Carl Crawford Steals Six Bases, Tells Dexter Fowler to "Suck It"

"When I saw everyone going crazy about [Dexter] Fowler last week just because he stole five bases in one game I thought, 'Pshh, these people better recognize!'  So now I showed them what's up."

Carl Crawford did not say this after tonight's 5-3 victory over the rival Boston Red Sox.  But it would have been cool if he did.

It also would've been cool if after being asked if he had a message for Fowler he responded, "Dude, did you see the game?  I think that was a pretty strong message."

Then if he had been asked to put the display into a verbal message he said. "Yo Dexter, suck it!  Your name is weak, your skills are weak, and you are ugly.  My Grandmother is faster than you and she's dead.  Watching you run the bases is like watching a monkey try to fly a space ship.  What?  Word to your mother." 

It would've been sweet if he said that.  Then Crawford should have jumped up and did the Degeneration-X "suck it" jump like X-Pac used to do back in the glory days of WWF.

Many reporters were surprised to hear Crawford bring looks into the discussion as he was simply recognized as "The guy who looked like he was always wearing eye liner" for the first years of his career.

Luckily, reporters were able to track down all 25 Rays fans who attended the game and they were polled as to whether they thought Crawford was more attractive Fowler.

4 Answered Yes.

2 Answered No.

10 Did not know what Fowler looked like

3 Did not know what Crawford looked like

6 disqualified themselves as they weren't actually Rays fans but they had just won the tickets on a local radio show.

Will Fowler have a response to Crawford's goading?  Will he stumble upon this article and think Crawford actually said these things leading to a full 15 minutes of coverage on Sports Center tomorrow? 

One can only hope.

*The remaining 7 Tampa Bay Rays fans could not be reached by phone in time for this article's publication.