The Doctor's Weekly WWE Raw Recap: The 169 Things We Learned, Loved and Cheered

Tonight's Raw pulled out all the stops for The Rock and John Cena's much-hyped Rap vs. Rock showdown to make tonight's Raw one of the best in recent history.

The match quality was great tonight, but the two segments which opened and closed the show made the whole night worth while.

John Cena blasted The Rock in a rap which made me nostalgic for the days when Cena was first blowing up as a major player in WWE.

The Rock would not be outdone, though, as he came back at the end of the night with what is easily one of his best segments since returning to WWE.

I truly appreciate my loyal readers, but for those of you who are new, each week I recap Raw with a long list.

The entries are made up of equal parts humor, recap, play-by-play, revelations, speculations, questions, answers and anything else I notice during the show. I sometimes comment on commercials too just because I get bored during them.

I have two games each week as well. The first game is trying to correctly predict the length of the next Divas match to the second.There was no Divas match this week so the predictions from the last two shows will roll over once again.

The other game is coming up with new and humorous nicknames for David Otunga revolving around a specific part of his character or attire from that week.

This game has produced such wonderful nicknames as the Macchiato Mauler, The Sweater-vest Savior, The Bow-tie Brawler, The Caffeinated Crippler and my personal favorite, the Folger's Soldier.

I had to change the title a bit because tonight's show was too good to say I hated anything about it.

I try and interject some fun into these lists, so I hope you have fun reading this week's list of the 169 things we learned, loved and hated from the show. The rule seems to be that the better the show is the longer the list, is so strap in.

1. Michael Cole welcomes us to Raw.
2. Lawler is in the ring, and he is talking about the Rock and Cena doing a rock and rap concert tonight.
3. If there is anything WWE has taught us it is that two men who can both bench press a family sedan can settle their differences by having a music battle.
4. Cena's music hits and he comes out all thugged out.
5. I wish Cena would go back to this gimmick for a few months, just to mix it up a bit.
6. Cena starts doing a little free-style and compares Rock to LeBron James.
7. This segment reminds me how great Cena was when he did this kind of promo all the time.
8. Did Cena just say he was going to give Rocky a Cleveland steamer?
9. Gross.
9.5 Take some advice. DO NOT GOOGLE THAT TERM IF YOU DON'T ALREADY KNOW ITS MEANING, YOU WILL REGRET IT!!!
10. A lot of the fans are eating this up, and so am I.
11. Awesome, They had to bleep Cena calling Rock a chicken s&%*.
12. Cena says something about putting his nuts in Rock's face and then goes to the back.
13. Great promo. Quick, to the point and most of all, entertaining and controversial.
14. Vickie comes out and gets some major heat.
15. She brings out Dolph Ziggler who is sporting his shirt-skirt, or ass-cape, whatever you want to call it.
16. Sheamus is out next and he gets what might be the biggest pop I have ever heard him receive.
17. Kudos to the girl who made the "Lil' Naitch" sign.
18. Ziggler tries showing off early on, but Sheamus puts him down quickly and starts pounding on him.
19. See, it's the little details that make a difference. Just by Sheamus locking his legs around Ziggler's arm while he had him in a headlock makes the hold look so much more legitimate.
20. Ziggler barely escapes Sheamus' barrage of huge strikes to his chest while he is on the apron.
21. When we return, Sheamus is still in control of Ziggler.
22. Sheamus performs a very impressive looking hip-toss to Ziggler, sending him right over the top rope.
23. Ziggler pulls a "Hornswoggle" and goes under the ring only to emerge on the other side and surprise Sheamus from behind.
24. Ziggler throws Sheamus into the announce table so hard the thing moves about two feet backwards, almost crushing Cole between the table and barrier.
25. I think something spilled on Cole, he looked shocked as hell that the table moved the way it did.
26. Sheamus is a little hurt from that move.
27. Taking a bump with the welt he has forming has to feel like pure hell.
28. Can't they show a small screen in the corner for this interview with Bryan instead of just ignoring the match in the ring for a solid minute?
29. Bryan says he and AJ love each other and that his comments on Friday were not a good picture of their relationship.
30. AJ is doing a good job looking dejected.
31. Good lord, that welt Sheamus has going is nasty. This makes Punk's little scuff from the chamber look like nothing.
32. The fact that Sheamus has been wrestling without showing any signs of pain from that crazy bump he took shows what a real bad-ass he is.
33. Sheamus tries for his finisher but Ziggler rolls it into a crucifix pin, but Sheamus powers up and lifts Ziggler off the ground in an impressive show of strength.
34. Ha, you could tell he wanted to position Ziggler for the finisher but he twisted too much and Sheamus just tosses him off instead of fixing it.
35. You could see Sheamus laugh a little bit when he went for the pin, which was a two-count.
36. Interesting, Ziggler hits the fame-asser and it sounds like the crowd really wanted him to win right there.
37. I wonder if his following is starting to make fans cheer him similar to how Orton got over as a face while he was technically a heel.
38. Sheamus hits the brogue kick out of nowhere for the pin and the win.
39. Great match to start the night off after an awesome promo from Cena. WWE is really on fire since Elimination Chamber in terms of great episodes of Raw.
40. WWE.com had a story about how Teddy Long and John Laurinaitis will pick a tag team to represent them at WrestleMania, with the winning manager taking over both shows.
41. Another huge surprise everyone saw coming weeks ago.
42. Is anyone else seeing a TNA commercial during Raw?
43. I am not sure if I have ever seen TNA advertise during Raw before.
44. We get a replay of Orton giving Kane an RKO on SmackDown to save Aksana from having to wrestle him.
45. Am I the only one who thinks John Laurinaitis looks somewhat like a politician? He just has that look to me.
46. He is out on commentary for the next match.
47. Damn! Santino gets a big pop when he and Aksana come out.
48. Aksana doing a speed-walk to the ring is...entertaining, to say the least.
49. A very greased-up David Otunga is out next so that will obviously be the topic of this week's Otunga nickname game.
50. My nickname for Otunga is "The Slick Sycophant", leave your grease-themed nicknames below.
51. Funkman makes this a handicap match with Otunga and Mark Henry facing Santino.
52. Teddy Long comes out to put a stop to this.
53. He pulls Aksana from the apron and he and Funkman have a yelling match.
54. Hilarious. Long shoves Laurinaitis and the chair didn't tip over all the way so JL had to wiggle his legs to make it fall the rest of the way.
55. Henry and Otunga win the match after Henry hits the World's Strongest Slam.
56. Henry and Otunga pick up Santino and start slapping him and Kofi runs in to make the save.
57. He ends up getting beat down and Truth comes out next to try and make the save, again.
58. He too gets punished by Henry and Otunga.
59. They are making Otunga look much better these days by having him be a real threat to others.
60. JL announces that Henry and Otunga are on his team so far. He has four spots left to fill.
61. I am guessing Swagger will be on the team along with Epico and Primo. The last guy could be Hunico or Drew McIntyre.
62. Long will likely choose Santino, Truth, Kofi and maybe The Usos. I can't figure out his team as easily.
63. A clip is shown to hype The Miz on Psych, and I have to say that I am looking forward to that episode.
64. After Roddy Piper showed up on Psych and Mick Foley popped in on 30 Rock, it is hard not to notice that WWE superstars are getting more integrated into pop culture in the same way they were in the '80s and '90s.
65. I have to say this. Alicia Fox gets asked by Maria Menounos what she was doing to prepare for WrestleMania and she talked about getting her outfit together? This is why the Divas are not getting taken seriously. She should have said she was in the gym getting ready to kick ass or something to make it sound like their might be a decent match at WrestleMania.
66. This was almost as bad as the girl on Tough Enough who told Stone Cold her favorite match was Melina vs. Alicia Fox. OK, rant over.
67. Ryder and Eve are talking backstage about if she is trying to play him.
68. She says she wants to be friends with benefits. WWE is going all out with the adult-themed remarks tonight.
69. Beth walks up saying it should have been her getting interviewed on Extra.
70. Eve rolls her eyes as Ryder walks away. Beth compliments her on how she is pulling all the strings in the relationship.
71. This is a good sign of things to come.
72. Miz is in Laurinaitis' office and he brings in James Roday from Psych. He is lobbying for a spot on Laurinaitis' WrestleMania team
73. It looks like Roday and Miz have built a little on-screen chemistry.
74. JL puts Miz in a match with CM Punk and if he wins he is on the team.
75. Awesome, as Miz leaves, James Roday tells him to "Go oil up, bro." I have always liked this guy because he is a real WWE fan who can recognize the ridiculous aspects of the sport and joke about it.
76. Hahaha, Laurinaitis asks Roday to be a guest announcer tonight and he says he is going to "Finkel this."
77. Sweet, Brodus Clay is in the house tonight. This match might be a good indicator of how WWE plans to use him going forward.
78. When we come back from a break, we see Jinder Mahal placing his turban(?) in the protective case he has been using.
79. Does he call it a turban? I thought I remember hearing them say something different.
80. Clay and the dancers, who make my whole evening better, are out next and I could not be happier.
81. Mahal attacks Clay before the bell to get a few shots in but he ends up getting a huge head butt, sending him to the mat.
82. Clay wins a match short enough to be a Divas match and then he and his dancers shimmy and shake to celebrate the win.
83. I don't care how stupid and insane this gimmick is, I think it is a fun change of pace from the usual WWE superstars.
84. Wow. I have never heard of MGK before, but he is skinny as hell. Someone get that kid a sandwich!
85. Shawn Michaels is out after the break for a showdown with The Undertaker.
86. Shawn rolls the clip of last week where Triple H said people called Michaels a failure.
87. Michaels says no one has said he was a failure to his face.
88. HBK calls out Taker and a few seconds later the gong hits and the lights go out.
89. This is a WrestleMania-style entrance for Taker tonight. They used the longer version of the opening theme and the arena is filled with more smoke than usual.
90. All that is missing is the Druids.
91. Undertaker's entrance took longer than Clay's whole match.
92. Shawn talks about how he and Taker have always respected each other.
93. Shawn is saying Taker was talking behind his back. Where did this come from?
94. Can I just say that WWE's cameramen deserve credit for being the best in the business. I don't know if this is intentional but they have not shown Taker's eyes in complete view yet and it adds to his mystique.
95. This is a much more personal exchange than Undertaker usually has. He is talking like a real person.
96. Undertaker talks about being able to accept the outcome of the match no matter what happens.
97. I think Undertaker just screwed up the date of WrestleMania 28. He said April 21 and it is actually April 1.
98. Nice, you can hear people yelling the right date at Undertaker.
99. Shawn says none of this is destiny, it's irony.
100. He almost threatens to screw Undertaker out of his streak. If he goes heel right now, I will mark out.
101. Undertaker basically threatens to kill Michaels if he screws him over.
102. Shawn looks like he wants to throw out a Super-kick right now.
103. As Shawn leaves, he passes Triple H on the ramp as he is coming out.
104. Hunter smirks a little and then gives a crotch chop, much to the crowd's delight, before leaving.
105. WWE would be smart if they had Triple H turn heel by playing it that he is orchestrating this whole thing where Shawn wants to screw Taker before the match even starts.
106. Miz vs. Punk is up next and James Roday gets his own entrance to the Psych theme for his stint as guest ring announcer.
107. Psych is actually a pretty funny show if you don't mind a ridiculously over-the-top buddy comedy.
108. CORBIN BERNSEN RULES!!!
109. Hahahaha, big shout-out to the guy who yelled "WE WANT GUS!"
110. This is great. Who else thinks James Roday should do all of WWE's ring announcing?
111. Sign of the night "Explain GTV"
112. His jokes for Punk weren't as good as what he said about Miz.
113. Why would Jericho be watching the match from the interview area and not his locker room?
114. And why do people who have no scheduled match insist on wearing their ring gear? Do you think we won't recognize you when you have pants on or something?
115. Miz takes control early on as we go to commercial.
116. Unless they squeeze in a Divas match between this and The Rock's segment I think this will be another show without a Divas match.
117. When we come back, Miz has Punk in an abdominal stretch.
118. Punk tries for a GTS, but Miz gets out and ends up getting a near-fall.
119. A bunch of reversals leads to Punk making Miz tap the Anaconda Vise.
120. I am glad they have had him using that move more lately, he went a couple years without using it at all.
121. Jericho comes on the titan-tron and mocks Punk.
122. He calls Punk a fraud and says he knows a secret about him.
123. He says the reason Punk is straight-edge is because his father is an alcoholic who let him down.
124. Interesting direction to take.
125. Punk looks upset as Jericho really lays it on.
126. Wow, Jericho outright says he is going to make Punk become an alcoholic.
127. Punk is not that great at acting sad. His slow walk up the ramp as they faded out was pretty funny, though.
128. Nice. They show a promo for David Otunga in the style of the ambulance-chaser lawyer commercials we have seen for decades.
129. Orton is out next for a match, which means it is even more likely that the predictions for the Divas match will have to roll over once again.
130. Jack Swagger, a former World Champion, got a jobber's entrance against Orton. I wonder who will win.
131. Orton is punishing Swagger right from the get-go.
132. Back from commercial and Swagger is taking it to Orton's leg.
133. Orton hit a huge superplex on Swagger.
134. After the rope-hung DDT, Orton hits the RKO for the pin and the win for a huge pop from the crowd.
135. As Orton goes to the corner to celebrate, Kane's ring-post pyro goes off and Orton almost gets burned.
136. Kane is nowhere to be seen and we go to a replay from earlier when Cena gave one of his rap promos on Rocky.
137. The Rock is out after the commercial and he has his trusty six-string with him.
138. Is it me or is The Rock not getting as positive of a reaction as he usually does? He isn't getting booed, I am just not hearing the deafening pop we usually get from him.
139. The Rock says this is the biggest crowd they have ever had in Cleveland.
140. A Rocky chant breaks out and now it seems like he is getting more of a positive response than he was at first.
141. He gets the crowd to chant "Cleveland."
142. Nice, The Rock equates Cena to Mark Wahlberg's old rap persona.
143. Ha, within 30 seconds, he calls him Vanilla Ice, too. I wonder when the Eminem reference is coming?
144. Do I even want to know what Tele-tang is?
145. The Rock shows a graphic of Vanilla Ice + Teletubby = John Cena.
146. The Rock grabs his ax and we are about to get the Rock's song.
147. Did The Rock just make a Drew Carey Show reference? I loved that show!
148. The Rock does a song in the style of Jailhouse Rock.
149. The crowd is really behind him and I have to say this is a pretty funny song.
150. Yes! I knew it! An Eminem reference!
151. The Rock gets a big pop when he takes a break to drink some water and then he starts up again.
152. This is The Rock I have been waiting for since his return. I have wanted him to do something totally awesome, and this is it.
153. Uh oh. The Rock starts talking about Cena and Eve.
154. I am not sure why but the "Tugging on her weave" line and the line about Cena's wife made me laugh really hard.
155. The Rock can barely keep it together as he talks about Cena being born.
156. Whoever wrote this deserves an Emmy for best original song. Even Cole is laughing his ass of.
157. I am not being sarcastic, this is the best thing The Rock has done since he came back and one of my favorite things he has ever done.
158. The guy who was just shown on camera practically had an aneurysm when he saw himself on the big screen.
159. The Rock mocks some Cena fans in the audience with another part of the song.
160. Just when Cena was getting some of the crowd on his side in this feud The Rock has to go and do something awesome like this.
161. It is a good thing Cena went first because there is no way he could have followed this with the short segment he had in the beginning of the show.
162. Rocky begins to sing about a woman and ends up turning it into a joke about Cena's mom.
163. Apparently, Cena's mom can barely walk.
164. You know that withing a minute there will be a sign for #Cenasmomcanbarelywalk on the screen.
165. Rocky says he has one last song to sing tonight and it is for all the Rock's fans.
166. Nice, The Rock plays Queen's We Will Rock You but he messed up his own lyrics to the song because he was laughing too hard.
167. Some WWE cameraman was fixated on an attractive girl. This happened last week, too.
168. What an awesome segment to end a really great episode of Raw.
169. I honestly had very low expectations for the whole Rap vs  Rock concert segments, but they blew me away.

Thanks for reading and feel free to share your thoughts and additions to the list below. Also, please take a moment and make your prediction for the length of the next Divas match as well as your nickname for David Otunga.