Football Fan for a Day, Pt. 2: Watching a Match

After my debut and retirement from football video games, I decided that I would need to watch an actual game to get more into the football fanatic state of mind.

How could images of insane bicycle kicks and awesome headers not get someone excited to watch a match?

I prepared much like I would for an American Football game. I had my soda in one hand (it's amazing how many beverages you can hold in one hand via cooler!) and a grocery bag chock full of chips, cheese, peanuts, and more essential items for an unhealthy diet in my other paw.

I put the cell phone on silent, sat in my recliner, grasped my TV's remote and flipped through the channels looking for a high powered contest. After 20 minutes and 168 channels, I found no football to speak of.

After cussing my satellite provider, I decided that the internet must have something. I GOOGLED and ASKED my way through the internet and found stuff ranging from basic soccer basics to naked girls playing "soccer."

Get it out of your sick head now that I did NOT, I repeat DID NOT watch the pretty naked girl soccer game. I simply bookmarked it for later.

Finally after cracking open a beverage before more searching, I found what I was looking for: A live feed to a soccer match. Although it couldn't be more entertaining than naked girls kicking a ball, I started to view a game in process. Something was missing.

After searching for minutes, I found no fancy scoreboard over lay anywhere on my 40 inch screen. How could I possibly know who was playing with no fancy scoreboard?! I did, however, found in one corner a small box with two abbreviated names and on the other side two numbers.

It turns out my fancy scoreboard was no flashier than a Minnesota road full of potholes in the Spring. Times must be tough for fancy TV scoreboard makers as well.

So after putting two and 313 together, I found out that I was watching my Arsenal team take on Tottenham Hotspur. I only figured this out by simply seeing who was playing that day and comparing the abbreviations. Genius, I know!

Knowing that fate must be on my side for magically finding an Arsenal game, I knew my team would win. I sat back in the recliner and watched from my laptop slamming back some soda and chips waiting for an amazing header or a fantastic curve shot. I saw neither.

Instead of the amazing action, all I saw was a ball getting kicked back and forth. I did keep my hopes up, however, and focused intently on my computer. A few minutes later, I finally saw what I was looking for. A soccer GGGOOOOAAALLLLLLLLLLL!

A pretty goal kicked by a pretty blonde that had a pair of personal soccer balls on her chest. The bookmark some how replaced the Arsenal game...computer glitch, probably....

After watching the rest of the intense blonde vs. brunette match, I clicked back to my Arsenal game just in time to see one of my Arsenal players get the red card I was so familiar with. I felt his pain as he walked off the field, so I raised my can to him in memoriam.

After watching the rest of the game, I realized that I would see no spectacular goals or tackles. Heck, I would have settled for a sissy slap or a devastating head butt to the chest. I saw neither. Apparently, I picked to watch a 0-0 draw as my first soccer game.

Just my luck.

Looking around my living room and the empty soda cans and chip bags, I realized I should have saved my personal party for the bowling tournament ESPN was about to show.

What was going on? I wanted dearly to fully indulge into being a football fan but it just wasn't working for me. What was I to do? It dawned on me right then and there.

I would go play some organized soccer for the first time in my life. Who needs video games or watching a game to get the feel for soccer, I'd live it!

Stay tuned for the third and final of my one-day journey into the sport of football.