Top Ten Things I Don't Understand

It’s simple. Below is a list of things I don’t understand.


1. I don’t understand the optimism in the Twins having a legitimate chance at the postseason this year. We’re rebuilding, why can’t we accept that?

I was talking to a die-hard Twins fan the other day that somehow is related to me and he pretty much said we’re the favorite to win the World Series. Ok, he didn’t flat out say it but his optimism for this season was alarmingly high. I don’t get it.

Yes, our lineup has gotten better from last year’s squad. However, we scored the third least runs in the AL last year. Does replacing Hunter, Punto and Castillo with Young, Lamb and Harris put us in the top half? I don’t see it unless the other staples like Mauer, Morneau, Cuddy and Kubel have better years. If they do, that might be a moot point because of the pitching staff.

Baker, Bonser, Hernandez, and Slowey are almost locks for four of the spots in the rotation. Their ERA’s last year: 4.26, 5.10, 4.93 & 4.73 for an average of 4.75 on the nuts. A healthy Liriano hopefully fulfills the last spot but that seems to be in question to start the season.

First off, he’s not even in the country. Get him on a flipping raft and send his ass over here. Why wasn’t this Visa issue worked out way in advance? Second off, he’s coming off MAJOR arm surgery and hasn’t pitched in 18 months. Anyways, if he starts in the minors you’re looking at a guy like Perkins or Humber. Two unknowns that haven’t proved shit in the Bigs.

The point being is that the stars will have to align for us to make the playoffs this year. We have a young squad and that pitching staff is very inexperienced. Give everyone one or two years of game experience and my tone will be very different. I just don’t see it this year.

2. On a truly serious note, I don’t understand people opening fire against innocent people. We’ve seen it quite a bit in the last year.

It happened again last week at the campus of Northern Illinois. Some people just aren’t right up in the head for completing an act like this. If it’s that bad take your own life but don’t drag down innocent people with you. I cringe at stories like this. That’s pretty much all I’m going to say because the whole thing is extremely sad.

3. I don’t understand North Carolina’s hire of Everett Withers, the former University of MN defensive coordinator. Does the UNC AD look at stats?

Here’s one for you: The Gophers finished LAST nationally in total defense. How in the F was he even a candidate? Well, they just hired a dude that orchestrated a defense that gave up an average of 518 yards a game last year—great hire Tar Heels. I feel like we just got out of a bad business deal. We should be popping the bubbly over this. You know, maybe Everett was sick of Brewster talking like a hillbilly with phrases like: “very-very,” “a dynamic player,” and “Gopher nation.”

4. I don’t understand NBA trades. Aaron Mckie was coaxed out of retirement to make the Gasol to the Lakers trade work. Now, Keith Van Horn was also coaxed out of retirement to make Kidd to the Mavs trade work.

Mckie was a volunteer player assistant coach with the Sixers but the Lakers still had his trade rights. So to match up the salaries, he was included. He’s now getting minutes with Memphis! Keith Van Horn was probably living in Utah with his polygamous family when he gets the call that he’s been traded. He’s not even in the league at all!

I have a ton of questions on this: Why is this possible? Can’t they just get rid of this loophole of the trades? Does it have to be a player? Van Horn is probably going to get bought out and get a million dollars for this whole thing. He doesn’t even have to leave his 15 children and four wives. He can just chill and collect a million bones.

Wouldn’t it be cool if the employee of the year in the organization could reap these benefits? Because Van Horn was a player he gets the extra money. Why can’t that be Mitch Toolbag in sales?

As I’m writing this, I realize they do it because Van Horn is still probably getting a salary from Dallas and they need it to match the trade up. But, if they can find a loophole where players are sitting at home that get traded and don’t play a minute, they should be able to find a loophole for Mitch, the common man.

I’m sick of these players getting richer. Ok, moving on because that whole paragraph has a 2 percent chance of making sense now that I think about it.

5. I don’t understand Yahoo. I would like someone to explain in detail why it was worth it for Yahoo to reject Microsoft’s bid of 44 billion dollars to buy them. Maybe I’m not smart enough to realize how much search engines are worth but 44 billion ain’t bad chumps.

That says a lot about Microsoft too. They have the capability to offer 44 fucking billion dollars to buy something. How sweet would that be? It would be hard for me to offer 4,400 dollars to buy something. I know I have a few friends/relatives who are economic people that understand this better than I do, so please explain why Yahoo took a dump on 44 bill.

6. I don’t understand Dwight Howard. Actually, it’s more that I don’t understand his genetic make-up. How can you be 6’11"/270 and jump that high?

I’m sure most of you saw or have seen clips of the dunk contest and you know what I’m talking about. A hell of a dunk contest I might add. Players keep getting more creative every year.

Gerald Green’s blow out of the candle on the cupcake was awesome and Kenny Smith about lost it during the broadcast. Anyways, Howard has a 40-inch vertical leap. 270 pounds of muscle and the guy can jump out of the gym. It’s not fair.

Fun Fact: He petitioned the NBA to raise the rim to 12-feet for the dunk contest but they said no. Come on—loosen up NBA!


7.  I don’t understand the show LOST. I’ve watched for three seasons and some change now and I still have no fucking idea what’s going on. Sorry for cursing but it’s really confusing.

The show throws more curveballs at you every week that you can literally go crazy trying to come up with theories about what’s going on. The last scene of last week’s episode is so mind blowing that you sat there with your mouth on the floor like you just saw an alien walk into your living room. Without giving it away, I just don’t understand how those two could be on the same side. Ridics.

8. I don’t understand NASCAR. 200 laps of nonsense when really the only laps that matter are like the last five. Maybe just the last one to be honest.

Mostly everyone that starts the race is in the same pack of cars heading into the last lap so whoever wins that lap wins the whole damn thing. Seems like the first four hours were a waste. Then to have the Daytona, the Super Bowl of races, the first race of the year is confusing too. Whatever. Millions of people watch it and I still don’t get the appeal.

9.  I don’t understand Kayne West. I like his music but can’t stand when he opens his mouth at these awards shows. He’s the biggest self-promoting asshole on TV. Just stick to rapping Mr. Golddigger. I dislike the guy more and more every time I hear him speak. I don’t think I’m alone either and I think he’s ruining his image a bit.


10. I don’t understand Kelvin Sampson and Indiana University. We haven’t said anything about this and it probably should be covered.

Last week, Indiana was slapped with five major violations that involved head coach Kelvin Sampson. Sampson is a slimeball. Thought I’d get that out of the way.

Out of the five major violations the phone call violation is the main point. From 2000-2006 Sampson made 577 impermissible calls, which is a ridiculous amount. Sampson was put on probation but Indiana still hired him.

After Indiana hired him, he made 100 more impermissible calls. So, little boy Kelvin didn’t learn his lesson and now he’s screwed. Indiana U is to blame too because they knew all of this prior to hiring him but hired him anyways. You hire a guy with a deep history of shadiness you deserve some of the blame when that shadiness continues.

Sampson is on a game-by-game basis before he gets canned and once that happens his college coaching career is over. I hope it was worth it you idiot.

He’ll probably end up as an assistant coach in the NBA making good money so I’m not going to feel bad for him.

I heard another intriguing point on the radio driving home today that I haven’t heard anywhere else. The ex-Georgetown coach John Thompson (the Dad) was being interviewed and said some of the blame needs to be put on the kids for improper recruiting. This is a very interesting point and it sparked full phone lines on the show.

Thompson, who is very respected, said that with the resources kids have that they should be held accountable for knowing if something shady is going on. And that kids are let off too easy these days. Kids are always innocent was his point.

To an extent, I agree with him. Sampson is the professional and the adult here that deserves plenty of the blame but don’t tell me the kids don’t know how to work the system also. It’s a sticky situation but I thought it was decent point by Thompson that I’ve not heard anywhere else. If you have any thoughts on this, please comment.

Out,
Fuzz