The Doctor's Full WWE Royal Rumble Recap: 247 Things We Learned, Loved and Hated

The 2012 Royal Rumble is in the rear-view mirror and the road to WrestleMania is straight ahead. The night saw numerous moments which will stick out in fans' minds, some good and some bad.

A while back, I took a concept and expanded on it to make it my own. I got such great feedback from the readers that I decided to make it a weekly edition. Each week, I do a long recap list for Raw and SmackDown and I also do them for the PPV events I see.

Any loyal reader of B/R is probably familiar with my recap lists by now, but for those of you who are new to my recaps, they are equal parts humor, recap, preview, revelations, speculations, questions, answers and any other random observations.

Due to the fact that this was a PPV, and the Rumble, the list is much longer than normal. I divided it up into sections so anyone who only wants the bullet points from certain matches can skip the rest if they so choose.

I try and have fun with these so I hope you enjoy this month's 247 things we learned, loved and hated from the 2012 Royal Rumble Pay Per View.

Daniel Bryan vs. Mark Henry vs. Big Show for the World Title

1. Cole welcomes us to the Royal Rumble
2. The first match is going to be the World Title match with Daniel Bryan, Mark Henry and Big Show
3. The champ is out first
4. Bryan gets some decent heat as he walks out
5. I am surprised to hear Cole putting Bryan down so much given that he is now a heel
6. Bryan looks amped up for the match as he circles the ring doing his routine where he acts like he just won the match
7. Henry is out next to some heat as well, looks like Show is going to get the big ovation here
8. The orange ring posts with white ropes is a cool look I have not seen WWE use before
9. Show comes out to a decent pop
10. Show gives his hat to a little girl at ringside who ducks to avoid it
11. Must be a wrestler's kid because Show says "I know who your daddy is" to her
12. The mother and other people around were laughing pretty hard
13. They reshow Big Show calling Bryan an "arrogant little ass," a clip I find hilarious for some reason
14. Show goes right for Bryan, but Henry tries to take advantage
15. Show runs him over and now he is the only man left standing as he squashes Henry into the cage wall
16. Bryan tries to escape while Show is pummeling Henry but gets dragged back in by Show
17. Bryan tries to escape a second time, he is playing the coward really well
19. Show tries for the WMD but hits the cage when Bryan moves
20. Show has had the advantage for the first few minutes
21. Bryan comes back with a dropkick to Show's knee and several kicks to Henry's arm and head
22. Bryan nearly walks right out of the cage but Henry cuts him off
23. Henry yells "Close that door!" to the ref as he drags Bryan back in
24. Henry being vocal in matches is always a little more interesting
25. Show hits a kick to Henry's face and he is back in control
26. Bryan is clutching at Show's singlet to pull himself back up, but Show knees him in the gut and starts pounding him in the back
27. King says AJ would never have gotten hurt if she had not been at ringside
28. It's keen observations like those that make him the big bucks; I wish there was a specific font for sarcasm
29. Bryan keeps taking more punishment as Henry takes out Show and focuses on him again
30. Bryan tries an unsuccessful pin on Henry after a quick spear from Show takes him down
31. Show should use the spear as a finisher, it would be convincing that no one would get up from a 500-pound giant propelling himself into you
32. Show goes for the Choke Slam but Bryan reverses it into a DDT
33. Show kicks out of a pin so Bryan tries the LeBell Lock
34. Shouldn't he know by now that Henry and Show can easily break out of this hold by just rolling over?
35. Show hits the WMD on Henry but Bryan breaks up the pin and then goes to climb the cage
36. Bryan tries to drop from the cage but Show holds onto him by the wrist but he drops him and Bryan wins
37. Cole says Bryan got so lucky tonight, probably true since I think that finish was botched and way too early given the length of the match
38. I really like how they put this video package together on Cena

Divas Match

39. They decided to add a Divas match to the card
40. The Bellas, Beth Phoenix and Natalya all come out in matching aqua colored attire
41. Out next is Kelly Kelly, Alicia Fox, Eve and Tamina
42. Eve smiling is a bit strange after what happened on Monday
43. Lawler can't focus with all the Divas in the ring, but who could?
44. Booker: "King, what do you like about the Bellas?"
45. King: "Everything."
46. Classic Lawler, I wonder if he is allowed to yell "PUPPIES" anymore?
47. Cole actually tries to compare the Bellas to Harlem Heat, what a rube
48. I just realized that Tamina is the only face Diva who isn't wearing an orange outfit
49. K2 dives from the top rope onto all the Divas in a move that gets a small pop from the crowd
50. This is the longest Divas match I have seen in, well, I can't remember the last time
51. Phoenix gets the win for her team with the Glam Slam to Kelly Kelly
52. I think each woman was legal in the ring exactly one time each

Kane vs. John Cena

53. We see Ryder backstage in a back brace
54. He says he needs to see Cena kick Kane's ass
55. I guess he is more forgiving than Eve
56. Johnny Ace walks up and says he has a nice suite set up for Ryder
57. Eve walks up and uses some big words to describe Laurinaitis
58. Cena's music hits and he gets more boos than cheers as he walks out onto the stage
59. I know it's very unlikely but I hope he somehow turns heel tonight
60. Cole tells us that Cena passed 10 Million followers on Facebook
61. A statistic about a social network that isn't Twitter? I can deal with that
62. They have actually toned down the Twitter talk a bit lately, which is a very good thing
63. Kane gets a mixed reaction but I don't think he got the heat Cena did
64. Cena goes right for Kane when the bell rings but Kane reverses the action with a big boot
65. "Let's Go Cena, Cena Sucks" echoes in the crowd
66. This match should have been some kind of big stipulation like a cage or an I Quit match
67. Kane is beating on Cena like it's going out of style
68. Kane has been working out, he is clearly in better shape than when he was last seen not wearing a mask
69. They trade blows with Cena getting the boos and Kane getting the cheers
70. Not as brutal of a match as I would have expected from two guys in such a bitter rivalry
71. Does wearing one glove make Kane the Michael Jackson of WWE?
72. Kane has been in control for most of the match so far as we hit the five minute mark
73. Kane tries to smother Cena with his hand again but Cena reverses and almost locks in the STF
74. Kane goes up top and hits the big clothesline from the top rope
75. Why do wrestlers always telegraph their finishers?
76. Cena reverses momentum after Kane failed to hit the Choke Slam
77. He walks around Kane, signaling for the Five Knuckle Shuffle as the crowd boos him heavily, but Kane breaks away
78. How great would it be if WWE repeated what they did with Austin and Hart where Hart turned heel and Austin turned face at the same time?
79. Well, making Kane a face might not make much sense I guess
80. Kane goes for a superplex but Cena knocks him off the top and does a diving Five Knuckle Shuffle from the top rope
81. Nice move, kind of different for Cena
82. BOO, double count out? Are you serious, bro?
83. Kane and Cena continue fighting after the count out
84. They end up fighting into the backstage area
85. Kane ends up knocking Cena out with several chair shots
86. Kane breaks down the door to Ryder's room
87. For a guy who supposedly has a broken back, Ryder is sure able to kick at Kane pretty well
88. Kane smothers Ryder and rolls him out to the ring
89. HAHA, the brakes on the chair slipped and Kane looked confused for a second
90. Ryder must have the most minor broken back in history
91. Eve comes down and pleads with Kane, but Kane doesn't listen
92. He lifts Ryder up high and drops him with a tombstone
93. He sets his sights on Eve but Cena makes the save
94. The crowd actually boos Cena saving Eve, hilarious
95. Booker speculates that Ryder's career could be over
96. Not likely seeing, as he is selling a lot of merchandise
97. I am very disappointed in how this match ended
98. It does leave the option open to continue the feud with Kane and Cena through Elimination Chamber though
99. We get a video of The Rock talking about returning to wrestling
100. They show Rock doing some dancing similar to how the Usos do the traditional dances on the entrance ramp
101. This is a long video for a guy who isn't even on the card tonight

Brodus Clay vs. Drew McIntyre

102. What's this? Drew McIntyre gets a PPV match even with a long losing streak
103. Drew has a big smile on his face, until he hears Clay's music start up
104. Awesome, I am so happy to see Clay is getting his own PPV match tonight
105. He has on a snazzy new green track suit
106. Even Cole gets into the groove, rare to hear him having fun on the air like this
107. I would like to give my sincere thanks to whoever made those cat suits for his dancers
108. McIntyre is pissed at ringside and yells that Clay is embarrassing to the business
109. A Funkasaurus chant breaks out, I think he is officially more popular than Cena tonight
110. Drew actually gets first blows in but Clay is just shimmying in the corner as Drew tries to beat him down, unsuccessfully
111. Clay reverses the momentum and hits his finisher to end the match
112. This was his longest match since debuting on Raw, but still too short
113. Those dancers are dropping it like it's hot
114. Buy two Slim Jims and they will send one to the troops

CM Punk vs. Dolph Ziggler for the WWE title

115. Up next is Punk vs. Ziggler for the title
116. For some reason we get two different video packages before the match
117. Funkman comes out first to no music in his sleeveless ref shirt
118. Booker mocks the shirt too, nice
119. He takes a mic and says his title over the course of several minutes
120. The crowd "Whats" him during his speech about him not being the in ring ref anymore
121. He will still be a second ref outside the ring
122. Ziggler is out to some decent heat
123. Punk gets a nice pop as he comes out wearing a Madball hoodie
124. Help me out here, what is Madball?
125. It's clobberin' time!
126. Kind of convenient that right behind Punk is a group of people wearing his shirts as he poses before the match
127. Why are they using two different ring announcers tonight?
128. Wow, Johnny Ace boots Vickie before the match starts
129. Oh yeah, there was a stipulation in place that said she couldn't be at ringside
130. They lock up and have a nice back-and-forth in the early going
131. Awesome, Ziggler does a Flair strut and the crowd "Woos" him
132. Even Punk smiled at that
133. Punk ends up hitting a nice suicide dive after dropping Ziggler outside the ring
134. Punk gets knocked down from the top rope in an awkward way, I think he hit his head on the turnbuckle on the way down
135. Ziggler takes control and hits his series of jumping elbow drops
136. Mr. Ziggles puts on the sleeper, Punk reverse into an anaconda vise attempt only to have Ziggler roll through and re-apply the sleeper
137. Ziggler hits a great dropkick after Punk shakes him off
138. Ziggler turned into Orton for a minute with that backwards slither move
139. Ziggler goes for a huracanrana but Punk holds on, spins and drops him with a powerbomb, that was really cool looking
140. This is a great match so far, already match of the night
141. Why is Lawler being so quiet on commentary tonight?
142. Ziggler gets a near fall holding Punk's tights
143. Punks hits the flying elbow and a "Randy Savage" chant breaks out, fantastic
144. Ziggler shoves Punk into the ref, who goes through the ropes and is down outside the ring
145. I guess it's all up to Funkman now
146. Punk makes Ziggler tap but JL is busy checking on the ref outside the ring
147. Punk yells at him to do his job and Ziggler tries a rollup, which Punk reverses and gets what would have been a 3 count had JL been in there to count
148. Punk ends up hitting JL with Ziggler's leg as he spins him and hits the GTS
149. Johnny Ace is pissed and doesn't count
150. Ha, Punk calls JL "clown shoes"
151. Ziggler hits the Zig Zag and gets a very near fall
152. Punks hits the GTS and wins
153. Why did JL jump in the ring and count with the other ref?
154. Now he is trying to present the title to Punk to show he is unbiased
155. We end up getting a video hyping some new YouTube shows from WWE
    -WWE Presents
    -WWE Download
    -Back Stage Fallout
    -Inbox
    -Outside the Ring
    -Superstar Toys
    -Santino's Foreign Exchange
    -Are You Serious (Possibly a second Ryder show?)
    -Z True Long Island Story
156. I guess if you create a popular YouTube show on your own, WWE will make you put it on their YouTube channel eventually, unless they pay him extra or he was cool with it this is kind of unfair in my opinion
157. Whatever, as long as he is still able to be his own writer and producer, it will be funny
158. A WrestleMania video plays featuring The Undertaker, I wonder if he will return at The Rumble tonight?
159. Lawler plays up the Rumble theme song by ,which I still say stole a melody from Lenny Kravitz
160. Three straight video packages, ugh

Royal Rumble Match

161. Miz is out first for the Rumble and he makes a speech before the match starts
162. Miz, lay off the fake and bake dude, you look like an Oompa Loompa
163. Whoa, his former protege Riley is out second
164. Riley has been absent from Raw and SmackDown so this is nice to see
165. From here forward the list will be mostly entrances and eliminations since it is already way over what I was planning
166. Miz eliminates Riley before the third man is out
167. Truth is the third man in the Rumble
168. Cody Rhodes is in fourth
169. I kind of hope Miz wins, he is doing well early on
170. Justin Gabriel is in fifth
171. Primo is the sixth man to enter the match
172. Miz eliminates Truth
173. Foley is out seventh to a big pop, the whole crowd raised their arms in unison, it was a cool scene
174. Lawler actually called it a pop too, not often you hear that term used on TV
175. Foley eliminates Primo
176. I miss Rosa
177. Miz is still on the outside after Truth pulled him under the ropes and hit his finisher
178. Ricardo Rodriguez is out eighth in a beater car and Del Rio's ring gear, this is hilarious
179. Awesome, a Ricardo chant breaks out
180. Santino is the ninth man in the match
181. Foley and Ricardo throw Gabriel out and Ricardo does a little celebration as he and Foley seem to be working together
182. Santino eliminates Ricardo
183. He and Foley have a stare down, its The Cobra vs Mr Socko, I have been waiting for this
184. Epico is the tenth man in and gets eliminated by Foley right away
185. Rhodes eliminates Santino
186. Then he throws Foley over as well, down to Rhodes and Miz alone in the ring
187. Kofi is the 11th man in the ring
188. YES! Lawler is in the Rumble, he gets up from the booth and gets in the ring as the 12th entrant
189. Rhodes quickly eliminates Lawler, good showing by Rhodes so far in this match
190. Ezekiel Jackson is the 13th man in the match
191. Jinder Mahal is the 14th man to come out
192. I am shocked to see Khali as the No. 15 man in the match
193. Khali throws Mahal out over the top to eliminate him
194. Khali throws Jackson out next
195. Hunico is the 16th man in the Rumble, Camacho gives him a ride to the ring
196. Nice, Booker is No. 17 and he gets up from the booth and jumps in
197. Kofi does a handstand to avoid elimination and walks himself back to the steps
198. Cole says it is the greatest thing he has seen in the Rumble and I kind of agree; it was really cool
199. Ziggler is the 18th man in the match
200. And the 19th man in is...Hacksaw Jim Duggan
201. The first Rumble winner gets a nice pop and the crowd chants USA
202. Damn, Rhodes eliminates Duggan after a short run where Duggan beat down a couple people
203. Cody eliminates Khali and Booker at the same time, he might break Kane's record for most eliminations tonight
204. Oh my god, Michael Cole is No. 20 in the match
205. So the whole announce team gets spots in the match? When do the Spanish announcers get their turn?
206. Kharma is the 21st person in the Rumble and she runs Cole down immediately, I couldn't be happier
207. She hits him so hard that his headgear goes flying
208. Booker and Lawler end up eliminating Cole from the outside before Kharma hits a big move on Ziggler
209. Kharma eliminates Hunico
210. Ziggler throws Kharma out right after, he really had to struggle to get her over the top rope
211. Sheamus is out as the 22nd entrant in some slick new ring gear
212. Sheamus catches Kofi and eliminates him from the match
213. Miz is still hanging in there, he might just pull an HBK and win the whole thing after entering at number one
214. No. 23 is Road Dogg, this Rumble is full of surprises
215. Jey Uso is number 24, but Jimmy is in street clothes with him so I guess he doesn't get a spot
216. The 25th entrant is Jack Swagger
217. Wade Barrett is the 26th man in the match and he has a new theme
218. Barrett eliminates Road Dogg right away
219. King cracks up Cole and Booker by saying "Oh you didn't know, it's time to go"
220. Wow, I am a little surprised to see Otunga come out at number 27
221. Statistically Otunga has the best chance of winning based on past entrants at number 27 winning
222. Orton is out at number 28 and the crowd pops big time for him
223. Orton does a double rope-hung DDT on Rhodes and Ziggler
224. Orton eliminates Uso
225. RKO to Barrett and Orton eliminates him too
226. No. 29 is Chris Jericho who gets a decent pop considering how heelish he has been acting since returning
227. A Y2J chant breaks out as he eliminates Otunga
228. Cole tells us that Miz and Rhodes have been in the match for over 40 minutes each at this point
229. The final man in the match is Big Show
230. He pulls Swagger out of the ring and eliminates him before even getting in the ring
231. Show gave Swagger a WMD which looks like it might have actually connected a little more than planned
232. Damn, Show eliminates Miz and Rhodes in one move
233. Show tosses out Ziggler with ease and it is down to Show, Y2J, Orton and Sheamus
234. Orton powers Big Show over the ropes and eliminates him in an impressive show of strength
235. Jericho eliminates Orton and we are down to Y2J and Sheamus
236. Sheamus comes really close to eliminating Jericho in the corner, but Jericho fights out and hits a nice missile dropkick from the middle rope
237. Something kid of funny I noticed, there are three guys in the second row with Punk shirts on, but underneath they each had a part of Y2J painted on their chest
238. Sheamus almost gets eliminated but makes it back in with his flying shoulder block
239. Jericho slaps on the Walls of Jericho
240. Both men are on the top rope and the two almost fall off and get eliminated
241. Jericho hits a code breaker and tries to pin him, then he realizes this is the Rumble
242. YES! Sheamus wins with a huge Brogue Kick to eliminate Jericho
243. I am so happy they didn't just give Jericho the win after returning
244. Sheamus will now be in the main event of WrestleMania
245. The crowd seems torn on whether they like this result
246. I for one am happy Sheamus won
247. The show goes off the air with Sheamus celebrating with a huge fireworks display going off

I thank anyone who actually took the time to read this whole thing. I know it wasn't as entertaining as most of my recap lists, but with this being a PPV, plus the fact that it was the Rumble made it so there was less non-wrestling segments to comment on, which usually provide for most of my jokes.

Please feel free to share your thoughts and additions to the list below. I'm going to check out Hulk Hogan's cameo and then hit the hay, good night everyone.