Utes vs. Bruins Game Prediction Using the Environmentalist Wacko Method

Predicting football games by breaking down players, stats, win to loss ratios is the standard way that the odds makers, media, and pundits analyze games, winners, and losers. This method is over used and overrated. So this week I am using another way adopted from NFL fan and radio talk show guru Rush Limbaugh.

Limbaugh used to use the "Environmentalist Wacko Method" to predict NFL games on his show each Friday. Giving credit to Mr. Limbaugh for the genius behind the method, I would like to borrow it to predict the UCLA at Utah game this Saturday.

First the University of California, Los Angeles is a liberal university from the Left Coast. The mascot of UCLA is a Bruin, or a Bear. The University of Utah though liberal, is tempered by the conservative Mormon culture.

Utah's mascot is the Ute, a Native American tribe of the Utah region.

When going with brute strength the Bear can easily kill a human being, which a Ute is. However, the Ute, being human has the bigger brain, and thus is smarter than the Bruin. The Ute can use tool making skills to fashion weapons to take down the much stronger Bruin.

However, hunting Bruins these days is very unpopular with the "save the bear" types. Black bears, brown bears, grizzly or polar, there are those who say they are going to go extinct, if we the humans don't save them. Thus, using this analogy the Utes should just use natural methods against the Bruins with no weaponry, only their brains.

But Bears are not protected species in a football game. Native Americans are protected by the NCAA, even against the will of tribes and schools. Just ask North Dakota State "Fighting Sioux" and the Sioux tribe.

Therefore the Bruins being an unprotected species under the Endangered Species Act in NCAA Football and the Utes being a politically correct "protected people" under NCAA policy, using the "Environmentalist Wacko Theory" the Utes should beat the Bruins because it is not politically correct to harm Native American mascots approved for use by schools sanctioned to do so by the NCAA, which a Bear could do in any other open venue.

Utes 35, Bruins 21