Jose Canseco Says Human Beings Will Rule the Galaxy by Traveling Via Comet

Jose Canseco laid down a line of rock-solid scientific logic Thursday afternoon, waxing poetic about comets and their untapped potential as intergalactic taxi cabs.

Inspired by the Philae spacecraft landing on a speeding comet, Canseco decided to drop some heavy knowledge about this monumental coup for science and what it means for human space travel. 

Canseco begins by explaining how comets will save humanity.

He points out that using comets isn’t a new thing. Galactic Beings are a solid synth-rock band, and they’ve been using comets for a while now.

They’re basically supercharged space Priuses (Prii?).

Canseco then imagined rich strip-mining and sightseeing economies opening up throughout the galaxy thanks to comets.

We will reign over the TransNebulan Confederation and bend all other beings to our will through space tourism! 

He’s already stamped his name on the taxi comets of the future. We will all ride "Cansecomets."

Canseco’s tweets add another chapter to his Twitter sagas, which to date have included other thought-provoking discussions on ancient earth gravity and how global warming could’ve saved the Titanic.

Start buying futures in high-speed celestial bodies, everyone. They’re cosmic Ubers without the forced small talk.

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