Madonna on 'Roids?

As stories about A-Rod and the "Infamous 103" spread like wildfire, perhaps it's time to think of the people that are affected by the shrinking testicles of Mr. Rodriguez.

While the Major League Supreme Court is busy doing a slam dance on Sir Alex's reputation and concerning themselves with his aborted election to Cooperstown, maybe we need to consider how this changes life for everyone, from George the peanut vendor to the makers of ChapStick.

 Madonna

As we all know, "Like A Virgin" couldn't be further from the truth.

"Like a Bimbo"? I'm a bit more comfy with that.

I know, "Papa Don't Preach", but I must. She should "Cry for Me, Argentina", and maybe even find "Another Suitcase in Another Hall." She's "Living in a Material World" and she is a material girl.

We all know she wasn't on steroids, but she more or less...had them in her.

Scott Boras

The "Golden Rule" reads: "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."

Well, Mr. "Bor-Ass" has not had a good year. Sure, he signed Teixeira for big bucks, and Sabathia and Burnett too. So he's basically in bed with the Steinbrenners.

But in the same period, he's dropped the ball with Manny, Varitek, the Red Sox, the Nationals, and the Orioles.

And now he stinks of "A-Rod Cream." Sucks to be him, don't it?

Ivan Rodriguez, Roger Clemens, Rafael Palmiero, Barry Bonds, etc.

All of A-Rod's "sandbox buddies" are crapping in their drawers as we speak, from those who "might have" used, to those who definitely used, to those who admitted they had only to have their names come up again.

The "biggest Losers" are Clemens and Bonds. They don't stand a fighting chance.

The Yankees

Oh, boo-hoo. I don't feel the least bit sorry.

Many of you knew I'd feel this way. Check out this laundry list: new stadium; new era; exorbitant money spent; a book by your ex-manager; the reality that Giambi, Clemens, A-Rod, and perhaps several others from your 25th and 26th World Championships took 'roids.

Oh sure, players from other teams did too. But y'all are the Yankees.

Derek Jeter

The only Yankee this side of Mantle and DiMaggio that I care about. I know he stole Joe's sign. I would have too.

But think how the hardest-working current Yankee feels about playing next to "No-Scrote". He's had to arm wrestle for his SS position. He's had to listen to the media go crazy over A-Rod's drama. He's had to set the table for him. And now this.

Nike, Activision, and Other Companies A-Rod Endorses

"A-Fraud" is cooked as far as endorsements go. No way, no how will anyone touch him with a 10-foot syringe.

"His endorsement career is over," Steve Rosner, co-founder of 16W Marketing, told Michael McCarthy of USA Today. “The only way he has any kind of shot at it is if he starts approaching the home run record.

The first thing companies look for in a spokesperson is believability. There will always be marketers who are skeptical about retaining his services.”

So, unless you sell polygraphs, acne cream (for his pimple-filled back), knife-sharpening tools (to stab your friends in the back), small-sized jock straps (for his minuscule gonads) or How to Screw Up A Career for Dummies, I suggest you take your money elsewhere.

 The Kids

How does it feel to be a kid right now? In a span of six months, you lost Alex Rodriguez, Roger Clemens, Barry Bonds, Britney Spears, and Michael Phelps. For what it's worth, you're about to get back Sean Avery (the NHL's sloppy seconds champion).

I would be one messed up little buckaroo right now. My heroes have been replaced with villains.

And to add to the confusion, Jose Canseco is now held in high regard again. Say what?

"This was good, now it's bad, this was bad, and now it's good?"

Shame on you, A-Rod, Gene Orza, Bud Selig, and all you other spineless worms who knew what was happening but wouldn't rat on them. You're no better than the injectors.