Nationals' Best Pitcher Not Yet on Nationals

Next Tuesday, the most exciting draft in sports hits us like a hangover poop at 8:15 a.m.: Suddenly and explosively. Most of the explosion this year will be coming from your soon-to-be most dominant pitcher in DC: Stephen Strasburg.

If you're unfamiliar with the guy, he can be summed up thusly: "He may be the best pitcher in the world." He throws some high-90s cheese, and also, this: "His breaking ball is a plus-plus slider, with two-plane break that's virtually unhittable."

Pretty awesome considering he used to be plus-plus pants size.

He was a walk-on at San Diego State, and with head coach Tony Gwynn mentoring him, he's developed into the second coming. Always heartwarming when pimple-faced fatsos become athletic studs.

L to R: Stephen Strasburg's Mother, Aunt, Senior Prom Date, and

Stephen Strasburg at age 17. [image via Colonel Robert Neville]

Mostly, I can't be bothered to like the Nats, though I'm trying my damndest, and the prospect of rooting for this flame-throwing Aztec certainly intrigues me.

A source within the Nats organization denied that the drafting and signing of Strasburg is a done deal (he wants $50 million—gangsta), which means it's definitely a done deal, since the Nats organization is filled with liars. Kidding.

Then again, CBS Sportsline already labeled him a Nat. That makes it official.

We talk a lot about hope around here, and any time you can add a once-in-a-generation ace, it can change the course of an entire franchise. But I'll believe it when I see it. His arm looks like a rubber dildo of death in the above video, and I'm no Doctor James Andrews, but that can't be natural.

Whether some overambitious minor league coach gets his hands on him and/or a desperate Manny Acta totally screws it up by overpitching the kid remains to be seen.

Here's hoping he's the next Nolan Ryan and not the next Mark Prior.