I'd Rather Get Beat Up in an Alley- Lucky

There I was, a grown ass man, on my knees two feet from the television.  It’s been a long time since I’ve been in this position, maybe twenty years.  It’s funny how desperation can drive a person all the way to the fetal position. 

Jets paraphernalia lay strewn about the room; anything I could throw had already been chucked in a violent manner.  My Patriots fan roommate was already warming up his gloating voice.  My girlfriend was wearing a Jets Santa hat to humor me.  I’m not proud of this moment.  I was on my knees and I wasn’t even alone.

Favre couldn’t complete a pass in the fourth quarter, we went three-and-out from our own f%#@ing endzone, our defense couldn’t tackle Lynch if world peace depended on it, and we were down by four. 

Dead in the water—that’s what I thought.  An entire season of almost heart attacks, huge victories, pathetic defeats, and nonsensical coaching was about to come to an end.  That’s when the ball finally bounced our way.  I’m still not sure I really saw Abram Elam sack JP “what am I doing running with ball at this point in the game” Losman and knock the ball loose.  I remember yelling at Bryan Thomas to pick up the ball but he couldn’t get a handle.

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Hope : INTRANSITIVE VERB 1: to cherish a desire with  2: to expect with confidence NOUN 2: a: desire accompanied by expectation of or belief in fulfillment hopes of seeing you> ; b: someone or something on which hopes are centered hope for victory> c: something hoped for

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Hope, for a few brief seconds, came down to earth physically incarnated in the form of a football.  Hope bounced around in the Bill’s backfield and still was anybody’s ball.  Hope also almost caused me to shatter my television.  That’s when The Chronic swooped in, grabbed hope and stumbled his way into the endzone for a game winning, season saving touchdown. ARE YOU KIDDIN' ME?!!!?

The Football Gods looked down at the Jets, their favorite toy, and knew they must have crossed the line this time.  The Bill’s field goal—the one kicked wide right that somehow defied the laws of physics twice—I think that’s when the Power’s That Be actually went too far and forced themselves to become Jets fans. 

Maybe it was the threat of all the Jersey’s that were about to be burned… maybe such an enormous toxic expulsion into the atmosphere would have finished off the ozone layer.  If you’ve got a better explanation I’d love to hear it.  Nothing about that play makes any sense.  Dick Juaron made Mangini look like a smart person.

Plaxico shoots himself and the Giants lose.  Sean Ellis smokes some pot and then saves Mangini’s job, Favre’s career, and my television.  There’s a lesson somewhere here kids but I can’t articulate it.  Everything’s just a bit too uhh… hazy at the moment.

So luck finally was on our side.  I want to spew venomous sentences about how we shouldn’t need luck to beat the Bills. That’s the wrong track here Jets fans.  The right one goes something like this…

It’s about time.