Super Bowl Commercials 2013: Grading the Best & Worst Ads

Amber Lee@@BlamberrSports Lists Lead WriterFebruary 4, 2013

Super Bowl Commercials 2013: Grading the Best & Worst Ads

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    Everyone knows that the Super Bowl commercials have become almost as important as the game itself. The rise of YouTube and social media has only skyrocketed interest.

    The increased attention and all the pre-Super Bowl buzz for ads have driven up the cost substantially. In 2013 the average 30-second spot costs upward of $4 million. That's roughly a 90 percent increase from a decade ago. 

    Some companies make the most of their money by producing really outstanding and memorable commercials that resonate with the public. The best ads earn a permanent place in television history, and are rerun countless times long after the game ends. 

    Other companies just waste an unbelievable amount of money on stupendously terrible ads that are endlessly ridiculed or worse—forgotten in seconds.

    Let's take a look at the good, the bad, and the dreadfully mediocre Super Bowl commercials of 2013. 

    Find me on Twitter to let me know your favorites! 

Jeep: "Whole Again" [A++]

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    Jeep's Oprah narrated Super Bowl spot "Whole Again" was one of the most popular commercials of the night. It certainly doesn't follow the typical formula for big game advertising, eschewing comedy and sex appeal for patriotism. 

    The ad is a heartfelt salute to the American military, and the men and women who bravely serve in it; putting their lives on the line to protect everything we hold dear. 

    In a time of so much political division, Jeep showed us one of the few things that can still bring us all together. And on the day of that year that over 100 million of us come together to watch football—another great unifier. 

Hyundai: "Epic Playdate" [A-]

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    In the 2013 Super Bowl commercial "Epic Playdate," Hyundai does a pretty solid job trying to convince the viewer that buying a minivan-esque vehicle would be the most awesome decision of their entire lives. 

    I'm not going to run out today and buy one or anything, because I really don't need a minivan-esque vehicle. But if I ever do need one, the Flaming Lips have convinced me that the Santa Fe is the way to go. 

    I guess I'm an easy sell…what can I say. 

M&M's: "Love Ballad" [B]

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    M&M's 2013 Super Bowl commercial "Love Ballad" follows the formula that most of their recent commercials have used: A chocolate obsessed lady in a pseudo-sexual relationship with a piece of candy that is destined to end poorly for the candy. 

    The use of the Meatloaf classic "I Would Do Anything For Love (But I Won't Do That)" in "Love Ballad" is a pretty clever twist though. And it's good to see the lusty red M&M finally wising up about the real intentions of these women. 

    This was definitely one of the better commercials they've done with this concept. Which means they should end on a high note and officially retire it after the Super Bowl.

Audi: "Prom" [A]

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    Audi's "Prom" tells the relatable tale of a teenager being chided by his parents into going to a school dance (prom, in this case) stag. The ad changes direction completely when the teen is handed the keys to his parents' Audi. 

    The ad is reminiscent of a John Hughes teen comedy from the '80s, only the characters are updated for today and the geek finally gets the girl. The fact that Hughes never let the geek get the girl makes this commercial all the more satisfying. 

    Not everyone looks back on high school fondly, but Audi manages to capture just enough magic to make almost everyone smile. Bravery is what defines most of us.

Priceline: "First Mission" [F]

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    Did you know that Priceline actually "killed off" William Shatner's Negotiator character in January 2012? Probably not…since he's already back making these awful commercials. 

    So did Priceline have murderer's remorse or was this whole thing just a stupid stunt? I guess it doesn't matter, because "The Negotiator" is back and now he's dragging poor Kaley Cuoco into the advertising gutter with him. 

    In "First Mission" The Negotiator's daughter, played by Cuoco, is standing in for him as the needless purveyor of online travel deals for strangers. 

    They orchestrate an elaborately pointless James Bond spy scenario, because apparently the daughter is not qualified to hand over an iPad and point to a screen on her own. 

    It's predictably terrible. And just terrible. Priceline should have let The Negotiator rest in peace and hired a new advertising agency. 

Doritos: "Goat 4 Sale" [A+]

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    The Doritos finalists are all usually pretty funny and creative. I just really enjoy the humor they tend to employ, so it's really saying something that ""Goat 4 Sale" is my all time favorite. 

    The premise is just crazy. 

    A bearded Doritos-loving loner happens upon an injured man who is selling his adorable Doritos-loving goat. At first it seems like a match made in heaven, as they compulsively eat Doritos together. 

    But by the time the goat polishes off his 156th bag just a few hours later, buyer's remorse starts to set in. The next morning things take a dark, yet hilarious, turn when the goat finds his new owner hoarding Doritos in his bedroom and crafting a "Goat 4 Sale" sign. 

    Who knew a screaming, homicidal goat could be so hilariously adorable? 

Oreo: "Whisper Fight" [B-]

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    In Oreo's 2013 Super Bowl spot "Whisper Fight," two men in a library are engaged in a debate about which is better: the cream or the cookie. It starts of civil enough, but eventually things get extremely heated. 

    Everyone in the library has their own opinion, and their own destructive way of making it heard. Eventually the cops come driving through a brick wall to break things up. Phew! 

    The commercial is supposed to be over the top, and it is. Not terribly original, but successfully executed. 

GoDaddy: "Perfect Match" [F]

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    It seems GoDaddy has shelved its patented over-the-top sexual innuendo this year and attempted something different. Perhaps they thought the nation was left clamoring for more after the Joan Rivers debacle of 2011. 

    In the ad "Perfect Match," the smoking hot swimsuit model Bar Refaeli shares a cringeworthy kiss with a dude nobody wants to see kiss anything—let alone Bar Refaeli. The premise is that this unholy kiss represents the merging of "sexy" and "smart." 

    I guess when sexy and smart get together, the result makes everyone want to throw up. Overall, I guess it's a successful attempt at gross out humor. Because I'm grossed out. But at least Bar Refaeli was there. 

Hyundai: "Team" [A+]

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    Of Hyundai's many 2013 Super Bowl commercials, "Team" is by far my favorite. Everyone loves when a bullied kid finally gets his moment to shine. 

    In this ad a bunch of jerky kids tell an undersized kid to get lost and not to come back without a team. 

    So he and his mom set out to assemble an all-star team of all the body building, welding, bear wrestling and heroic life-saving kids in town. Have I mentioned that I really want to move to this town?

    They show up to a stunned group of bullies and announce they are ready to play some tackle football. Too bad they don't show the actual game!

Pepsi Next: "Party" [B]

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    Minus anything starring Cindy Crawford, usually I think Pepsi commercials are routinely the most disappointing of any given Super Bowl. But in 2013 they finally moved away from the overwrought celebrity spectacle and it worked.

    In "Party," parents come home to find their teenage son having one helluva a Weird Science-style rager. But instead of having a Chet-style tyrannical freakout, they're instantly soothed by the real cola taste of Pepsi NEXT.

    The premise isn't exactly original, but it's enduring because teenagers are always going to have parties when their parents are dumb enough to leave them home alone. And for Pepsi, it's a step in the right direction.

Pizza Hut: "Hut Hut Hut" [C-]

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    In Pizza Hut's 2013 Super Bowl commercial "Hut Hut Hut," it took a good idea and made it pretty lame. Since 2007 Doritos has really raised the bar when it comes to fan-generated content in advertising. 

    Linking the "hut" in an NFL snap count and the "hut" in Pizza Hut is actually a pretty clever idea. But instead of handing over all the work to enterprising fans, it used its own idea and cobbled this thing together.

    Perhaps Pizza Hut took a step in the right direction with this ad, but ultimately it came up short. Next time it should dump its ad agency and offer a cash prize and let fans do all the legwork. 

Best Buy: "Asking Amy" [A+]

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    In Best Buy's 2013 Super Bowl spot "Asking Amy," a Best Buy employee has no idea what he's getting himself into by asking Amy Poehler if she has any questions. 

    Guess what! She has questions. A lot of questions. 

    "What's the cloud?"

    "Where's the cloud?"

    "OMG are we in the cloud right now?!?"

    Poehler rattles off an epic number of questions in under a minute. Some of them are pretty crazy, but there are plenty of others that many of us have just been too embarrassed to ask. 

Toyota: "Wish Granted" [B+]

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    Toyota's "Wish Granted" stars cutie Kaley Cuoco in head-to-toe form fitting purple. She struts around with her tiny dog and hands out ridiculous wishes to families lucky enough to find themselves in her path. 

    The commercial wouldn't work nearly as well with a less likable star. Imagine some celebrity socialite like Paris Hilton or Kim Kardashian doing the same thing. They'd just look like vile jagwagons. 

    Plus, there's the use of Skee-Lo's 1995 one hit wonder "Wish." If Cuoco doesn't do it for you, surely the diminutive baller anthem does!

Doritos: "Fashionista Daddy" [A+]

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    When I first caught "Fashionista Daddy" online, about midway through, I was concerned it might take a very unfunny turn. 

    In the ad, an adorable little girl uses Doritos to bribe her good-natured daddy into playing princess with her. It's not long before the football buddies he ditched come looking for him and find him rocking the heck out of his princess attire. 

    This is where I was unsure which direction they would go. But I should've known it wouldn't have been a finalist if it ended any other way than with all five of them dancing around in tutus and feather boas. 

    The wife eventually comes home from shopping and plays the buzzkill character I initially thought the friends may be. But, considering a very large bearded man was wearing her wedding dress, her reaction seemed warranted. 

Calvin Klein: "Concept" [C+]

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    What's up with that Kate Upton/Mercedes-Benz commercial getting all that pre-Super Bowl "scandalous" buzz? It wasn't the least bit scandalous. 

    If any sexy Super Bowl ad could be described as scandalous in 2013, it would have to be Calvin Klein's "Concept." 

    Reminiscent of David Beckham's H&M commercial in 2012, but not nearly as good, it features chiseled male model Matthew Terry striking various poses in his underwear. 

    CK is advertising underwear for men, but something tells me this will appeal more to the ladies. And lots of ladies buy underwear for the men in their lives. 

SodaStream: "The Effect" [B]

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    SodaStream has not skimped on the advertising over the last year, so it's not surprising it decided to take the leap and spring for a Super Bowl spot in 2013. "Game Changer" isn't overly funny, but it is clever. 

    Instead of trying to match the over-the-top type of advertising Coke and Pepsi are known for, it pits its bumbling delivery guys against each other to the tune of dueling banjos—Deliverance style. 

    SodaStream's ad doesn't come anywhere close to matching the pomp and circumstance of its major competitors, but it certainly out-duels them in the brains department. 

GoDaddy: "YourBigIdea.CO" [C+]

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    As a woman, I have to say that the nagging wife/girlfriend bit is more than a little played out as a source of comedy. That being said, considering the low bar by which they are judged, GoDaddy's "YourBigIdea.CO" isn't too bad. 

    The women's nagging has less of a negative tone because the men in their lives seem less like henpecked victims and more like dopey dreamers who are big on talk, but short on motivation. Even the multicultural approach worked well. 

    It's actually kind of a relatable situation—I even laughed out loud when the one guy said his idea was "idiot proof." 

    Unfortunately, the wretched rich couple at the end were a little too wretched to be funny. And then Danica Patrick shows up and pretty much ruins everything. But still…by GoDaddy standards…a pretty solid effort. "Wolf" [A]

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    The secrecy seems a little unnecessary these days, but at least the ad turned out to be worth the wait. It features a mostly satisfied couple, but they miss the drama that used to come standard with purchasing a vehicle. 

    So, naturally, the agent injects a little drama in the process! He hands over the most adorable little wolf cub you've ever seen in your life. Who just so happens to have a very angry momma wolf within striking distance. 

    I know it's crazy…but I'd still try to keep the puppy. 

Volkswagen: "Get In. Get Happy." [C+]

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    The pre-Super Bowl buzz surrounding Volkswagen's "Get in. Get happy." mostly centered around whether the ad is offensive. The question seems to stem from VW's decision to overdub the whitest people on earth with a Jamaican accent. 

    Actually no. That's not really a big deal. The fact that they screened the commercial to a focus group of 100 Jamaicans to see if they thought it was offensive…that's kind of a big deal. I guess I'm just of the mind that if you need a focus group to tell you it isn't offended…you probably need a new ad. 

    And I don't know if the fact that there wasn't a single black person in the commercial make it more, or less, racist. See. I didn't even think this thing was racist when I first saw it. But after I read about the focus group, it got all my gears turning. 

    Personally, I didn't find it offensive. It just raises too many negative questions to be a really good ad. 

Hyundai: "Stuck" [B]

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    Hyundai's 2013 Super Bowl spot "Stuck" shows you the benefit of buying a Sonata Turbo, by showing you how much it sucks to be stuck behind certain vehicles on the highway. 

    I'm not sure the Sonata is unique in its abilities to pass other drivers. But everyone can relate being stuck behind a rickety RV or a scary 18-wheeler hauling questionable materials. 

    Points for taking relatable situations and injecting a little humor.

Coke: "The Chase" [F]

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    You can always count on Coke (and Pepsi) for at least one big-budget Super Bowl bust each year. These ads are usually heavy on elaborately costumed extras and light on plot, humor and pretty much everything else. 

    Coke's 2013 ad "Chase" stays true to that formula. 

    You've got a hot desert and a bottle of Coke the size of a building on the horizon. Then you've got an Arab guy with some camels, a gang of cowboys, the cast of The Road Warrior and a bus full of Las Vegas show girls racing toward the bottle. 

    The idea behind the ad was to get people to watch it in advance and get them to vote on who wins. The problem is…who the heck cares who wins? And what the heck are they going to do with a building-sized bottle of soda anyway? 

    This might be Coke's biggest advertising miss of the last decade. It's grating, long-winded and utterly forgettable. 

Milk: "Morning Run" [B]

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    Milk's 2013 Super Bowl spot "Morning Run" stars The Rock as an eager-to-please dad on the morning of his daughter's sleepover. 

    When he realizes they are out of milk, The Rock races out to the street in his pajamas to pick some up—at any cost. He dodges bank robbers, angry lions, traffic jams and even ignores an adorable kitten stuck in a tree. 

    All so his little girl's breakfast isn't jeopardized. After all, it is the most important meal of the day. 

    The Rock has played this type of character in movies before, and it shows, because he's good at it. The commercial is kind of a spectacle, but at least it's an adorable spectacle. 

Budweiser: "Coronation" [C-]

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    Budweiser made a very concerted effort to to keep its 2013 Super Bowl commercials off the web prior to the game. 

    Which really makes me wonder what all the fuss was about. "Coronation" is one of the spots it used to roll out Black Crown, but it's just standard issue beer commercial fare. 

    Sexy girl. A party. People drinking beer. Meh. 

    Ditto on the C- for "Celebration," which is basically the same commercial. 

Taco Bell: "Viva Young" [A]

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    After seeing Taco Bell's "Grandpa Goes Wild" teaser commercial on YouTube, I had high expectations for "Viva Young," the main event. And, despite initially being really confused about most of it being in Spanish, I was not disappointed. 

    There's just something fundamentally hilarious about really old people engaging in behavior most commonly associated with rabble-rousing youth. After ditching the retirement home, a few old folks head out for a night on the town that would make any 18-year-old envious. 

    They may be old, but at least they can drive, get into clubs, get tattoos and enjoy a late night Doritos taco at Taco Bell. And they are so old that the cops can't do a darn thing to stop them without looking like complete jerks. 

    Suddenly senior citizenship doesn't look so bad. 

Sketchers: "Man vs. Cheetah" [D-]

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    I see that Sketchers has finally stopped making false claims about the magical abilities of its shoes to get people in shape just by putting them on. So…that's a step in the right direction. Right?

    Maybe not. Sketchers' vague claims that wearing them would help sculpt/tone muscles cost them $40 million in a class action lawsuit. So instead it's claiming that wearing them means you can outrun a cheetah and befriend an antelope. 

    Listen. I know this is supposed to be funny…but doesn't the stark irony kinda negate the uninspired comedic premise? 

Mercedes-Benz: "Kate Upton Washes a Car" [B+]

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    The Mercedes-Benz "Car Wash" commercial featuring jaw-droppingly sexy Sports Illustrated swimsuit model Kate Upton was one of the most buzzed about ads in the weeks leading up to the Super Bowl. 

    Despite the fact that the whole thing amounted to nothing more than a big tease, many dubbed the ad "scandalous." 

    But you have to wonder if those people actually watched the ad, or if they were basing their opinions on the teaser title of the video on YouTube: "Kate Upton Washes the All-New Mercedes-Benz CLA in Slow Motion." 

    A scantily clad Kate Upton all soaped up and washing a car in slow motion? That really would have been scandalous…if it happened. But it doesn't. Instead she watches a bunch of boys (watching her) as they wash a car.  

    That being said—the ad was clever. It generated buzz without actually doing anything scandalous. And you can never have too much Kate Upton—am I right folks?

Bud Light: "Journey" [C+]

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    Bud Light's 2013 Super Bowl commercial "Journey" chronicles an intense young man's exciting journey to see his 49ers compete in the big game. 

    Along the way he meets up with legendary singer Stevie Wonder, who hooks him up with a voodoo doll for luck. Bonus points for the inclusion of "Very Superstitious." 

    This is Bud Light's newest "It's not crazy if it works" ad. It's definitely more elaborate than the others, but it's not quite as good. 

Century 21: "The Wedding" [F+]

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    Century 21's Super Bowl commercial "Wedding" is a disappointing offering trying to extract humor from tired cliches.

    In the ad there's a couple at the altar getting married, when the thought of moving in with his mother-in-law suddenly overwhelms the groom, causing him to faint. Something you think he would have come to terms with before the wedding.

    Then the bride summons a Century 21 agent from among the guests to save the day by hooking them up with an affordable starter home. Props to her for being a good sport about someone spoiling "her big day." (Hence the F+)

    Really though? A mother-in-law joke? Century 21 paid upwards of $4 million to air a mother-in-law joke. Turrible…just turrible. 

Wheat Thins: "Night Vision" [A+]

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    I thought the Wheat Thins "Night Vision" was the most surprisingly hilarious Super Bowl commercials of 2013. 

    It started out a little clunky with a crazy husband having to explain why he's standing guard over his spicy buffalo crackers to his nagging wife. 

    I definitely found myself feeling for the wife when he was rattling off all the potential security threats to his crackers. An intruder, the dog, Bigfoot and Ted from next door round out that list. 

    But after she turns off the kitchen light, it turns out his worries were pretty legit. The wife turns the light back on to find her husband engaged in battle with a Yeti and then Ted from next door bursts in the back door and steals the Wheat Thins. 

    The spot was stupid, simple and seriously hilarious. Also…spicy buffalo Wheat Thins look delicious. 

E*Trade: "Save It" [C+]

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    To say that I'm tired of the E*Trade baby would be the understatement of the century. There are a few goofballs out there who still like this campaign, but their numbers are dwindling. 

    That being said, the 2013 Super Bowl spot "Save It" deserves a little credit for breaking formula and taking the baby out of his highchair and out into the world. Not a lot…but a little. 

    The baby is seen knocking back milk on ice at da club, playing polo, running with the bulls in Pamplona, hanging in space with a dog, chilling in a hot tub with a panda and parting with hot bikini babes on a yacht. 

    I gave last year's E*Trade commercial a big fat F. Obviously this is a marked improvement. 

Fiat: "Topless" [A]

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    It seems like advertisers are starting to recognize that just under half of the Super Bowl viewing audience is female, because there are very few traditionally "sexy" commercials in 2013. 

    Even the reliably smutty GoDaddy commercials have veered towards comedy this year. Which is why Fiat's "Topless" stands out in a good way. Even the ladies appreciate a genuinely sexy commercial and this is definitely the sexiest of the year (that features a woman). 

    It's a rare occasion that I embrace anything that includes a live scorpion crawling on bare skin, but it really works here. That horrifying little bastard makes the spot all the more memorable. 

Bud Light: "Lucky Chair" [B+]

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    Bud Light's "Lucky Chair" spot again features Stevie Wonder and is the same general premise of "Journey," the ad that aired in the first half of the game. 

    In this commercial a couple of friends go through quite the ordeal in order to have the party host's lucky chair cursed. 

    They even take it on a trolley ride on their way to have a very sexy Zoe Saldana work her voodoo magic on the well-traveled piece of furniture. 

    Even though it's essentially the same commercial that aired in the first half, the presence of Saldana bumps the grade up slightly. 

Allstate: "Apple" [A+]

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    Insurance companies all have their advertising companies working overtime to produce a never-ending stream of irritating commercials to dump into the airwaves. The vast majority of them are terrible. Allstate's "Mayhem" series is the exception, not the rule. 

    The commercials star actor Dean Winters, representing every and any unfortunate unforeseen incident that could befall your property. The 2013 Super Bowl ad "Apple" traces mayhem from its origins in the Garden of Eden all the way to "his" role in the NFL replacement refs debacle in 2013. 

    Definitely one of the funniest and most creative commercials of the year. 

Axe Apollo: "Lifeguard" [C-]

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    Axe's "Lifeguard" is the first of two Super Bowl spots promoting space camp. I'm not sure if they got involved with space camp after naming their new product "Apollo," or vice versa.

    In truth, I really don't care all that much.

    The premise of this commercial is basically "chicks dig astronauts." As evidenced by the fact that the beautiful damsel (formerly in distress) blows off the hunky lifeguard that just saved her life, in favor of an astronaut. 

    An astronaut that is, inexplicably, wandering around the beach in full astronaut suit. Helmet and all. Personally...I'd avoid something like that at all costs. 

Geico: "Happier Than Dikembe Mutombo…" [A]

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    Geico's "Happier Than" series of commercials have been pretty hit or miss. But their 2013 Super Bowl ad starring retired NBA player Dikembe Mutombo really demonstrates what a solid concept it is. 

    At least when it's done right, as this one is. The premise is that saving on Geico insurance will make you happier than Dikembe Mutombo blocking a shot. 

    Although, after seeing him popping up into people's lives and batting down various items, I'm pretty sure nothing will ever make happier than watching Dikembe Mutombo bat down a little kid's cereal box at the grocery store. 

    Not even saving money on car insurance. 

    Sorry, Geico. 

Gildan Apparel: "Getaway" [F]

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    In Gildan's Super Bowl ad "Getaway," a man wakes up after a particularly kinky one night stand to find the sleeping girl wearing his favorite shirt. Despite the fact that she's hot, and out of his league, he's desperate to get out without waking her up. 

    But instead of just writing off the loss of the shirt as a cost of doing business, he decides to do some creeper stuff and try to remove it while she's sleeping. The tagline on YouTube for the spot is "Find out how far one guy will go for his favorite T-shirt."

    Maybe if he woke up next to a sleeping old man that would make sense. Or a napping mamma bear. Or Aileen Wuornos. Then there would be something at stake. 

    I guess I'm just not too interested in whether that girl wakes up when he's being a jerk and trying to remove the shirt she's wearing.

Speedstick: "Unattended Laundry" [B+]

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    Because I don't know any adults who use Speedstick, I tried to watch "Unattended Laundry" through younger eyes. My old person eyes weren't that fond of the ad, but my young person eyes kinda liked it. 

    The commercial is set in a laundromat and the premise is that a young guy is all big and bad about someone bogarting one of the dryers, until it turns out to be a beautiful girl. 

    Surprisingly, things actually go his way…until they don't. 

    It's hilarious that he immediately recognizes he "looks like a huge perv" holding her underwear, but somehow declaring "I'd fold your panties any day" is totally fine. 

    I'll give him the benefit of the doubt though—he was probably just surprised she was still talking to him after the initial perv stuff. 

    So close, dude. 

Lincoln: "Steer the Script" [A-]

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    Lincoln's "SteerTheScript" commercial is unique because the plot was formulated from user-submitted tweets submitted to Jimmy Fallon on Twitter. The result is a creative and funny, if not a little disjointed, adventure. 

    The ad features guest appearances by RevRun, Wil Wheaton and Emmitt Smith. Lincoln manages to have a little fun story telling and still find time to actually talk about the product their selling. 

    Overall, a pretty successful ad with a creative use of social media. 

Beck's Sapphire: "No Diggity" [B+]

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    How much you like Beck's Sapphire Super Bowl ad "No Diggity" could very well depend on your age and your musical preferences. 

    Personally, I thought it was great. But I have broad musical tastes and was 16 when Blackstreet released their hit single "No Diggity" in 1996. 

    I also happened to like Beck's beer too. So a CGI fish serenading a bottle of beer to the tune of "No Diggity" just appeals to me on a really fundamental level. 

    That being said, I am well aware that it might not appeal to everyone in the same way. But I stand by my grade.

Wonderful Pistachios: "PSY. Get Crackin." [D]

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    Wonderful Pistachios commercials are always the same. A D-list celebrity is enjoying some nuts in the way that only that D-list celebrity can. 

    In the case of YouTube sensation PSY, naturally he's enjoying his pistachios "Gangnam Style." OK then. 

    It's officially time to put PSY and "Gangnam Style" to bed. Seriously. Seriously. 

Budweiser: "The Brotherhood" [A++]

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    Budweiser's "The Brotherhood" is, hands down, my favorite Super Bowl commercial of 2013. 

    In the week prior to the game, I sent it out via email and Twitter and nobody lectured me about abusing social media. Truly an instant classic. 

    The commercial is more sentimental than typical Super Bowl fare; perhaps Budweiser was considering the growing female audience. 

    But between Stevie Nicks' haunting rendition of "Landslide," the baby Clydesdale, the cowboy and the beer—there is really something for everyone.

MiO Fit: "Anthem" [C]

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    In MiO Fit's Super Bowl spot "Anthem," comedian Tracy Morgan loudly boasts about America's penchant for implementing effective change. The kind of change you can believe in. 

    We didn't like the shape of chickens—so we changed them to nuggets!

    We grew tired of say "Greetings dear friend"—so we changed it to "Sup."

    We changed man-bands into boy-bands. (Which he says we need to change back)

    And then gets to the point about MiO changing regular clear water into colored water loaded with caffeine. He should've stopped at man-bands.

    But then MiO probably wouldn't have paid for this ad. 

Samsung: "The Next Big Thing" [B]

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    In Samsung Mobile's Super Bowl spot "The Next Big Thing" actors Paul Rudd and Seth Rogen have a friendly meeting in the lobby before they get competitive when they realize they're going to be working together. 

    Initially feeling confident, things sour for both of them during the meeting when the executive asks them if they know any celebrities that would be interested in endorsing the product. 

    They do their best to 'wow' him, but are ultimately cast aside for NBA superstar LeBron James. 

    It's a pretty funny ad, mostly because of the chemistry that Rudd and Rogen have on screen. Although it was funny, it definitely had potential to be funnier. 

Dodge Ram: "God Made a Farmer" [A+]

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    I caught most of the Super Bowl commercials online prior to the game, but Dodge Ram's "God Made A Farmer" spot came as a complete surprise to me. And judging by the reaction it got on Twitter, to everyone else too!

    The ad was long and confusing and it rambled on for quite awhile. But, much like the Clint Eastwood Chrysler commercial in 2012, those are the reasons it will resonate for quite awhile. 

    Very entertaining stuff. Goofy as heck. But entertaining. 

Motorola: "Bubble Bath" [C]

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    Motorola's 2013 Super Bowl spot "Bubble Bath," featuring actress Megan Fox, is basically a rehash of the popular ad it did in 2011. I guess if it ain't broke, don't fix it?

    But aside from the appealing image of Megan Fox in a bathtub, the commercial doesn't really have much to offer. Fox's presence alone is what earned the C grade. 

    The humor is lacking and the plot is nonexistent. Put Lindsay Lohan in there and it would've received an F…or a G.

NFL Network: "Leon Sandcastle" [A]

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    The NFL Network's surprise Super Bowl spot "Leon Sandcastle" seemed to be almost universally liked on Twitter. It stars the always animated Deion Sanders who is inspired to work out at the NFL combine after hearing his colleagues rain down praise on the "more dominant than ever" rookies. 

    Sanders grabs a wig (and presumably a mustache) from his football-impaired makeup woman and sets out for the Indianapolis. He registers under the creative moniker "Leon Sandcastle," and spectators note that he looks like "an ugly Deion Sanders." Perceptive! 

    Naturally Leon Sandcastle knocks it out of the park on every single event, setting the nation abuzz about the newest rookie sensation. And then he gets picked first by the Chiefs in the draft…boy would they be cheesed off after the fact if that really happened. 

    Leave it to Sanders to become one of the most talked about players of Super Bowl XLVII…almost 10 years after he retired. You're the king're the king...

Kia: "Space Babies" [B+]

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    In Kia's Super Bowl spot "Space Babies," a nervous dad puts a creative spin on the birds and the bees after his son asks him the age old question "where do babies come from?"

    The story is very detailed and uses some imagery that vaguely represents where babies really come from. But, basically, he says that babies come from space.

    It's an easy fix now, but that kid is going be a very confused teenager. 

    The commercial is funny and cute, but you'd never know it was a car commercial. Which is fine, because unless the ad was announcing they had dropped their price to 'free', I wasn't ever going to buy a Kia to begin with.

Tide: "Miracle Stain" [B+]

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    Tide detergent's 2013 Super Bowl spot "Miracle Stain" was much better than I expected, given the description of the advertising campaign I heard from Saints quarterback Drew Brees last week on ESPN. 

    No disrespect to Brees, of course, but his explanation was beyond confusing. 

    In this ad a 49ers fan spills salsa on his jersey during the game and the stain looks exactly like the face of Hall of Fame quarterback Joe Montana. His home becomes a tourist attraction and a shrine to the Niners. 

    And then his wife washes the jersey! I was compelled to yell at my television. It turns out his wife is a Ravens fan! And a vindictive one at that. 

    It's true. Sometimes you really don't know the people in your life nearly as well as you think you do. 

Mercedes-Benz: "Soul" [A]

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    The Mercedes-Benz ad "Soul" manages to take the relatively dark idea of selling your soul to the devil and make it entertaining and fun. In a brilliant bit of casting, actor Willem Dafoe, with his own fingernails filed into sharp points, plays the devil. 

    In the commercial, Devil Dafoe is trying to seal the deal on a meaty new soul, in exchange for a new Mercedes CLA. As well as the kickass lifestyle, which includes dating Kate Upton and dancing with Usher, that comes along with it. 

    Just when you think he's about the complete the transaction, the sucker he's got on the hook sees on a billboard stating that the price starts under $30k. 

    Meaning he can just buy the Benz himself and keep his soul! Yay! Everyone wins! Except the devil. Which is good, cause he sucks. 

    Sometimes these big-budget star-studded affairs really fail to deliver anything but a couple of big names in a clunker of an ad. But this one is definitely running on all cylinders. (See what I did there?)

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