How the Mavericks Get Back to the Finals

Ah 2006 it seems like it was only a year ago that we had arrived. Our black, white and boring whale (The Spurs for those of you missed the Moby Dick reference. Gotta love high school literature in a sports column) had finally been vanquished and we had tossed Steve Nash and the Suns aside like a critic tossing aside a K-Fed album. Yes times were good and even though our mayor jinxed the Finals by planning the victory parade after going up 2-0, we at least had officials to blame and the belief that we were ready to make the NBA our permanent bitch. My therapist tells me for the sake of my sanity I should probably not patronize you with a recap of the massacre in Oakland so I'll just get on with how to get us back to ,and given the state of the Eastern conference, win the NBA Finals.

Step 1: Give me free courtside tickets to Mavs playoff games. I mean come on you guys read that last paragraph I'll be hitting Baron Davis and Tim Duncan with such verbal abuse they won't know what hit them(cliche alert). Aside from my hilarious literature allusions, I am also a beast when it comes to jokes about your mom. Trust me Mark Cuban this will work. I mean have you seen the people sitting courtside at a Mavs playoff game. Half are CEOs that don't understand the rules of the game and dont care who wins and the other half can't speak english that any NBA player could understand (they make fun of our accent for a reason). Look I'll even sit next Cuban and get his drinks, food, and stock quotes during the game.

Step 2: Trade Jerry Stackhouse. I love the guy as much as the next Mavs fan, his free throw style and and gigantic eyes provide endless hours of entertainment but he doesn't really do much for the team and has a big salary. Yeah I know he gets his points off the bench but a typical Stack game has him taking a ton of jump shots and hitting a third of them. He doesn't penetrate and he doesn't play tough D so he's got to go. Added Bonus: More playing time for Devin Harris

Step 3:  Take a chance and draft Glen Davis in the 2nd round. Our biggest need is a low post scorer and Glen put up a double double in college for 3 years at LSU mostly in the low post so if it doesn't work out its still just a 2nd rounder.

Step 4: Sign Gerald Wallace. Great rebounder, good defender, can replace stacks scoring, and always plays hard.

Step 5: Sign my brother Andy. Seriously he was probably the greatest player in Connecticut high school basketball history if he hadn't torn his knee. Granted he hasn't played on a team in 7 years but if Vin Bakers still in the league why not? If nothing else you can sign him then make a deal with Universal for the movie rights and we can all see him score 40 in a game and overcome a terrible speech impediment even though hell play maybe 10 career minutes and has a voice that could make a wolverine purr. Gotta love movies based on a true story.

So there you have it. Follow these intructions Mark Cuban and you will have yourself an NBA title and personal slave come next summer.