IMPACT 9/29: Hogan's Bombshell, 5-Man Ladder Match, Crimson's Back, (Humor)

Charlie GSep 30, 2011

It's the final IMPACT of the month. You know what that means. Yes, I will publish the Top 10 Contenders for the month of September before next week.

Bleacher Report readers, I have a new mission to accomplish. A new task or quest. I've realized it almost by accident, but the idea hit me harder than a Monty Brown Pounce (We're back, baby!).

I, @CGroenewegen88 (Twitter name), am trying to get a reply, re-tweet or any form of a reaction from every IMPACT wrestler that has a Twitter account.

TOP NEWS

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With Jayson Tatum sidelined, Celtics' fourth-quarter comeback falls short in Game 7 loss to 76ers

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You may think it's impossible, but it is not. These wrestlers are too "busy" to ever answer my tweets!

Have no fear readers. I have already started this process.

After I followed Don West, he sent me a private message thanking me for following him. Cool guy.

I mentioned Robbie E in an article about four reasons why he should win the Television title. Remember that article? It was a good one. Robbie re-tweeted and possibly read my article. My article! Robbie, my dude, if you're reading, happy birthday and keep that fist pumping!

His birthday is September 30, I think.

Current TV champion Eric Young was promoting an autograph signing of his and I, with no intention of attending, asked where it was—and he replied! He told me where it was going to be!

That's three down. A lot more to go. I have tried Shannon Moore, Jesse Neal, Madison Rayne, Douglas Williams, Magnus, Kurt Angle, Jeff and Karen Jarrett, The Pope, ODB and Matt Morgan. None of whom have responded.

So look out, IMPACT roster, I will annoy the hell out of you until I get a response. Yes, blocking me will count as a response.

If you readers want to follow me, don't get confused with my profile picture. It's Benson from Regular Show. Yes, he is a gumball machine, but aren't we all?

Opening Segment

Sting comes out sporting a Hulk Hogan t-shirt again. He asks Bobby Roode to come out and puts him over.

Sting says he'll [Roode] be the next world champion. He says that all Roode needs to do is stay focused. My dad walks by and says maybe Sting needs to focus on his face paint more. He doesn't get the whole "Joker" gimmick. Hell, he doesn't even watch wrestling, so shut up.

AJ Styles comes out and says the same thing. Kurt Angle comes and says AJ versus Roode is booked for later and if AJ wins, he'll be next in line for Kurt if Angle retains at BFG.

No. 1 Contenders 5-Man Ladder Match

Alex Shelley vs. Brian Kendrick vs. Jesse Sorensen vs. Kid Kash vs. Zema Ion

That's no typo. Zema Ion was finally on IMPACT! Yes! High-fives all around.

Kendrick surprisingly had little to no offense in this match. Kid Kash and/or Zema Ion dominated most of the action.

Every guy came in reach of the contract, but one guy always stopped them.

Kash was alone and started up the ladder. Kendrick drop kicked him off and started to climb. Shelley came in too late, and Kendrick won.

Winner: New No. 1 Contender, Brian Kendrick

Pretty good match, but I say wrong winner.

They should've given this one to either Shelley or Ion. Kendrick wasn't so over with the fans as compared to Ion and Shelley.

The Jarretts, Kazarian & Traci Brooks Promo

Backstage, Kazarian is talking to the cameras, then the Jarretts show up. Jeff wants to talk to Kazarian in the ring.

After commercials, Jarrett calls out Kazarian and Traci Brooks.

Jeff tosses eggs at them, calling out Kazarian as a failure. He mentions Kaz's jumping of ship years ago and never really being happy in TNA until recently.

Jeff bashes Traci, and Kazarian stands up for his woman. A brawl breaks out. Murphy is nowhere in sight (old security guard joke), and D'Lo and the troops break it up.

Gunner comes from behind and lays out Kazarian with his F5 finishing move.

Kazarian vs. Jeff Jarrett at BFG, Kazarian and Traci vs. the Jarretts at BFG, or Gunner vs. Kazarian at BFG? Which sounds best?

Jesse Neal vs. Hernandez

This match never happens because Ink Inc. gets attacked from behind by Mexican America.

Mexican America beats the hell out of Ink Inc., and the girls spray paint "MA" on the backs of both Neal and Moore. Two guys that are very difficult to communicate with via Twitter.

Mexican America stands over Ink Inc.

James Storm Addresses Bobby Roode's BFG Series Win

Now we're with "Cowboy" James Storm. Storm says everyone keeps asking about Roode winning the BFG Series. Storm says he's proud of Roode.

Another mention of Storm and Roode's big BFG Series win. Future heel turn, I'm predicting.

Backstage with Immortal's Head Honchos

Hulk Hogan has his bombshell announcement later, and apparently Ric Flair already knows what to expect and thinks it's stupid. He doesn't want Hulk to go through with it.

Queens' Qualifier

Madison Rayne vs. Tara

She's back! The Queen is back! All hail Madison Rayne!

I wrote that and mentioned her on Twitter. We'll see if she responds...

The match starts slow, and Madison keeps flirting with referee Earl Hebner. Every time Tara grabs Madison, Madison lightly hits Hebner, and Earl is convinced that Tara keeps hitting him.

After Madison keeps pumping Hebner, Earl finds out that Madison is just screwing with him and let's Tara go crazy.

The match quickly picks up the pace.

The ending saw Tara go for a Widow's Peak, but Madison reversed it into a roll-up and, with use of the ropes, won.

Winner: Madison Rayne

Some good Knockouts action, and one of my favorite Knockouts is back! Madison is going to Bound For Glory!

"There's Nothing Left To Watch"

Backstage, Daniels is going home. He's leaving.

The camera guys ask if he's going to watch AJ versus Roode later, and he says no. He says there's nothing to watch since he already beaten AJ. The camera guys say that AJ offered for a match at BFG. Daniels is sure he'll kick AJ's ass there, too.

I like this new, cocky, heel Daniels. It seems fitting.

Crimson's Back

Crimson returns and calls out Samoa Joe.

Joe comes out and says Crimson is wrong in just mentioning his name. Joe says Crimson is lucky he let him walk.

My dad laughs when Joe calls the fans in the IMPACT Zone, "Mouth-breathing, slack-jawed imbeciles." Joe calls Crimson his b*tch.

Crimson attacks, but Joe attacks his injured ankle and locks in a submission. Matt Morgan makes the save and helps Crimson out.

The Pope vs. Mr. Anderson

Is it a coincidence that D'Angelo Dinero's nickname is "Pope" and that he has a strange relationship with/attraction to Devon's kids? Just an observation...

This match had all the making to be a good one, and it started off to look like it.

After taking the fight to the outside, Devon's kids prevented Mr. Anderson from hitting Pope. The ref told Anderson to get in the ring while he yells at Devon's kids.

Bully Ray hits Anderson from behind; Pope gets in and pins for the win.

Winner: The Pope

Pope doesn't know what the hell happened, and Devon came out to yell at his kids. Devon's yelling rolls through commercials and into the backstage area, where they're seen by Magic Cameras.

"Home Life"

They roll a good video about Bobby Roode finally reaching his world-title shot. They run down his family life, life at home and everything.

They interview him and his wife and show plenty of his workouts and family.

Good way to continue to get Roode over.

Does he have a Twitter?

Main Event

Bobby Roode vs. AJ Styles

Good news: Daniels is gone, so there's no interference!

Guess what this earns? "Match of the Night" label! It was awesome. Two top homegrown guys just going at it. Neither holding back.

This match went back and forth and back and forth and back and... you get the idea.

After plenty of Styles Clash attempts and Double R spinebuster attempts, AJ missed a Pele and Roode caught him on the ground in a crossface for the win.

Winner: Bobby Roode

Great match, and AJ tells Roode he's ready to be next world champion.

After commercials, AJ is backstage and Roode shows up. They high-five and Roode asks if AJ brought his all, and AJ says hell yeah. He doesn't try moves like a Pele, Styles Clash and 450 Splash just because he wants to.

Mutual respect is shown, and AJ once again tells Roode he's ready.

Hogan's Announcement

Hulk Hogan comes out in "Face" mode. He says that he's done a lot of thinking and starts to thank the fans for never leaving his side despite everything in his personal life. They're the only thing that stayed.

It was a good, emotional promo by Hulk, and he even put over the members of Fortune and called them the future.

In a split-screen, Sting was backstage throwing the BS Flag around. He thought Hogan is just lying through his teeth.

Hogan welcomes all the fans, his friends, family and followers to Knoxville next week for an official Retirement Party.

This looks like the end of Hulkamania in IMPACT Wrestling.

Sting says he'll be the first one there.

Thoughts

Overall, I enjoyed this week.

Pros: