Cardinals Trade For Holliday; Mustache Pending

We’re not really into the “breaking news” business, so by now, you’ve probably heard that the St. Louis Cardinals have essentially given up the farm (literally) for Oakland slugger, Matt Holliday. If you’re interested in numbers, contracts or exactly how bad Billy Bean shoved his proverbial boot up St. Louis’ proverbial ass for the second time in the past five years…you can get that somewhere else.

Frankly, we’re more concerned with how a traded player reacts to being traded to a team full of porn ’staches. Is that brought up in the negotiations?

"

Look, Matt…we’re very interested in acquiring you, hitting you behind Albert…but you’re going to need to sprout some upper lip fur. You know, a lower nose beard of sorts. Does that seem like something you can do? K, great.

"

It’s all very baffling. For that reason, we’ve provided several examples for Mr. Holliday to consider.

Personally, the Clark Gable style in the bottom row, second from the right, tickles our fancy. Take note, Holliday.

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