WWE's 15 Absolute Worst Matches in Company History
The WWE has given us plenty of classic matches, from Shawn Michaels vs. The Undertaker at WrestleMania 25 to Bret Hart vs. "Stone Cold" Steve Austin at WrestleMania 13.
But for every five-star bout, there have been about a thousand stinkers, those matches that you see and can't really wrap your mind around.
The reasons why these matches suck so badly almost always differ. Some feature ridiculous gimmick match concepts, some feature two guys who simply can't wrestle and others hardly even quality as wrestling.
The common link between all of them, however, is that they're flat-out awful.
Here are the 15 worst matches in the history of the WWF/E.
15. Yokozuna vs. Mabel (In Your House 4, 1995)
This is like Vince McMahon's dream matchup: Two larger-than-life behemoths who combined weigh about half a ton.
Too bad Yokozuna and Mabel couldn't put a decent match together.
This bout consisted almost entirely of clotheslines, missed moves and punches, lasted only about four or five minutes and ended with a double count out. Post-match, Yokozuna and Mabel then celebrated in the ring together like they were best friends.
Talk about a bad combination.
I'm not sure I'll ever understand Vince's fascination with putting two huge guys in the ring together. It almost never winds up being any good.
14. Al Snow and Head vs. Too Much (King of the Ring, 1998)
Good lord, what the hell was this?
I remember watching the WWF back in the day when Al Snow treated his mannequin head, known simply as "Head," like it was an actual person, but actually having Head as Snow's tag team partner was a bit too much for me.
It was only made worse by the fact that Snow's opponents were "Too Much" (Brian Christopher and Scott Taylor), who incorporated their over-the-top dance moves into the match. Not to mention, Jerry Lawler served as the special guest referee and was obviously favoring Too Much.
All in all, this bout actually featured some halfway decent wrestling, but that couldn't save it from being a total train wreck.
13. Intercontinental Title: Goldust vs. Ultimate Warrior (In Your House, 1996)
Man, I'm not even sure what was going on in this match.
After about 10 minutes of avoiding the Ultimate Warrior, Goldust finally made his way into the ring, only to get a clothesline from Warrior, leave the ring and get counted out.
Goldust saved his Intercontinental Championship, but he didn't save this bout from being a complete disaster.
If you were somehow able to sit through the entire video, then you probably noticed that it featured more cigar smoking than actually wrestling.
I'm still amazed by the fact that the crowd was actually hot throughout it. That's crazier than the Ultimate Warrior himself.
12. Trish Stratus and Bradshaw vs. Jackie Gayda and Chris Nowinski (Raw, 2002)
This was a mixed tag team match and a mixed bag of atrociousness.
Bradshaw and Chris Nowinski didn't perform too badly, but they brawled and left the arena, leaving Trish Stratus to try to carry Jackie Gayda to a watchable match.
Trish may be the best Diva ever, but I don't think the Lord himself could have made Jackie put on a match that didn't look like complete and utter crap.
Not surprisingly, the Wrestling Observer Newsletter named this the "Worst Worked Match of the Year" in 2002.
11. Kennel from Hell Match: Al Snow vs. Big Boss Man (Unforgiven 1999)
The WWE has come up with countless wacky gimmick match concepts in the past, from a number of "________ on a Pole" matches to the Hog Pen match to the Boiler Room Brawl.
But by far the worst gimmick match of all time was the Kennel from Hell match.
Thankfully, it only happened once in 1999 between Al Snow and Big Boss Man because it was highlighted by incredibly chill dogs peeing all over the place and humping each other while the wrestlers involved had to avoid stepping in dog crap.
Who came up with this concept and honestly thought it would be a good idea? Someone who loves dogs, I suppose.
10. Eric Bischoff vs. Teddy Long (Survivor Series 2005)
Just look at the names involved, and you can see why this match wasn't any good.
Both Eric Bischoff and Teddy Long were authority figures in the WWE rather than, you know, actual professional wrestlers, but they got a match a big pay-per-view like Survivor Series.
And it was beyond terrible.
I don't understand how two guys can be around the wrestling business so much, yet fail to grasp the simplest of concepts such as a headlock, a punch or a kick.
Bischoff and Long looked completely lost out there, and the already odd match was made even weirder when, of all people, The Boogeyman made a surprise appearance.
I feel bad for anyone who had to sit through that bout in person...
9. Kelly Kelly vs. Layla (ECW, November 2007)
If you think the Divas division sucks now, you ain't seen nothing yet.
In 2007, Kelly Kelly wrestled Layla on an episode of ECW just a year after Layla had won the Divas search and when K2 was only 20 years old.
Needless to say, neither Diva had much experience under her belt. And it showed.
The match consisted almost entirely of punches and kicks, if that's what you want to call them, and ended when Layla hit Kelly Kelly with (wait for it) a body slam.
It was a true wrestling classic.
8. The Bushwhackers vs. Fabulous Rougeau Brothers (Wrestlemania V)
At one point early on in this match, Jesse Ventura says, "I have yet to see a wrestling hold in this match."
I was thinking the same thing, but I also would have added that I had yet to see anything that even remotely resembled professional wrestling in this bout.
Seriously, the Bushwhackers did their famous goofy walk, and the Rougeau Brothers hit a few moves. But that was about the extent of this match.
Combine the shortness of it with some horrendous no-selling, horrible bumping and a terrible ending, and you have a classic stinker that shouldn't have aired on TV, much less a show like WrestleMania.
7. Hornswoggle vs. Swagger Soaring Eagle (Smackdown 2010)
A midget leprechaun defeated Jack Swagger's soaring eagle mascot.
Need I say more?
6. Junkyard Dog vs. Moondog Spot (The Wrestling Classic, 1985)
This match gets a big LOL from me.
Let me break it down for you: Moondog Spot hits the Junkyard Dog with several punches and then misses a top rope splash, JYD hits Spot with a few abysmal head butts and then gets the pin for the victory.
Oh, by the way, there was no referee in this match, so JYD simply took it upon himself to count the pin, which was apparently allowed back then.
Random fact: From start to finish, this match lasted a whopping 43 seconds. Wow.
5. World Heavyweight Title: Triple H vs. Scott Steiner (Royal Rumble 2003)
While all matches on this list were bad, most of them did us all a favor and at least kept it relatively short.
But Triple H and Scott Steiner didn't give us that luxury.
As if Steiner's promos during this feud weren't bad enough, he and Triple H got more than 18 minutes from a match that was brutal in and of itself but was made even worse when ended with Triple H getting disqualified.
The Wrestling Observer Newsletter's "Worst Worked Match of the Year" for 2003 is proof positive why "Big Poppa Pump" and main-event matches don't mix.
4. Mini-Lawlers vs. Mini-Doinks (WWF Action Zone, 1994)
Jerry Lawler and his team of Mini-Lawlers vs. Doink the Clown as his team of Mini-Doinks? At a "Big Four" pay-per-view like Survivor Series?
You've gotta be kidding me.
But two mini-Lawlers vs. two mini-Doinks in tag team action? This was probably even worse.
The equivalent of that today would be watching two Hornswoggles take on two mini-Michael Coles. Damnit, I hope I didn't just give the creative team an idea.
3. Hardcore Evening Gown Match: Pat Patterson vs. Gerald Brisco (KOTR, 2000)
When I think about it, I still can't even fathom how this match ever came to fruition.
You've got two Hall of Famers, Pat Patterson and Gerald Brisco (who were 59 and 55, respectively, at the time), competing in a Hardcore match...while wearing evening gowns.
For comedic purposes, it was pure gold. But for wrestling purposes, it was pure terribleness.
Highlights of the match included Patterson shoving a banana and a maxi-pad down Brisco's throat, as well as Brisco hitting a bronco buster.
The crowd chanted "Boring!" during this match, but I think "WTF?!" would have been more appropriate.
2. "Rosie O'Donnell" vs. "Donald Trump" (January 2007)
Oh. My. God.
What in the world was this?
When Donald Trump and Rosie O'Donnell were having a bit of a real-life feud back in 2007, Vince McMahon made the decision to have "Trump" and "O'Donnell" face each other on an episode of Monday Night Raw.
The actors who played Trump and O'Donnell looked, talked and acted nothing like them, they hit about five total moves during the match and they had the crowd breakout in a huge "Boring!" chant.
Of all the WWE's epic comedy attempt fails, this might be at the very top of the list.
Brutal. Just brutal.
1. Kaitlyn vs. Maxine (NXT 2010)
Aside from a few Divas like Beth Phoenix and Natalya, most of the women on the WWE's main roster struggle to put on a good match.
So, what did the WWE think was going to happen when it put a bunch of inexperienced female wrestlers on NXT?
For once, I actually agree with something that Michael Cole says,"We've sat through a lot of bad stuff on this show, but this may be the single worst segment of this show that I've ever been a part of."
The same goes for me, Cole.
While I applaud Kaitlyn and Maxine for at least trying, nothing about this match was any good: the punches, the kicks, the moves, the holds, the pin attempts, the finish, nothing.
It was one of the rare times when I found myself squirming because I actually felt embarrassed for both of those girls.