Sixers Have 76 Problems, but Being Rich Ain't One

Hit me!

With the most impressive offseason trades and maneuvers of any team in the NBA, the Philadelphia 76ers were expected to be contenders in the Eastern Conference. So far that has not happened, as they are 8-11.

Blame can be placed in a number of areas. Therefore I have concocted a list of 76 problems for this team. Certainly the wealth of the players is not on the list.

1. Andre Iguodala is being paid $80 million. Seriously?

2. Iguodala is being paid over $13 million a year, and is averaging just 13 points a game. Basically he’s making a million dollars for every point he averages. Sad.

3. Elton Brand received $80 million as well.

4. $80 million has resulted in a big man who has been a 45 percent shooter.

5. ATTENDANCE.

6. Lou Williams is a $25 million scrub. It is looking like he will never be able to handle the starting point guard duties.

7. Thaddeus Young might not be the next Michael Jordan. Just the next Kobe Bryant. (You know, minus the rape thing.)

8. Lou Williams is selfish.

9. There is not one great nickname for a player on the team. Sorry, "The Haitian Sensation" isn't cutting it for me.

10. They do not have the same style as last year. Running has been cut down, and half court has only marginally improved.

11. They shoot only 73.5 percent from the line, which is third worst in the league.

12. The Knicks are ahead of them in the standings. (That was painful to type.)

13. Andre Miller has some severely broken ankles. (You Tube that shit.)

14. After making an effort to improve three-point shooting, the Sixers are still in the bottom quarter of the league, connecting only 33 percent of the time.

15. Really, I'm worried about Miller's broken ankles.

16. We can't see Jason Smith in action for another year. It would have been nice to see how he complimented Brand.

17. Mo Cheeks may not be the guy that can lead the team to a championship.

18. Mo Cheeks' rotations are a bit questionable.

19. Mo Cheeks struggles with decisions late in games. I'll stop the bashing now.

20. The 76ers rank last in the league in attendance in terms of capacity of the arena.

21. No more Allen Iverson. (Weeping.)

22. No more Kevin Ollie. (Kidding.)

23. No more Chris Webber. (Again, just kidding.)

24. Even in the seventh year of his career, Samuel Dalembert still has the basketball IQ of a fourth grader.

25. Too many turnovers; over 16 times a game.

26. Sammy D thinks he is an All-Star. Sammy D is wrong.

27. Thaddeus Young can't...nah, not going to bash my boy.

28. Financially tied. They will miss out on the LeBron sweepstakes. Yeah, they'll be just about the only team in the league not in contention.

29. Phillies win the World Series!

30. Wait?

31. That's the best thing that has ever happened!

32. Last place in the division is not what fans expected.

33. Theo Ratliff is not the same Theo. (Duh.)

34. The chemistry is not there right now.

35. They have trouble defending the three.

36. Mareesee Speights? Even the name is hard to spell.

37. Ed Stefanski is not a complete and utter genius. (It was news to me.)

38. They face a tough decision about whether or not to keep Andre Miller. Should they extend him? Should they try to trade him and get something in return? Should they let him walk in free agency?

39. Defensive rotations are iffy at times.

40. We have barely seen Donyell Marshall. Marshall has appeared in only three games, although we could have used his three-point shooting.

41. Lou Williams is selfish.

42. I'm hungry.

43. Thaddeus Young can't...never going to happen.

44. Willie Green is a fraud.

45. We have known Willie Green is a fraud forever, yet nothing has been done.

46. Kareem Rush hasn't been the consistent shooter we had hoped for.

47. There have been no hints at any potential changes.

48. Announcer Bob Salmi never makes a new point.

49. Their lack of aggression or assertion at times. Basically, need to be more like the Celtics.

50. Despite his limited playing time, Royal Ivey is still only shooting 34 percent.

51. Elton Brand is no Moses Malone. What the hell were we thinking?

52. They gave up a 23-point lead to the Hawks.

53. No go-to guy in crunch time.

54. Andre Miller is not getting any younger.

55. There is a great chance that Ty Lawson will not be a Sixer next year. For this, I am pissed.

56. I miss Shavlik Randolph.

57. Team goes through awful in-game stretches. (Hey, welcome to the NBA!)

58. They were embarrassed by the Bobcats and Timberwolves. Wow!

59. Is the upcoming draft class any good?

60. Reggie Evans hasn't provided the same spark as last year.

61. Evans is being paid almost $5 million per year over the next three.

62. They stand around when Elton is double-teamed.

63. Biggest cheer at the game is when Jimmy Rollins is introduced to the crowd.

64. No more guys like George Lynch, Tyrone Hill, Dikembe Mutumbo, Eric Snow, and others from the 2000-2001 team.

65. I'm blanking.

66. They’re not a great passing team, just mediocre.

67. They are not the Phillies.

68. They cannot compete with the...

69. Celtics

70. Cavs

71. Magic

72. Oh yeah, Samuel Dalembert will be paid of $30 million over the next three years. That is what I call beautiful.

73. I'm stretching for more...

74. Still thinking...

75. Jay-Z added 23 more problems for his song.

76. Congratulations for reading all of this...or for being an expert skimmer.