Breaking News: Top Rank Attacks Golden Boy with Pacquiao Nukes!

With Top Rank country launching a nuclear first strike on the land of the Golden Boy last December 6, 2008, the entire Planet of the Sweet Science is nervously awaiting a counterattack that could spell the demise of the whole human fist-fighting race.

However, sketchy reports from the Golden Boy Palace indicated that its leader, a man named Oscar De La Hoya, had suffered a serious physical injury as a result of the fallout from the surprise nuclear attack. Among the injuries suffered by De La Hoya were a swollen cheek, a sore left arm, and a bruised ego. De La Hoya was already released from the hospital and is now planning a counterattack early next year.

Initial reports from a reliable source inside the Top Rank camp revealed that the nuclear strike, named “Operation Dream Match” was launched to decapitate the current leader of the Golden Boys and prevent the latter from stealing Top Rank’s natural resources. The name of the nuclear bomb was said to be “Manny Pacquiao,” or “Pacman” as Top Rankers dub it. The bomb was designed by a mad scientist named Freddie Roach.

According to Bob Arum, the leader of Top Rank, the Pacquiao nuke was launched at around 10 PM EST and landed smack on Golden Boy’s palace nearly 30 minutes later. He refused to say how many were killed in the surprise attack, but said that some of the Golden Boy’s leaders injured in the attack include the Golden Boy himself, his top general Richard Shaeffer, the prime minister Nacho Beristain and speaker of the house Bernard Hopkins.

Arum said that the Pacquiao nuclear attack was retaliation for Golden Boy’s sneak attack on Top Rank’s military headquarters last October 18. The perpetrator, Bernard Hopkins, initiated the incident by strafing Top Rank’s general Kelly Pavlik with machine gun fire.

However, history has shown that the Top Rank – Golden Boy war started a few years earlier, when De La Hoya launched a rebellion against Top Rank and managed to grab a piece of precious real estate as well as natural resources. Since then, both countries have been quietly stockpiling nuclear arms in a bid to wrest ultimate control of the Planet of the Sweet Science.

Meanwhile, Oscar De La Hoya, the biggest victim of the Pacquiao sneak attack, has vowed revenge on Arum and Top Rank. “That Pacquiao attack is nasty,” the hurting De La Hoya said. “My pretty face might be bruised and battered but I can still pull the trigger.”

The Golden Boys are now in the thick of preparation in preparing their nuclear arsenal for a retaliatory strike on Top Rank. Sources said that the Golden Boy attack will be on January 24, 2009, with a huge arsenal of Shane Mosley bombs going up against the Antonio Margarito missile defense shield.