The Good, the Bad and the Ugly: Top 10 NHL Mustaches (Post-Lockout)

The duster, lip tickler, flavour savour, lip luggage, soup strainer, lip spinach, upper lip plumage, misplaced eyebrow, face fungus, the 'stache, grass grin, nose neighbour...

Call it what you will, the mustache has found a special place in NHL history and in professional sports in general.

In the spirit of the "Movember," a charity that supports prostate cancer initiatives, let's look at the 10 best, worst and dirtiest NHL mustaches in recent memory that have continued to honour this time-tested NHL tradition.  

Marc-Andre Fleury

Before we get into the bona fide dirt squirrels, let's first take a look at the Pittsburgh Penguins Marc-Andre Fleury cira May 18, 2008.

This picture is acknowledging Fleury's ability to time travel back to the Renaissance era to channel the likes of Porthos, one of the three Musketeers.

Tomas Kaberle

Tomas Kaberle's attempt at a mustache while he was a member of the Boston Bruins was downright despicable. His facial hair was so offensive it may literally be why civilized men would slap other men in the face with a white glove before a duel.

On the plus side for Kaberle, the 'stache seems to give him the ability to glide over short distances, as this slide clearly illustrates.

Sidney Crosby

All for one and one for all! Is that the Pittsburgh Penguins' new motto?

Hey, Sidney Crosby, d'Artagnan called—he wants his mustache back! 

If you look closely enough, you can see that it may actually be drawn on with a magic marker. Good try, Sid.

Daniel Carcillo

Daniel Carcillo of the Chicago Blackhawks had a 'stache so dirty, every NHL enforcer he played against literally tried to punch it off his face.

Adding insult to injury, it had that panging quality that screamed "na-na-na-boo-boo," begging you to try.

Ian White

Ian White should have a special place in all our hearts, as he rocked this sucker simply for its aesthetic value when he was a Toronto Maple Leaf. 

Little did we know, all White has to do is wiggle his nose neighbour and he is instantly transported to a new NHL team, ala I Dream of Genie! Incredible!

Teemu Selanne

Teemu Selanne, you sly dog you, saving those soft hands for goal scoring while some other wisenheimer does all the dirty work!

Selanne of the Anaheim Ducks is most definitely a prolific scorer, but I don't think he gets enough credit for the cahonies he must have under all of that hockey equipment. Not only is he brave enough to rock a mustache, he gets other dudes to shave his face for him! 

Hey, Teemu, haven't you seen Sweeney Todd?!?

Shave and a meat pie, two bits!

Cal Clutterbuck

Cal Clutterbuck...wow. On behalf of everyone looking at this picture right now, including your teammates on the Minnesota Wild, thank you for joining us all the way from a black and white silent film made in 1918.

Although the technology of the 21st century may seem alarming to you, Cal, I take great satisfaction in knowing the chances of you being able to obtain a computer and utilize the software necessary to navigate your way here, to then read and understand that I'm making fun of you right now so that you can defend yourself, are incredibly slim.

Please give my regards to Charlie Chaplin upon your return.

Olli Jokinen

Dear Olli Jokinen of the Calgary Flames,

I am writing to tell you that, regretfully, I can no longer keep your secret that you are the love child of Mats Sundin and Hulk Hogan. 

Sincerely,

Steve

George Parros

Ron Burgundy, is that you?!?

George Parros' lip rug had its own heart beat. The Anaheim Ducks' brawny bad boy apparently nurtured his fuzzy friend by singing nursery rhymes to it at bedtime and feeding it glasses of warm milk and scotch.

Mike Brown

Mike Brown, your mustache reigned supreme and will go down as perhaps the greatest Toronto Maple Leafs crumb catcher of all time.

My only explanation for its girth is that it was made up of smaller micro mustaches, which form a nucleus, of which comprises the whole...

Rumour has it that he won the 'stache off a gunslinger who went in over his head in a game of Texas Hold 'Em. The truth is that Brown lost the game but ordered the mustache to live on his face anyway—it complied immediately.