Almost, A-Rod: You Missed It By That Much

I was satisfied to see Alex Rodriguez at least admit to his use of peformance enhancing drugs. I get no satisfaction from seeing any player admit to actions that tarnish the image of the game, but it’s preferrable to compounding the problem with denials.

Having said that, the idea to express his guilt through a Jim Baker-type sit down interview was just plain stupid, and can only speak to the magnitude of his ego. Whomever suggested to A-Rod that this would be a good idea is a blithering idiot.

Did he not watch the Andy Petitte mea culpa ? Read a brief prepared statement and get the fuck out of there. The longer you stay on camera, the longer you give yourself the opportunity to dig yourself a deeper hole.

And A Rod dug a beaut.

We witnessed what began as a remorseful admission by a superstar athlete transform itself into a bitter, spiteful rant by a spoiled child. Left to his own devices, it was just a matter of time before Alex lapsed into finger-pointing, excuse-making, and blame-deflecting.

Case in point—In a matter of minutes, the lead reporter who broke the story went from ” the lady ” who showed up at my gym, to a vindictive stalker (for years, no less) who attempted to break into his house while his children were asleep upstairs.

Are you fucking kidding me? As he suddenly remembered her name, he recounted how she was thrown off the ” U ” property for trespassing, and cited by police for the incident at his home.

A-Rod, the first incident took place before dozens of witnesses and the second at your GATED COMMUNITY, at a security guardhouse! Did you not believe that people would look into these accusations, seeing that they could have been verified by a 6-year old?

Your line of thinking leaves Jeremy Schockey looking like a Mensa member.

As for the Couric interview, you began with the assertion that since you hadn’t seen them and you were not aware of the results of your positive test, that you weren’t really lying to Katie. But, you evidently realized the folly of that line of thought.

My guess is that someone in your camp was acting out the scene from Airplane! where the gentleman sitting next to Stryker began dousing himself with gasoline and lighting a match. Fortunately, you caught the subtle meaning, and adjusted your Kouric response to the "I wasn’t being honest with myself" rationale.

Phew, that was a close one.

As for the rest of the interview, the cards you played were predictable. Caught up in the "loosey, goosey" times, stupid and naive, baseball is my refuge, and the excited for the upcoming season/love my teammates mantra can be purchased at any college bookstore.

You’ll find that book near the register, and it's called, "Cliff Notes for a Guilt Admission," for $6.95 by Doubleday.

The term K.I.S.S. (Keep It Simple, Stupid) never applied to a situation more than it did to yours, A-Rod. But I suppose you and yours "mis-remembered" that one.

You were this close.

And for those in the audience that tried to deflect blame by throwing suspicion on the source, or the Feds, well that’s just the cross we bear for being fans.