I Do What I Do Because I Hate Norv Turner

There is a reason why 99% of sports analysts shouldn’t talk the way they do. And that reason is: they suck at sports.

Hell, I’m not good at sports. I’m much more music oriented than I am sports oriented. I can play guitar, bass, keyboard, and drums.

I dabble in football and basketball, which is why I talk football and basketball. Yes I did win a championship, and even make the occasional reception as the check down TE option in Intramural Football. Yes, I have a decent jump shot and a good basketball IQ. But the tendons and bones in my ankles are actually made of linguine and I broke both in high school before I even turned 16.

So here I am: A 22 year old, in decent shape, still playing basketball whenever I get the chance. I’m nothing special, but I love talking about sports. And that’s where 99% of the sports “analyst” industry stands.

And another thing…The majority of the time me or anyone else criticizes a player or coach; we aren’t acting like freaking prophets. If I say Eric Mangini failed in his prevent defense attempt, I’m damn sure that Eric Mangini already knows that he failed. We are masters of the obvious.

That is one of the reasons why I like to speak from an alternative and more social standpoint. This way, people don’t feel like they are getting the same information from everywhere.

Now, with all of that said. There are incredibly rare instances where a coach really doesn’t get the picture, and the fans, the media, hell even the gods, all be seeing things differently than ownership. And this is one of them…

Norv Turner must be eliminated from the game of football.

Norv turner has been responsible for four different teams since the turn of the millennium, either entirely or exclusively on the offensive end. Those teams were the Dolphins, the Raiders, the 49ers and the Chargers. All four teams have one thing in common, their offenses completely crashed during his reign.

This is obviously an issue of a team that is getting out coached and out schemed. And I feel like there is only one solution. Bring back Marty Schottenheimer.

But no crash has been like this. The Chargers should be contending for a super bowl. Instead they are hanging onto a season for dear life. Tomlinson has turned into a non-factor and the Chargers rank 14th in the AFC in rushing. And even though the passing game has been steady, the even worse crash is on the opposite of the ball.

You see, the Chargers also rank 14th in the AFC in another category: Team Defense. They give up more yards on the ground than they gain, and they rank dead last in the league in passing defense. This of course is all under a head coach who is pretty adamant about the fact that he doesn’t deal with the defensive side of the ball.

People want to hang this whole thing on the loss of Shawne Merriman, but here’s the catch: The Chargers have a heaping handful of pro-bowl caliber players anchoring that defense. This is obviously an issue of a team that is getting out coached and out schemed. And I feel like there is only one solution: Bring back Marty Schottenheimer.

I know, I know. This goes against everything that a proud general manager stands for. You can’t bring back the coach that you canned. THAT’S DEBAUCHERY! But there are three things that support this.

Thing One: This has happened in major sports before. George Steinbrenner fired Billy Martin and rehired him about 17 times through the '70s and '80s but managed to get a few rings out of the deal. The Lakers brought back Phil Jackson, and right now they look unstoppable.

Thing Two: Schottzie loves conservative play. This means you know the D will get tightened down and LT will once again be LT. And LT playing himself opens up a bigger and even better passing game.

Thing Three: I don’t care what anyone says about Schottenheimer not being able to make it to the big game. Norv Turner was on a Post Schottenheimer hangover last season, and won big games playing Schottenheimer football.

So that’s the end of the discussion. I talk sports based on observation. And my observation is that Norv Turner must stop coaching, and Marty Schottenheimer must be welcomed back.