Fantasy Baseball: It's What Was Eating Gilbert Grape

Chris Murphy@@SeeMurphsTweetsAnalyst IMay 18, 2009

PHOENIX - APRIL 29:  Relief pitcher Kevin Gregg #63 of the Chicago Cubs pitches against the Arizona Diamondbacks during the game at Chase Field on April 29, 2009 in Phoenix, Arizona. The Diamondbacks defeated the Cubs 10-0.  (Photo by Christian Petersen/Getty Images)

This just in—Chris Murphy holds open-door meeting for his closers due to the fact the press can hear him screaming anyway. 

Murphy started the meeting by punching Kevin Gregg in the face.  Gregg was shocked at Murphy's disregard for the rule that you never punch a man with glasses. 

What To Do!

Kevin Gregg—0-1, 6.06 era, 19 Ks, 10 walks, 6 saves, 1.78 WHIP

Drop him and do not look back.  The only thing keeping him alive as the closer for the Chicago Cubs is the fact that Carlos Marmol is hurt.

In fact, Gregg gave up four runs in the bottom of the 9th yesterday without getting an out.  He should probably get his glasses checked.

Murphy informed the team he had signed C.J. Wilson, Juan Cruz and Latroy Hawkins while putting Frank Francisco, Joakim Soria and Jose Valverde on the DL.  When he found out that the team "Lloyd Christmas" had already picked up C.J. Wilson he threw a chair which struck Brad Ziegler and Fernando Rodney.  Murphy then said, "Well everyone else is hitting you two so I figured I would join the club."  

What To Do!

Brad Ziegler—0-0, 4.40 era, 11 Ks, 4 walks, 4 saves, 1.67 WHIP

Ziegler is not really bringing anything to the table.  He is not striking out too many batters nor getting many saves, and his era is nothing to write home about.  He has given up five earned runs in his last three appearances.  If you have two other good closers, then I would say drop him because the Athletics are looking for any excuse to play Joey Devine as the closer when he gets healthy.

Fernando Rodney—0-0, 4.50 era, 11 Ks, 4 walks, 6 saves, 1.21 WHIP

Rodney had a bad appearance two games ago in a non-save situation, but has settled back down in his last two appearances.  Hold on to him because his WHIP is good and the Tigers really have no one else set up to close, so his job is safe. 

Murphy addressed the Brandon Morrow situation saying, "If your first name were Tom then I would hold on to." 

Morrow gave Murphy a blank stare, Murphy showed him the door and threw a chair at him. 

What To Do!

Brandon Morrow—0-3, 9.72 era, 9 Ks, 10 walks, 6 saves, 2.28 WHIP

Drop him not tomorrow, but today. 

Morrow has been stripped of his closer role and the Mariners have given the job to David Aardsma.

Murphy ended the meeting by informing his closers that they are being used for one category and if they hurt his team's era or whip then they will be dropped no matter how many saves they have.  He also told Brian Wilson if he ends another game with his little "X" sign again then he will be taken out back and shot. 

Murphy then explained to Bleacher Report with the use of many expletives that he hated his team and he wishes he had more chairs.


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