Some Things (Not) Overheard during Spring Training

There's certainly a good amount of chatter during Spring Training as baseball players catch up on offseason events, coaching tips, and other tidbits.

But here are some things you probably didn't overhear at Spring Training.

Manny Ramirez on ongoing talks with the Dodgers: "Scott is just trying to get me a deal that will both make me a lot of money and also allow me to skip Spring Training so I can grow out my dreads some more."

Alex Rodriguez on the identity of his cousin and supplier: "Well my cousin Barry B...I...I mean...Yuri...is the one who gave me the stuff."

Scott Boras on negotiating in these economic times: "My job is to get my clients what they are worth, even if that means they'll have to make empty threats to retire or sign with a rival who isn't even really interested."

Pirates' pitching coach Joe Kerrigan on his pitching staff: "I think that any one of these guys could pull off a Cy Young this season. I mean, look at how good Tom Gorzellanny's career numbers are! He and Ian Snell are consistent, great pitchers."

Commissioner Bud Selig on the ongoing steroids scandal: "Don't blame me!  I've just been in charge the whole time, watching Barry Bonds grow from a skinny-as-a-rail guy into someone whose mere shadow weighs 200 pounds. But you can't blame me for anything—not even the All Star Game."

Yankees' little boss Hank Steinbrenner on the team's playoff hopes: "Well, all I know is that if we don't get there this year and Boston does, I'm gonna find that construction worker and have his buddies break his legs. Then we'll tear down Yankee Stadium until we find the other jersey he probably hid there."

Free Agent Pedro Martinez on his hopes for the season: "I'm just looking for a team to call my daddy! I miss the Yankees."

Nationals' boss Stan Kasten on GM Jim Bowden: "We have complete confidence in Jim's ability to not only be innocent in this scandal, but also to field a slightly competitive team for the first time in his career."

Free Agent Odalis Perez on his contract demands: "I want major league money for minor league talent. And I want a guarantee that I'll be able to have another awful year. If not, I'll just stay home."

Random Boston Red Sox fan on Alex Rodriguez: "Well, he's obviously never used any performance enhancers in October."

Cubs' GM Jim Hendry on his team's ability to end their drought: "Well, we're adding an "Exorcise the Demons" night to our weekly promotional schedule, as well as a beheadable Bartman bobblehead night. I think that'll help us."

Yankees' boss George Steinbrenner: "ZzzzzZzzzzZzzzzZ" (It was his naptime, but he did mumble something about being afraid of the salary cap monster)

Dodgers' manager Joe Torre on his next book: "I'm planning on writing another one where I'll call out Manny Ramirez and Jeff Kent randomly. After the hit I had with the A-Rod story, how can I pass another book deal up?"

Rafael Palmeiro on A-Rod's use of steroids: "Let me just say this. I've used steroids.  Period!"

Headline in a Washington, DC paper: "George Mitchell found to have used steroids during his investigation into steroid use."

Ken Griffey, Jr. on his return to the Seattle Mariners: "It's a feel good story. Plus, with my decline in production, I feel like I'll fit right in here in Seattle's offensive scheme."

Dallas Cowboys' owner Jerry Jones on Manny Ramirez: "We'll offer him $100 million over seven years. We have to keep up with the Redskins when it comes to acquiring big names!"

Ozzie Guillen on what his Spring Training plans are: "Well, with @$#*ing Vasquez gone, I can find some other #@#$ing player to #@$*ing humiliate in #*@&ing public! By the way, @$#ing Javy is a $#@ing GIRL!"

Lou Piniella on what he will do if Milton Bradley's injury history continues: "Well, we can always go out and get Parker Brothers or Fisher Price to play in the outfield, can't we?"

Braves' manager Bobby Cox on why he didn't retire: "Well, I tried to retire, but I got ejected from retirement."

More to come...  :)