The New York Week That Was (Joba Rules Edition)

The Yankees have instituted a new set of Joba Rules. Joba Chamberlain will now pitch every fifth day but his innings will be limited. That may help his arm, but it won’t help him learn how to pitch (or help the bullpen).

They scrapped their previous plans of having him pitch every day but only throwing one pitch, having him pitch once a year, and having him pitch every fifth day with no pitch count but he’d be loaned out to another team. There are some other, little-known sets of rules around town that we just learned about.

The Ollie Rules: Right before Oliver Perez went on the DL, the Mets were about to install some new guidelines for the erratic lefty. The team was going to make him pitch every single day (even if no game was scheduled) in the hopes he would suffer a career-ending injury, which would free them from his contract.

The A-Rod Rules: The Yankees had no choice but to limit Alex Rodriguez’s time in front of a mirror, as he was late getting back onto the field every inning. He can now only gaze lovingly at himself before and after games.

The Pelfrey Rules: The Mets are limiting Mike Pelfrey’s balks to three a month in order to keep his embarrassment count down.

The Wilpon Rules: The Wilpons will only be allowed to lose $700 million once in a lifetime. If they can’t be trusted with that kind of money, then no more allowance for them.

And here at Hot Stove New York, they once even put into place The Jeff Freier Rules, where I could only post on the website twice a week. They were ostensibly worried about my coming down with Carpal Tunnel Syndrome, but I recently found out the real reason – they think I’m an idiot.

Players of the Week

Andy Pettitte and Pat Misch: We had a tie this week. Each lefty pitcher received 27 votes (why I voted 54 times is unclear), so they settled it the old-fashioned way—by seeing who could eat the most liverwurst sandwiches. That also resulted in a deadlock, so we have two winners this week.

The Yankee veteran was perfect with two outs in the seventh inning on Monday night, when Jerry Hairston Jr. made an error (the utility player was then forced to commit hari-kari for dishonoring the team). And you know what usually happens next. We don’t even have to say it.

Pettitte did pitch eight innings and notched his fourth straight win. He hasn’t lost since July 25th, and Monday’s victory was his 190th as a Yankee, which moved him into third place on the all-time Bombers list. Whitey Ford is first (236), Red Ruffing second (231), while Mike Kekich is still stuck on 31.

Misch pitched two outstanding games this week. Last Friday in Wrigley he went seven innings and only allowed one run (but lost the chance for a win after Brian Stokes took one step onto the field, after which the reliever would have committed hari-kari, but the Mets have already been dishonored so many times this season that he didn’t bother).

Yesterday, the 28-year-old lefty impressed again with seven strong innings and picked up his first career win. He had the dubious distinction of having his team be on the losing end of his first 12 career starts, which ties him for the major league record. Those last two starts officially make him the Mets ace.

Runners Up

CC Sabathia: The Cy Young candidate threw seven innings, striking out nine and only giving up a run on Wednesday. He now leads the AL in wins with 16, to go along with his 3.48 ERA.

The Fill-in Guys: Sergio Mitre, Nelson Figueroa, and Tim Redding looked like...well, they were so good this past week that they didn’t look like Sergio Mitre, Nelson Figueroa and Tim Redding.

The Yankees Offense: The new Murderer’s Row is unstoppable. We’ll just list them here lumped together every week. Robinson Cano’s hitting walk-off home runs, Nick Swisher’s on fire, Jorge Posada’s driving in four runs in one game, and on and on and on.

Josh Thole: The 22-year-old catcher (who was born the day NYC threw the ‘86 Mets their ticker-tape parade) made his major league debut and it was a memorable one. He singled, doubled and even stole a base.

Mark Sanchez/Hakeem Nicks: The Jets’ first-round draft pick got better with every game and looks ready for the season. The Giants’ first-rounder caught three TD passes this week (but for now we’ll gloss over the fact that they all came against third-string scrubs).

David Wright: He’s back in the lineup after getting conked in the coconut, and he’s better than ever. He went 4 for 8 and drove in three runs in his few games back.

Schmuck of the Week

David Wright’s Giant Batting Helmet: It lasted all of one game, thank god. Like the Mets need to give people more material to make fun of them.