MLB 2008: Ballsy Predictions Sure To Go Wrong

Just thought I'd enlighten the world with some gutsy predictions sure to go wrong for the 2008 MLB season.

These predictions are meant for entertainment purposes, so no one should write on my bulletin board at the end of the year saying that Barry Bonds did not end up serving life in Guantanamo Bay.

On that note, let's begin...

• Despite predictions from Jimmy Rollins and Carlos Beltran about their teams, they will be the teams chasing all season and will be forced to watch as the Atlanta Braves regain the NL East.
  

• New plans for a classy $450,000,000 ballpark for the Tampa Bay Rays will go down the drains when owners realize they own the Tampa Bay Rays.

• Kyle Kendrick will deliver an inspired year for the Phillies after an ingenious prank and will never again eat hot dogs or enjoy the Nathan's 4th of July Hot Dog Eating Contest.

• Totally unrelated, Brett Myers will be found dead in a Philadelphia dumpster by the end of July.

• Roger Clemens, Barry Bonds, Chuck Knoblauch, and other confirmed steroid users will be still hated by the American public. Brian McNamee however, will become an American hero.

• Francisco Liriano will leave Minnesota Twins fans saying "Johan ...who?"

• Baltimore's goal this season: Lose by less points than the Baltimore Ravens do, something they couldn't accomplish last season.

• Lou Piniella will learn as many Japanese swear words as he can to welcome in new outfieldfer Kosuke Fukodome.

• Tickets to the 2008 MLB All-Star Game in Yankee Stadium will be harder to get than a confession from Roger Clemens.

• The Arizona Diamondbacks will be the team to beat in the NL West, and possibly in the entire National League.

• David Wright will win the NL MVP, sparking the "best third baseman in New York controversy," which will be quieted when Alex Rodriguez wins his fourth AL MVP

• The Colorado Rockies will be the American Sweethearts once again at the end of the season, but they will fall short in the NL wild card race.

• Joba-Mania will be outdone only by Shelley Duncan's unexpected resurgence.

• Now that he's adjusted to life back in the MLB, Rich Ankiel will put up decent numbers: .290 AVG, 24 HR, and 95 RBI.

• Seattle Mariners will be the unexpected dark horses of the American League, with the 1-2 punch of Erik Bedard and Felix Hernandez, and will be aided by a comeback year from Richie Sexson.

• The New York Yankees will sweep at least one series with the Boston Red Sox, and will win their division over the Sox by at least 3 games.

• Josh Beckett will win the 2008 AL Cy Young in a very close race with Justin Verlander and Erik Bedard.

• Detroit will win the AL Central with one of the highest ranking offenses in history, but they will lose in the ALDS beacuse of shoddy pitching.

• Cleveland will get the wild card by once more riding the coat tails of C.C. Sabathia.

• New York will win the NL Wild Card, but Johan Santana will not win 20 games for the 4th straight season.

• Barry Zito will sadly be alone in his "Dont blame me, blame Barry" T-shirt, as will the entire San Fransico Giants, who will finish in the cellar of the NL West.

• Houston Astros will have yet another uninspired season in the heart of Texas, and finish near the bottom of the NL Comedy Central.

• Sadly, something will happen to the Chicago Cubs after they win the NL Central, NLDS, then crumble in the NLCS, making it 100 years since they've won a world series.

• The NL Cy Young will be won by Carlos Zambrano, followed closely by Brandon Webb.

• Joe Girardi will win the AL Manager of the Year award, calling for the debate of whether anyone with a head and two arms and two legs could win with the Yankees.

• Lou Piniella will win NL Manager of the Year.

• ALDS : New York Yankees over Cleveland Indians.
• ALDS : Detroit Tigers over Seattle Mariners.
• NLDS : Chicago Cubs over Atlanta Braves.
• NLDS : New York Mets over Arizona Diamondbacks.

• ALCS : New York Yankees over Detroit Tigers.
• NLCS : New York Mets over Chicago Cubs.