IMPACT 10/13: Hulk/Sting Contract, New Knockout, Final Show Before BFG (Humor)

Charlie GOct 14, 2011

Hi.

Yes, that's my big opening statement. Well, you're here for one thing. An IMPACT Wrestling re-cap and review. While you're going to have to wait a few lines and sentence, hold on.

Any weekly reader should now about my #TwitterQuest. If you don't, too bad. Read past reviews I'm running out of time here.

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It's been another week but I only have one more person off the list. Hey, it's progress.

I managed to cross off Don West, Eric Young, Robbie E, Douglas Williams and Gunner. I tried Magnus and Samoa Joe, but I guess they don't like people or fan interaction. Hey Joe and Magnus, take a 5 Hour Energy and maybe some anti-depressants to get through the day and maybe retweet my articles which are, oh yeah, about you!

Twitter got a little crazy this past week and Al Snow went insane with retweets and replies. People were saying "if you retweet me I'd ____" fill in the blank. Many things people said, can not be repeated here. People are dirty and I'm one of them.

My dirty, non-PG mind got Al Snow to retweet me twice and even reply to me twice. #Awesome.

News: Murphy, Okada, Sangriento and Suicide were all removed from the IMPACT roster page. Good thing I only really liked the Suicide character.

Time to really start!

They're Here!

Hogan and Sting are shown arriving earlier...arriving to the place of "Hard Knox" in Knoxville, Tennessee!

Opening Segment

Kurt Angle comes out to call out Bobby Roode.

Angle gives Roode credit for all he has done. Win the BFG Series, beat the Fortune gauntlet, survive as a tag team for four plus years. Okay, that last one was just me.

Angle says he's no Kazarian or AJ Styles. Angle says he's the best wrestler in the world and Roode will not and cannot beat him.

Roode gives Angle credit but says it takes heart to be champion.

Roode wants to see who has the bigger heart at BFG. He asks Kurt for a good clean match. No Immortal, no Fortune, no catch. Angle actually agrees.

Angle starts to walk out but tells Roode that he has a handicap match against Jeff Jarrett and Gunner.

FIGHT!

AJ, RVD, Jerry Lynn and Daniels are all backstage brawling.

Commercial.

Daniels and Lynn drag AJ to the ring, toss him in and we have a match.

AJ Styles & RVD vs. Daniels & Jerry Lynn

The match started without RVD in the ring and the heels beating down AJ.

RVD came in to turn the tide in a few short minutes.

After a lot of good back and forth tag team action and a few good spots courtesy of the "Phenomenal One," AJ and RVD got the win.

AJ grabbed Daniels in a Styles Clash but Daniels reversed it, pushed Lynn towards AJ and ran outside the ring. AJ hit a Pele on Lynn then set up for a Styles Clash. Daniels was going to jump in to stop AJ, but got scared as AJ stared him down.

Daniels started up the ramp as AJ hit the Clash for the three.

Winners: AJ Styles & Rob Van Dam

Daniels ditched Lynn but kept saying AJ didn't beat him.

Samoa Joe vs. Matt Morgan

Joe and Morgan went back and forth. Exchanging a lot during the match.

Joe had Morgan in the corner and hit a CM Punk-like running knee to the face, and set up for a Muscle Buster. Morgan fought it off and jumped off the ropes and over Joe.

Morgan got Joe in a roll up and that's it.

Winner: Matt Morgan

Good match between both of the guys...again.

Joe attacked Morgan after the match and targeted his knee. Joe beat on Morgan until Crimson came and made the save.

Joe grabbed a mic and said Morgan and Crimson are scared to fight each other so instead they team up on him. Joe calls himself the, "Alpha Ass-kicker."

Awfully close to the "Alpha Male" nickname that belongs to a former wrestler this review knows and loves. "Pounce! AHHHHH!"

Joe offers a triple threat match for Bound For Glory. That makes it nine matches for the show. Nine.

"Hello my name is..."

Tag Team Champions, Mexican America are in the ring.

Hernandez says he'll make Ink Inc iron his socks and hold his pockets. Seriously. I can't make this stuff up.

Random Guy: "I kicked your ass, now iron my socks!"

Me: ?

Ink Inc comes out with a hot iron. Not really, but they do come out. Neal and Moore have insanely long (tall?) mohawks.

Jesse asks Anarquia to show everyone his new tattoo that they gave him. Anarquia's shy...

Neal and Moore manage to anger Mexican America and then get their asses kicked in a brawl. Hernandez holds down Jesse Neal as Sarita and Rosita b*tch slap him.

This mystery woman with an even bigger mohawk than Neal or Moore comes out and takes out Sarita and Rosita.

Her hair is like four giant, green, unicorn spikes. She hits some clotheslines and spears all without messing up her hair. What hair gel does she use?

Ink Inc beat Mexican America out of the ring and Neal tells them to bring all the girls they have because they've got theirs.

This new Knockout is actually Jesse Neal's soon-to-be wife. Cool.

Brian Kendrick & Jesse Sorensen vs. Kid Kash & X Division Champion, Austin Aries

Tazz announces that everyone's favorite X Division wrestler, Austin Aries, says that real men wear pink. I need to get some pink clothes!

Aries and Kash wait on the ramp to discuss their plan or maybe a war call they'll do. Never see that happen.

Just then, Kendrick and Soresen launch themselves through the ropes and down onto the enemy.

Leave it to Brian Kendrick to not wear shoes for the match. That bothers me.

Sorensen starts the match off with Kash and is on fire. Really impressive to start.

The heels take control after a while and Sorensen is the punching bag. Eventually, he makes the hot tag to Kendrick. Oh, boy. See how excited I got?

After a while, Kendrick hits Aries with a Sliced Bread for the win.

Winners: Brian Kendrick & Jesse Sorensen

I'd have to say, this was my favorite match of the night. Good X Division action. Maybe Kendrick winning on IMPACT means Aries will win at BFG!

Let the Pigeons Loose!

Karen Jarrett wants the Knockouts who are in the BFG title match in the ring.

Velvet lets the pigeons loose, Mickie does "Hardcore Country", Winter is the champ and Madison comes arm in arm with Karen.

Karen calls out all the Knockouts (except Madison) but mainly directs her attention to Velvet. She bashes Velvet and her fans. Karen call her fans losers. I'm not too big a fan of Velvet so I'm no loser.

Velvet says someday Karen will respect her. Maybe after BFG when she becomes champion! Karen says "over my dead body"; interesting.

Traci Brooks gets on her hands and knees behind Karen. Traci and Velvet hit Karen with a good ol' fashion table top.

Knockouts brawl after the table top as Karen and Traci leave. Security comes and Karen tells Traci she'll be scrubbing toilets her whole life now!

Mr. Anderson vs. Scott Steiner w/ Bully Ray as Special Enforcer

Steiner dominates much of the match and he still got 'it'. He tosses Anderson around and Bully Ray mocks Ken Anderson.

Anderson fights back but Abyss comes out with a chain. Steiner holds Anderson and Abyss goes to hit him with the chain, in front of the ref, but Anderson moves and Steiner is knocked out.

Anderson tosses Abyss out off the ring and wins.

Winner: Mr. Anderson........Anderson!

Anderson leaves and Immortal comes out to yell at Abyss for screwing up again. After being pushed around and yelled at, Abyss grabs Bully Ray by the throat but Immortal stops him.

Immortal kicks Abyss' ass and Bully Ray gets a table.

Anderson returns to try to help. Try. Anderson fights off Immortal for a good five seconds, but the numbers catch up.

Anderson is driven through the table ass-first via Bubba Bomb by IMPACT Wrestling's bully.

Phenomenal Beatdown

AJ is in the parking lot trash talking Daniels. Daniels attacks AJ and leaves him knocked out in the parking lot.

Bobby Roode vs. Gunner & Jeff Jarrett

Roode holds his own in this handicap match.

Angle called it Roode's final test before BFG.

Roode grabbed Jarrett in a cross face but Gunner ran in and Roode noticed, reversed his clothesline attempt into a cross face and made Gunner tap in the end.

Jarrett went for a post match attack but Roode fought him off again until the rest of Immortal came out. James Storm tried to make the save, but Immortal was too much.

After a while, Jeff Hardy's music hits (Not "Another Me" but "Modest." His face theme. I like his heel theme way better) and clears the ring.

Jeff offers a hand shake to Roode who accepts after some hesitation. Hardy tries to leave but Storm keeps blocking his path. Both Beer Money members grab Hardy, pull him to the center of the ring and raise their arms. They're all good.

Jeff Hardy/Jarrett

Backstage, Jeff Hardy is talking with the camera guy when Jarrett shows up.

He says he and Hardy used to be friends but no more. Are they friends because they have the same first name? That's why I'm friends with Charlie Sheen. Winning.

Jarrett wants Hardy nowhere near IMPACT and tells him not to bother showing up for BFG.

Hardy starts to walk away and Jarrett asks him where he's going and Jeff says to buy a ticket for BFG.

Contract Signing

The table is set up in a strange way so that Hulk and Sting and not sitting across from each other but more-so next to each other. Only thing separating them is "JB", Jeremy Borash.

JB asks Hogan to sign first but Hulk slides the contract down the table to Sting.

Sting signs and passes it back.

Hogan skims through the papers and signs. JB asks for any last words and Hogan stands up and flips the table over.

Sting asks Hogan for a good clean fight which Hogan actually agrees to! Then Bischoff comes out. He says if there's any of Sting left after Hogan kicks his ass at BFG, he wants to kick his ass.

Hogan swings for the fences with a chair and starts laying in some decent looking punches. Not bad, Hulk.

Overall, this episode of IMPACT was pretty good. The go-home show before Bound For Glory. Looking forward to the pay-per-view, and message to anyone attending BFG live: I'm jealous.

Pros: