Arkansas Razorbacks Football: Wally Watch for Dec. 28, 2008

Wally Watch: Where we read Wally Hall so you don’t have to.

Dec. 28, 2008: Bowl experiences have been ride to remember.

Primary Theme: Wally feels a little out of sorts with no Razorback bowl game to cover and thus reflects on his past bowl game travels.

Are You Sure You’ve Been Covering Razorback Bowl Games?: “I’ve seen great games, heartbreaking losses, and players mostly having a great experience.”

We Think We Know What He Means, But Still: “...so we took off to see the oldest continuous city in the United States, St. Augustine....” Continuous city?

Please God, Make This Happen: “Yet, if I were to write my memoirs....” We here at Razorback Expats are now commencing nightly prayer sessions in an attempt to make a Wally Hall autobiography a reality. That book would just be too much fun. We might even sacrifice a chicken or two to further curry favor with the publishing gods.

It’s Moments Like This That Make You Wonder If It’s All Worthwhile: We don’t know if we’ve ever felt more compassion for a human being than we do for the limo driver that Wally says drove him and his buddies around town a few days before the 1981 Gator Bowl.

Picture this man’s plight: He’s driving what we have to assume is an intoxicated Wally and his friends, who are pelting his eardrums with performance after performance of “I Hear Little Rock Calling.” That’s bad enough, but it gets worse.

Wally and crew treat the poor fella as if he’s a fraternity pledge, repeatedly telling him that they are staying at a certain hotel, only to inform him that they are staying at a different hotel when he delivers them to the requested spot.

Such a hellacious evening—we still can’t get over how truly horrifying that sounds—must have made the driver wonder if life was indeed worth living. We would certainly understand if his answer at that point was “no.”

Analysis: A classic Wally travelogue piece. The only thing missing is a description of any and all visits to local Mexican restaurants.