Boston Red Sox Pitching Staff: 16 Big Ifs

If a picture paints a thousand words, then why can't I paint you?

If pigs could fly, I would invest in an umbrella.

If a tree falls in the woods and there is no one there to hit it.

If the Pope poops in the woods.... 

If the success of a pitching staff was based on number of arms, the Red Sox win in a landslide.

If the games were played on paper, instead of between the lines, one would have to think that the A.L. East would shape up as New York, Tampa Bay and then the Red Sox.

If Beckett returns to form.

If Lester doesn't peter out after increasing his innings by 20 percent.

If Dice-K can continue to walk the tight rope to 18-3.

If Penny can return to Cy Young form.

If Wakefield has any "gas" left and can find someone to catch the knuckler.

If Smoltz can get healthy by June and be as dominant as he sounds.

If the Sox were wise to hold on to Buchholz and Bowden.

If Hunter Jones, Daniel Bard and Junichi Tazawa can develop.

If the bullpen of Saito, Ramirez, Delcarmen, Lopez, Masterson, and Papelbon can gel into the lights-out 'pen they could be.

And if Papelbon can continue to ascend to the thrown of the AL's most dominant closer...then, the Sox will win their third World Championship in the first decade of the millennium.

If any of those things don't occur—third place, at best.

If.