NFL Picks Week 2: 5 Things Guaranteed to Happen Sunday

Now it is time to sift through the "maybes," "perhaps" and "just mights" to reveal the rare moments that will definitely, without a doubt, happen in the NFL this weekend. 

I am tired of the endless predictions that give us nothing in the way of certainty. We don't know everything as sports analysts, but we know enough. 

We have enough working knowledge to know that a few things are not in doubt. They are certain, like gravity, or me eating the donut that is in front of me. 

So, I will leave my predictions at the door and bring you certainties that you will no doubt holed over my head Monday morning. Well, I say "bring it," because they will be certified as valid by then. 

1. Cam Newton will look like Kerry Collins.

 Last Sunday, Collins looked confused, out of sorts and rough around the edges. In fact, he looked like Newton should have. 

Instead, Newton magically became Joe Namath, Johnny Unitas and a version of myself I made in Madden that has a 100 rating. Well, the Packers don't play that business. Green Bay will make it its goal to welcome the rookie to the NFL with an actual defense that works.

Packers win.  

2. Matt Hasselbeck will have best seat in the stadium.

 The Titans couldn't hold the Jaguars at bay, and the Ravens torched the Steelers for four sacks Sunday.

Hasselbeck better bring a sleeping bag, because he is going to be spending a lot of time on the grass.

Ravens win.   

3. Steelers will beat Seahawks like they stole something.

 After Sunday's game, we will all ask the same question: What did the Seahawks ever do to you guys?

There is nothing like a good butt-whipping to get the juices running again. Mike Tomlin will be out for a statement game against the lowly Seahawks. This one will hurt.

Steelers win.  

4. Tom Brady will come down to Earth.

 Brady did everything short of cure the national debt last Monday. He had his way with the Dolphins defense, a defense that would have made Tim Tebow look like a star quarterback. 

The Chargers are a better squad all around. I don't have any faith in the Chargers special teams allowing an upset, but at least Brady will be closer to human numbers after the game.

Patriots win.

5. Matty will get iced again.

 When Matt Ryan wasn't running from the Bears, he was being hit by them. One of the best quarterbacks from last year is off to a dismal start. 

The good news is that things will get better. The bad news is that it will have to wait until after this weekend. The Eagles are too good in the secondary for Ryan to succeed.

Eagles win.