Josh Hamilton Hits 4 Home Runs in a Game, Becomes New Chuck Norris

Josh Hamilton did some really bad things to some perfectly good baseballs on Tuesday night. It's time to move Chuck Norris over and make room for Hamilton, Texas Ranger. 

Let's recap some awesome that wafted from the Baltimore area last night. Rangers' superhero Josh Hamilton went a pedestrian 5-for-5 that featured four two-run home runs, earning him 8 RBI on the night. 

Hulk smash. 

Hamilton pretty much had an impromptu home run derby and held it during a regular-season game against the Orioles. How nice of him.

The last home run was right down the middle of the plate, as if Darren O'Day was saying, "screw it, let's just get this over with."

Hamilton then went around the bases like he just finished some Sunday chores and was out for a nice stroll. 

Chuck Norris has long been the ultimate bad ass, but like Yoda said, "there is another." 

Hamilton Rumors That Very Well May Be True

God wants to have what Hamilton is having.

Hamilton just Tebowed and a unicorn with Jeremy Lin riding saddle was born. 

Chris Berman actually sounds pleasant calling a Hamilton home run. 

Hamilton's athletic cup is a Buick, if he actually used one. 

We can also take a page out of the Chuck Norris rumor mill, because they all now apply to Mr. Josh Hamilton. 

Here are some gems, thanks to ChuckNorrisFacts.com. 

Josh Hamilton counted to infinity—twice.

Josh Hamilton is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

Josh Hamilton can slam a revolving door.

As you can see, this man Hamilton is a bad, bad man. I have given up trying to predict what he will do next, because he will do it all. 

Records aren't broken, they are Hamiltoned, and you can take that to the bank. 

I know you all have clever Hamilton factoids, so please fill the comments section with hilarity. 

Also, follow me on Twitter so we can be besties. 

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