Scott Van Pelt Gets Super-Sized in New SportsCenter Commercial with CC Sabathia

"My stylist hooked it up."

Despite all their Tebowmania transgressions, the characters at ESPN's SportsCenter will always win their way back into our good graces with a perfectly deadpan "This is SportsCenter" commercial.

Their most recent spot involves Steve Levy, New York Yankees pitcher CC Sabathia and a monstrously obese Scott Van Pelt, of course.

In the commercial, Levy and Sabathia are talking about the slimming nature of pinstripes. Vertical stripes are a big plus for big men, especially a gentleman like Sabathia, whose physical stats clock in at a healthy 6’8”, 288 pounds.

On the other hand, horizontal stripes can turn a bear of a man into a two-legged trailer house, as Van Pelt proves when he walks in wearing a full fat suit, looking like a business-professional version of Violet Beauregarde. 

What’s impressive about this video isn’t really the joke—it’s not exactly a rib-killer in terms of physical humor—it’s the detail of the fat on Van Pelt. The sportscaster isn’t just wearing a bacon-back fat suit, he’s sporting a humdinger of a blubber chin as well.  

That’s art, people. That’s taking it up a notch. You cannot teach that. 

All in all, this SportsCenter commercial earns a “C” grading for Humor, a “B+” for Originality and an “A-” for Execution, for an overall grade of “B.”

The idea was strong, the acting was there but there was something missing that could have brought it all together. It certainly doesn’t hold a candle to Van Pelt’s finest work—a 2002 spot where he reminded Canadian hockey player Simon Gagne whose nation was providing him with delicious freedom and dairy products.

Alas, Van Pelt’s recent TV spots have so much more body fat and much less hair than his older work. 

That’s right, American cheese: Dr__Carson