College Football Gods Offer Advice

Dear College Football's best teams,

We here in Football Heaven would like to share with you an inkling of our vast wisdom concerning this year's college football season:

1. To the Alabama Crimson Tide - Your season is perfect, BUT take your time winning a national title, because as soon as you do your coach will take a job at Michigan or Notre Dame.

2. To the Oklahoma Sooners - You may have fooled the computers but in reality you should be ranked behind the team you lose to. You have no business being ahead of Texas.

3. To the Texas Longhorns - Who does 3rd in the Big 12 even play in a bowl game? Michigan State? Wow, the computers really got you good.

4. To the Florida Gators - regardless of who wins the SEC championship, please beat your Big 12 opponent. We can't stand another minute of Big 12 superiority garbage. Did you know YOUR conference has a vastly superior non-conference record to the Big 12? Of course you did, and everyone else will when you or Alabama pound your Big 12 opponent.

5. To the USC Spartans - Another one loss season that your fans consider a failure, but don't worry, you'll most likely win your bowl game, so long as Stanford and Oregon State miss out on at-large BCS bids.

6. To the Utah Utes - What are you even doing here? Do you really think beating a bunch of Mountain West teams earns you the No. 6 spot in the country? Or was it your two-point victory over Michigan that earned you this spot?

The following teams beat Michigan by more points than you: Notre Dame, Illinois, TOLEDO, Penn State, Michigan State, Purdue, Northwestern, and Ohio State. What's that? That wasn't your biggest game? Oregon State was?

Well then I guess the team that pounded them should be ahead of you, and the team that lost to them should be behind you? Why are the computers so stupid?

7. To the Texas Tech Red Raiders - We're not so sure what you can build out of hype, but apparently a No. 7 ranking is one of them. Let's be honest, no team should lose by 40 to anyone and still be in the top 15. You did beat Texas, something Oklahoma couldn't do and they get to play for the National Title... I bet that makes you guys angry.

8. To the Penn State Nittany Lions - You should spend less time pushing for a playoff and more time pushing for the BCS title to be played in Buffalo, NY every other year. Let's see how "slow and out-dated" your team is when those Nancy boys from Dixie have to play real football.

9. To the Boise State Broncos - We're sorry, Utah already got the ugly friend invite... if you haven't heard, they beat Michigan by two.

10. To the Ohio State Buckeyes - Three years ago Penn State beat Florida State in a BCS game and finished No. 3 in the country. The Big Ten was then widely regarded as underrated and Ohio State reaped the benefits by getting a chance to play for two straight national titles.

There is a very good chance that story will repeat itself almost exactly. So, chin up.