Yankees, and Tigers are in. So are the Red Sox, Dodgers, Phillies, and Rocks. Sorry Minnesota and San Fran, it’s over. Lights out. See everyone in ’10.

Now the playoffs are going to be kick ass, or at least they look to be on paper. But this little business of wrapping up the regular season is starting to take its toll on the enjoyment quotient of 2009.

Hell, even the regular season awards are pretty much engraved, sans the NL Cy Young. We’ve entered a very boring time of year to be a baseball fan. And frankly, it sucks.

So what can we do? How can we fight through this malaise?

1. Watch the AAA National Championship tonight on ESPN 2. It features the AAA affiliates of the St. Louis Cardinals (Memphis Redbirds) and the Tampa Bay Rays (Durham Bulls) and is a winner-take-all one game showdown in Oklahoma City, OK.

Kind of like game seven of the World Series if nobody actually cared about the World Series! For Cardinal fans, you’ll recognize players like Brian Barden, David Freese, and others that have been up with the big club, so it won’t be totally uncomfortable to root for the Redbirds.

Plus more people will be in the stadium than at the Cardinals game in Houston.

2. Smoke weed and/or drink alcohol. It may be a hackneyed way to amuse yourself, but many things, including boring regular season games, are much better when you’re under the influence. If you have a trained dog to fetch you beers or if you grow pot in your backyard, even better. You’re the heartbeat of America.

Suck it Chevy.

3.Compare and contrast Cardinal team songs from 1985 and from 2009. Which one is better? Why?

Side: Yes, the Glenn Frey video is actually from 1992, but anytime you can post a link to a YouTube video that includes Arsenio Hall in the sickest purple suit you’ve ever laid eyes on, you have to do it.

Right now, I’m giving the slight edge to "The Heat is On", just for the simple fact that Rasmus Girl hasn’t been fully embraced by the Nation yet. This could change in October, though.

Now get out there people. Quit wasting your time. A watched pot never boils. The longer we sit here and just wait for the postseason, the longer it feels.