I truly appreciate my loyal readers but for those of you who are new, each week I recap Raw with a long list.
The entries are made up of equal parts humor, recap, play-by-play, revelations, speculations, questions, answers and anything else I notice during the show. I sometimes comment on commercials too just because I get bored during them.
I have two games each week as well. The first game is trying to correctly predict the length of the next Divas match to the second. The other game is coming up with new and humorous nicknames for David Otunga revolving around a specific part of his character or attire from that week.
This game has produced such wonderful nicknames as the Macchiato Mauler, The Sweater-vest Savior, The Bow-tie Brawler, The Caffeinated Crippler and my personal favorite, the Folger's Soldier.
I try and interject some fun into these lists, so I hope you have fun reading this week's list of the 149 things we learned, loved and hated from the show.
1. The show begins with Shawn Michaels coming out to a big pop.
2. I totally forgot he was coming to Raw tonight, this is awesome.
3. I wish just once he would come out to Sherri's version of his entrance music as a tribute to her.
4. Lawler reminds us that Teddy Long is running Raw tonight.
5. HBK is out of breath from doing an energetic entrance.
6. He tries to talk about Triple H and Undertaker but he gets drowned out by another HBK chant.
7. Shawn invites Hunter to join him so we can hear why he accepted the challenge from Undertaker.
8. Trips comes out looking very corporate in his suit to a decent pop.
9. The two embrace as HHH enters the ring.
10. It never ceases to amaze me that fans in attendance will look at the titantron to see when they are on camera more than what is happening in the ring
11. Shawn asks Hunter why he accepted the challenge after telling him "no" the week before
12. He even mentions calling Trips a coward and Triple H doing nothing about it, ballsy move Shawn.
13. Shawn seems to be hinting at the fact that Triple H took the match to prove he was better than HBK.
14. An Undertaker chant starts before HHH starts talking.
15. Shawn cuts him off so he can show a replay of Trips accepting the challenge.
16. To the person waving the "Will you marry me" sign, you should probably put their name somewhere on the sign so they know it's you.
17. A "Triple Threat" chant starts up in a small part of the crowd.
18. Trips tries to talk again but Shawn shuts him up.
19. Shawn looks pissed that Triple H accepted the challenge just because Taker said he was better than Hunter.
20. Hunter tries to say it doesn't have anything to do with Shawn but that he is tired of hearing about Shawn not getting the job done.
21. So Hunter, who is saying Shawn Michaels was a failure?
22. Triple H says Shawn is the greatest in-ring performer of all time. FACT.
23. He also says he can't look at him as a loser and that is why he is going to end the streak. FICTION.
24. How the hell will it stop people from calling Shawn a failure if YOU end the streak, Hunter?
25. Seems like a cop-out to me, and Shawn does not seem to be buying it either.
26. OK, guys, wrap it up, this has been going on for about 15 minutes at this point.
27. Shawn says he knows who will win Hell in a Cell because he is the special guest ref.
28. The crowd pops huge for that and Shawn walks out with Triple H in the ring looking like he doesn't know what to think about this development.
29. Before the commercial Cole hypes another showdown with John Cena and The Rock for later.
30. Good opening segment but it seemed a little long just so we can find out Shawn is the special guest ref in the match. They could have done that in five minutes and then added another match to tonight's show.
31. WWE finally gives a fact I care about when they say that over 200 Make-A-Wish families will be at WrestleMania this year.
32. Say what you will, WWE really is great when it comes to the charity work they do.
33. Santino is out next to face Jack Swagger who has Dolph and Vickie in his corner.
34. Swagger's normally spiky hair is very flat tonight, he looks older this way.
35. Shortly after the bell, John Laurinaitis and David Otunga come out to ring-side. Otunga is wearing several shades of gray so that will be the subject of this week's Otunga Nickname game. My choice is "The Cloudy Crippler."
36. Dolph distracts Santino and Swagger hits the gutwrench powerbomb, but Santino kicks out!
37. Teddy's music hits and he comes out with the Noir Jessica Rabbit and Kofi Kingston to boot Johnny Ace from ring-side.
38. We go to commercial with the two GM's arguing.
39. How come my Chili's steak never looks as delicious as it does in these commercials? Can I claim false advertising if the steak I get looks like an old shoe?
40. Back from commercial and everyone is still at ringside while Santino is getting beat down by Swagger.
41. Santino gets hit from behind by Ziggler while the ref is distracted by Long and Laurinaitis but he hits Dolph back.
42. HAHA, the look on Santino's face when he went to give Vickie the Cobra was priceless, he was all business in the funniest possible way.
43. Aksana shoves Vickie to the ground and we get a not-so-pleasant shot up Vickie's skorts.
44. Do people still use the term skorts or am I really out of touch?
45. Interesting, Santino wins the match and becomes the new US Champion.
46. Johnny Ace tries to stop this from happening and Teddy reminds him that he is in charge tonight.
47. Long calls for security to escort Laurinaitis and Otunga from the ring.
48. Hilarious. Watching Laurinaitis scream "I'll get you for this, Teddy!" is reminiscent of every episode of Dukes of Hazzard and Wizard of OZ. "And your little dog too!"
49. Santino celebrates with Teddy, Aksana and Kofi as the crowd cheers him on as the new US Champion.
50. I am very unhappy about how Swagger's so-called reign as champion was booked.
51. It looks like Santino is in for a push and his Chamber appearance was not just a fluke to round out the participants.
52. Good for you, Santino, you have been the butt of WWE's joke for so long and you have taken it in stride. You will hopefully gets some time to develop into a real wrestler again instead of the comedy gimmick you have done so well for so long.
53. We get a video of The Rock at Boston Harbor earlier today, so is he actually in the house tonight or not?
54. The Rock is going to give Cena a history lesson tonight. He starts talking about the Boston influence in the Revolutionary War.
55. The Rock is going to prove a point by adding more trash to the harbor? Whatever you say, Dwayne.
56. Nice, he brings out the ridiculous looking Cena gnome and says whoever has this in their garden is a virgin.
57. Damn, there really is a lot of crap with Cena's face on it isn't there?
58. The Rock cracks up as he makes a midget joke about some child-sized shorts.
59. They make Cena cologne? If you wear that, then you are not a smart consumer.
60. Rocky says it smells like beer, Fruity Pebbles and opossum piss, and yes it's "opossum." Possums live in Australia, New Zealand and New Guinea. Opossums are what we have in the US. I guess if you live in Australia, then it is possum piss he is talking about.
60.5 You can't say I don't try and teach you very random things.
61. The Rock tells some jabroni to go grab the Cena trash from the harbor before walking off camera.
62. Alicia "Foxy-Mama" Fox is in the ring, so it looks like we will be timing the next Divas match.
63. K2 is on commentary.
64. Eve Whorres is out next to some nice heat and she is smiling like nothing is wrong.
65. You're no good, you're no good, you're no good, baby you're no good.
66. Dear god, a 34 second Divas match. Really WWE? You guys all gave WWE too much credit and nobody predicted within 10 seconds of the correct time. Leave your predictions below.
67. Zack Ryder's music hits and he gets a big pop and talks about how he is glad they never hooked up. Broskis before Hoeskis.
68. He lost the back brace and is now walking with a cane.
69. Fastest recovery from a broken back ever.
70. Someone needs to teach Ryder how to sell using a cane. "Hey Ryder! When you use a cane it is supposed to be supporting you, not out in front of you barely touching the ground."
71. After commercial, Eve is backstage trying to talk to Ryder and he stops to listen, so she kisses him.
72. He is smiling as she runs off, what a rube.
73. We get a video of Cena sitting in the empty arena talking about The Rock.
74. He talks about Boston's recent history of being the city of champions and also how they have seen a lot of loss as well.
75. The Rock went for comedy and Cena went for sincerity. Whose video did you like better?
76. CM Punk's music hits after the video and as he comes out one of the cameras is focused on what must be the only attractive, and possibly underage, girl wearing a Punk shirt in the crowd.
77. "It's Clobberin' Time!!!"
78. Sheamus is out next to team with Punk to take on Chris Jericho and Daniel Bryan.
79. Wait a second. You're telling me I can buy a limited edition WrestleMania folding chair for $75 dollars at K-Mart when I spend $30 on WWE merchandise and I don't even have to go to Mania to get it? Where the hell are my car keys?
80. In case it was not clear, that was sarcasm, although I think I laid it on pretty thick.
81. Daniel Bryan and V.I.C.I. are out first for their team. Small Wonder was a good show, I don't care what you say.
82. Ha, the camera cut too early to Jericho walking backwards onto the ramp for his entrance and it sounds like his music hit a little too early after the fireworks because I couldn't hear the beginning of the song at all.
83. Vince is going to have someone's ass for that one, and it isn't even a big mistake.
84. Punk and Jericho lock up first and they do some chain wrestling before Punk kicks Jericho in the gut a few times to take the early advantage.
85. This is some fast-paced action to start the match but after a minute or so Jericho tags in Bryan.
86. Sheamus is in and he goes to work on his WrestleMania opponent.
87. Has Bryan been tanning or is Sheamus so white that he makes everyone around him look very tan?
88. Jericho ends up with control o,er Punk before we go to commercial.
89. When we come back, Jericho is egging on the crowd while he punishes Punk.
90. Punk gets the tag and Sheamus goes to work on Jericho right away and almost gets a pin.
91. I am glad Jericho is getting some decent ring time in this match because he really hasn't been in many matches on free TV for long durations since returning.
92. He looks good in this match; maybe I should try DDP Yoga too.
93. Punk comes in off a springboard and starts to hold his back after he lands.
94. He slaps the ring, yelling "Dammit!" which is either a good sell or a sign that he really tweaked something.
95. Punk hits the Macho Elbow for a near-fall.
96. Punk tries to reverse a Walls of Jericho attempt into a roll-up but Jericho rolls through and gets the pin for his team.
97. Wait a damn second, I just rewound a bit to confirm this and Jericho was definitely never tagged into the match.
98. It looks like he was supposed to tag in when Punk pushed Bryan into the ropes so he could roll him back for a pin and Jericho forgot to tag him and just jumped in the ring.
99. The ref started counting for Bryan to get out of the ring so obviously it was a planned tag which was botched.
100. Great match other than the botched ending, which was probably not noticed by very many people anyways.
101. We get a second Rock video and this time he is by the Paul Revere statue.
102. He does his usual deal with yelling and pie references, except this time he has a tri-corner hat on.
103. The Miz is out when we come back from another commercial and he has on his new "DANGER, I'm Awesome and You're Not" shirt.
104. Big Show is out next and I am going to bet that Cody Rhodes will be making an appearance sometime in this match.
105. Poor Miz, still no WrestleMania match.
106. Damn I'm good, Rhodes pops out on stage and gives us a clip which doesn't feature Big Show at WrestleMania, but eating at the WWE restaurant in New York during WM18.
107. Remember when Big Show has hair? Good times.
108. Miz tries to take advantage of the distraction but Show explodes out of the corner and just spears the hell out of him.
109. Big Show hits the WMD and gets the pin in another very short match in a night filled with short matches.
110. I have to say that Big Show is probably one of the only people who could actually take down anyone in the locker room with a spear.
111. Jesus! We get a third Rocky history lesson where he is outside the Massachusetts State House.
112. WWE basically shortened every match except for the tag match with the four men in the title matches at Mania so we could see three Rocky videos, a Cena video and an HBK/HHH showdown which lasted 15 minutes and told us something we all already kind of knew.
113. The Rock calls Cena a "Smiling Superman" which is actually a great way to characterize Cena.
114. Rock makes a cheap penis joke, etc.
115. I love the Rock but they are giving this way too much time tonight.
116. R-Truth comes out, accompanied by Little Jimmy of course.
117. Kane is out as his opponent and as he comes to the ring we get a replay of Kane attacking Orton on SmackDown.
118. Kane wins another really short match.
119. Orton's music hits and the crowd pops as he comes down looking for some revenge.
120. Truth holds Kane's leg so Orton can hit the RKO.
121. Orton grabs the mic and responds to Kane's statement from Friday by saying "It's good to be back."
122. It's good to have Orton back, he is a great talent who has taken a back seat in the title scene lately so the guys like Punk and Bryan can be in the spotlight. I have no doubt that after Mania he will be back on the hunt for gold, though.
123. After commercial Cena comes out to a mixed reaction from what is usually a very Pro-Cena city.
124. HAHA, sign of the night: "RAW ISN'T WAR."
125. Cena says he thought he would get more excitement to push the crowd for another reaction.
126. He mentions the Rock and some of the crowd boos which is confusing because it's hard to tell if they are still booing Cena or booing the mention of The Rock.
127. Cena does a hilarious run down of The Rock's infomercial style of promos and head whips, complete with bodily motions.
128. Cena brings up The Rock always mentioning his penis.
129. Cena equates The Rock to The Situation which should be a much bigger insult than the crowd seemed to think it was.
130. Awesome, Cena brings up The Rock stuttering a little last week, which may have been planned but still makes for a funny joke by Cena.
131. This is great, Cena brings up that he isn't even wrestling but he is wearing knee pads and I am always saying that if a wrestler isn't wrestling that night then they should be in street clothes.
132. Why did Orton have to get all oiled up and put on his speedo just to give Kane an RKO when he could have been wearing jeans and his WWE t-shirt?
133. Cena started talking when I had right around 25 minutes left on my DVR recording, who wants to take bets than he and The Rock go longer than that and I miss the end of the show again because WWE can't time out a show properly even when I schedule it to record an extra 10 minutes?
134. I like how Cena's one video took place in the arena he is in right now and The Rock's videos took place outside the WWE. It adds to the argument Cena has about him being there for the WWE and The Rock being everywhere else.
135. After about six minutes, The Rock's music hits and he comes out to a good pop but I can hear a few boos too.
136. The Rock does his "Finally" shtick before getting to the point.
137. The Rock says he sees fear in Cena's eyes.
138. A small Cena chant breaks out but the boos overpower it.
139. Cena looks like he is trying not to laugh as Rocky says "look at me."
140. I always have a hard time keeping a straight face when someone says that too because the person speaking is never any easier to understand just because you look directly at them on command.
141. The crowd starts chanting "Tooth Fairy" and Cena calls attention to it for a nice pop from the crowd.
142. The Rock says Cena will always be his bitch and then heads to the back with a confident walk.
143. Cena reads some notes he took on his wrist to mock the Rock as he says he will win the match at Mania.
144. As Cena keeps talking, the crowd starts to cheer him more, but it is to be expected from his home state.
145. Cena jumps into the crowd and steals someone's beer! Call the cops!
146. I take back my earlier rant, I have 10 minutes left on my recording as the show closes.
147. Cena embraces his family as we fade out.
148. After the show a commercial airs hyping next week's show where we will see Rock sing and Cena rap from what I can decipher.
149. Ugh.
Thanks for reading and feel free to share your thoughts and additions to the list below. Also, please take a moment and make your prediction for the length of the next Divas match as well as your nickname for David Otunga.
If you enjoyed reading this, then please take a moment and read my recent article:
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