Why Team India Failed in England: 5 Conspiracy Theories

Theory One

In a mass séance, the souls of Indian batsmen were transposed into their English counterparts.

It’s no wonder; we have Kevin Pietersen batting like Sachin Tendulkar and Alastair Cook doing a Gautam Gambhir and Virender Sehwag—the best of both.

Theory Two

The cricketers’ families are being held hostage at gunpoint by ex-SAS mercenaries. They will be released when the desired result is achieved—a 4-0 thrashing.

Theory Three

The Anti-Bookies Secret Society of India (ABSSI)—in concert with the ICC—launched a covert operation to drive illegal Indian bookies out of business.

What were the odds on a 4-0 victory margin for the English? What were the odds on Sachin Tendulkar not completing his 100th international century?

The matka kings are upset.

Theory Four

Duncan Fletcher is actually a Pom spy leaking out vital weaknesses of key Indian players.

Theory Five

The BCCI believes that Test cricket is not a money-spinner like ODIs, T20, and the IPL.

This is one way of fuelling disinterest in the longer format of the game. Why waste BCCI time and resources on scheduling Test tours?

Very little bang for their buck.

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Mathematicians are like Frenchmen: whatever you say to them, they translate it into their own language, and forthwith it means something entirely different.

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe