Donovan McNabb Benched in Favor of Kevin Kolb on Thanksgiving Night

Thanksgiving night against the Arizona Cardinals, Donovan McNabb was benched for the second time in just as many weeks, allowing for Kevin Kolb to get on the field and show his stuff.

I did not get to see the game for myself, but I have the two biggest pieces of information that I need. Watching the game would be a waste of time for me at this point, right? Here's what I know.

1. Donovan McNabb, at some point in the game, was benched for Kevin Kolb.

2. The Eagles had a breakout, season-saving game with Kolb taking the final snaps.

Obviously, McNabb was doing what he has done for the past 10 years: throw interceptions and get in the way of the Eagles winning ways.

Apparently, Andy had enough and sat McNabb so the Eagles would have even the slightest shot. He put in the savior, Kevin Kolb.

From what I have been able to piece together, the Cardinals came out HOT.

Warner was almost perfect in his first two series, and led the Cardinals to three consecutive scoring drives. He was incredible, hitting all of his targets with pinpoint accuracy, oblivious to the 11 players in green on the other side of the ball.

The Cardinals defense also came up big, forcing two McNabb interceptions in the first quarter alone. Inexcusable. Watching must have been painful and I feel for you fellow Eagles' fans. Ouch.

20 to nothing.

I'm not exactly sure how they got 20 and not 21. Hmmm...Rackers must have felt bad for them and just kicked with his left foot just for fun or something, I'm not quite sure. But, I guess that's not important.

Anyway, down by 20 points after the first quarter, Andy Reid had an idea.

We have the savior Kevin Kolb on the bench! How blind I've been! He needs to play! He needs to play now! He is our only hope!...Andy, you're a genius. Why, thank you, Andy! Oh no problem, you deserve it. Oh stop! No, you stop! Okay, okay, I'm great. Let's get Kolb in though before we lose this game! RIGHT!

So, Andy sent Kolb over to spit in McNabb's face and then tell him he was benched for the day. After laughing hysterically in his face while McNabb cried, two angels on a puffy white cloud came down playing the trumpet and grabbed Kevin Kolb.

They transported him from the sideline into the huddle, where he touched everyone around him, causing their talent to grow exponentially! I mean, next year, in Madden '10, not only will Kolb be on the cover, but everyone on the Eagles' team will have 100 ratings! Dibbs Eagles!

So from there, Kevin Kolb rallied the troops.

He had the breakout performance of his career. He threw for 260 yards and four touchdowns. FOUR TOUCHDOWNS! That is superstar-type play. Someone give this man an extension. He needs to be making at least $10.3 million and locked up through 2013, and that's the minimum!

Kevin Kolb led the Eagles to victory, defying the skeptics. He came through with a performance so beautiful that the angels who carried him to the field wept. Frank Reich watched in awe as Kevin Kolb led the NFL's best comeback ever.

He, single-handedly, overcame a 20-point deficit and defeated the Arizona Cardinals by a score of 48-20. Remarkable.

But wait, Eagles fans, there's more good news!

Now that we know that Kevin Kolb is some kind of football god, we can get rid of that useless know-nothing Donovan McNabb. Yay!

And, really, if I can speak candidly, good riddance!

I mean, the man has never been to the Pro Bowl five consecutive years, tying an NFL record. He's never held the NFL record for best touchdown-to-interception ratio. He's never led the Eagles to five division titles, four NFC Championship game appearances, an NFC Championship, and a Super Bowl berth.

Never. Not once. And frankly, I'm sick of him not doing those very well laid-out specific things. I mean, is that so much to ask of a quarterback who everyone wanted here? I mean, come on! I know I'm ranting a little at this point, but who does this guy think he is?

He's done nothing for this organization. All the fans in Philadelphia back in 1999 were pulling for him to be drafted. Nay, not just pulling, DEMANDING!

Threats of riots were made if this man was not drafted. And even though Andy Reid wanted Ricky Williams, he drafted McNabb anyway, just to make the fans happy. And this is how he repays us. This is how he repays our never-wavering faith in his ability as a franchise quarterback and as a person. How unclassy this man is.

Now, maybe this is a little bit of revisionist history, but I think I'm on point for the most part, right?

But anyway, back to the glory that is Kevin Kolb.

I know I cannot wait to see what this guy can do for us. He is what we've been waiting for. It's about time the Eagles had a franchise quarterback. I'm sick of us seeing guys like Ron Jaworski, Randall Cunningham, and now Donovan McNabb. It's crazy. But all that can be forgotten because now we have Kevin Kolb, football player extraordinaire.

Questions will now begin to surface such as, what's next for the Eagles? Will they make the playoffs? How far into the playoffs can they go? Is Kevin Kolb the best quarterback in Eagles' history? (duh) Where is the Kevin Kolb shrine? I need to do my daily praying.

Just be patient, Eagles' fans. All questions will be answered in due time.

Well, that's all for now. And don't forget, Kevin Kolb needs his sacrifice given by -

What's that? Hmmm? He, what? No that's not... No. He did not, that was Ko... Well, that's crazy talk. The man is useless.

Oh... Umm... Wow. Okay.

Hold on, readers.

I'm being told that uh... oh boy this is hard for me to say but, I was wrong.

Apparently, that is not what happened. I guess all of that was Donovan McNabb.

I'm being told that not only was it him, not Kevin Kolb, who led the Eagles to victory against the Cardinals on Thursday night, but he apparently has done all of those specific things I mentioned earlier.

Also, while it's true Kolb replaced McNabb in the fourth quarter, it was because McNabb had gotten them out to such a lead that it was next to impossible for even the lights-out Cardinals offense to make a comeback. Boy, do I feel sheepish.

I'm sorry. I'm going to do what most writers won't do and rescind what I said about McNabb in this article. Apparently, he really is what's best for the Philadelphia Eagles. Not only that, but he is the best quarterback this city has ever seen, and quite possibly one of the best to ever play.

On top of all that, the fans really didn't want him in '99. They wanted Ricky Williams, the guy who retired four years ago, came back, got suspended, came back, got suspended, came back, and now plays in a backup role.

Well, I know I've learned a lot of things while writing all of this.

I've learned to appreciate Donovan McNabb and all the wonderful things he has done for this team over the past decade. He's a classy guy, on top of being a wonderful player, and does not deserve all of the heat he takes. Frankly, he very rarely deserves any heat at all.

Also, we need to learn to treat the man the right way and appreciate him. Because if we don't, there are plenty of cities who will.

The man will bring Philadelphia a Lombardi. Just be patient. Even the great ones need time. Just ask John Elway. Just treat the man the way he deserves to be treated, with class and respect.

Go Eagles.