Brady & Roids? Plus Much More.....

I thank you for taking the time to provide me with some of your time. Welcome to another edition of “In the Web.”

Tom Brady's record-setting performance Saturday night in Foxboro (26-28, 262 yards) helped propel the New England Patriots to a hard-fought victory over the upstart Jacksonville Jaguars 31-20. My respect and admiration for Brady as a player and as a man is unparallel. Brady, who broke Phil Simms record for accuracy in a single-game by completing 92% of his passes, is a consummate professional and one of the classiest individuals in all of sports.

Nevertheless, in this timeframe of congressional hearings and witch hunts and in the honor of journalistic credibility, I find pertinence in noting that New England's "Golden Boy" was linked, albeit thinly, to the BALCO investigation.

According to phone records seized by the federal government, Brady twice contacted Barry Bonds' nefarious trainer,Greg Anderson in 2002 to inquire about his "services." The meeting between "Giselle's Girl" and the Bay Area's most notorious pusher of synthetic testosterone allegedly never materialized.

Still, if you look at the matter objectively, the whole situation reeks of potential scandal. Brady may not have actually met with Anderson. However, the question remains, why seek-out Anderson in the first place? I am entirely cognizant that I am jaded and steep in cynicism. But, I refuse to believe that Brady, who has gained 35 lbs. since his rookie season in 2000, innocently and naively stumbled upon Anderson without knowing his rogue background.

Are we to believe that Brady conveniently called Anderson, of all people, to devise a plan to better strengthen his calves?

Naysayers and critics will grill me for this entry and claim that I am a yellow journalist who is muckraking in an attempt to write a lurid story. That is simply not the case. I am making mention of a fact that many people, particularly New Englanders, like to curiously dismiss as baseless. Unfortunately, despite being built like the cartoon character "Shaggy," I believe that Brady, like Mary J. Blige and 50 Cent, could be yet another piece of the infamous "Steroid Era."

• There is little doubt in my mind that I just chapped a number of my readers' asses with my above rant. To pacify the irritation, I wrote the below blurb about New England's iconic signal-caller last week.

"New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady deservingly seized his first league MVP Tuesday in a landslide vote reminiscent of Reagan-Mondale circa 1984. Brady, who threw 50 touchdowns in comparison to a measly 8 interceptions this year, is the greatest quarterback to ever step on the gridiron."

• The New York Giants nudged the Dallas Cowboys 21-17 Sunday evening in Texas Stadium to advance to the NFC Championship game. In a postgame interview, Cowboy wide receiver and living hemorrhoid, Terrell Owens got emotional while defending his teams' embattled quarterback, Tony Romo.

Romo, who received much flak in the week leading-up to the game for cavorting with his buxom girlfriend in Mexico, went a pedestrian 18-36 for 201 yards in the loss. Owens, an incredibly unsympathetic and unlikeable figure, wept like he had just finished watching "Beaches" and for what? Why waste one tear on Romo?

Romo, who signed a six-year, $67.5 extension with Dallas in October, sips pina coladas on a tropical island and he fornicates with Jessica “Double-D" Simpson. If Owens wants to cry for someone, he should cry for a poor working sap like me. Seriously, if he wants a good cry, he should call me. My life story will have him weeping in horror and dismay in comparison.

• Over the course of the year, I have been extremely critical of Giants quarterback Eli Manning. My criticism reached feverish levels in November when I began urging the "Big Blue" to insert "the Pillsbury Throwboy," Jared Lorenzen into the starting slot behind the center.

Well, if Manning's performance over the past three weeks is any indication, I was wrong in my analysis.

Although it may seem like he's been around since the Lincoln administration, Manning is still precocious, and it is feasible that he's just now coming into his own under the glare of Gotham's spotlight. If that's the case, and I'm still not sure that it is, good for Eli. It's always nice to see someone persevere in the face of adversity.

• Perhaps because of Manning's southern drawl and his painfully slow demeanor, I still am not convinced that he's the sharpest of samurai swords. With an estimated high temperature of two degrees by kickoff in Green Bay on Sunday, I am hoping that Manning decides to wear one of those "village idiot" hats with the fur ear flaps under his
helmet against the Packers.

Now, that would be classic and it would make it hard to root against the team from Jets Stadium in New Jersey.


• The Indianapolis Colts surrendered to the San Diego Chargers 28-24 Sunday afternoon in the RCA Dome to ruin the defense of their Super Bowl title.

The Chargers managed to win despite losing their starting quarterback, Phillip Rivers and running back, Ladanian Tomlinson to injuries during the course of the game. Rivers, an obnoxious loudmouth, who spent most of the day yammering with fans in the crowd from the "Hoosier State," managed to hurt himself while completing a pass to Darren Sproles for a touchdown.

I have three quick thoughts and observations about Rivers.

For one, he's a jackass and he's in dire need of a muzzle.

Secondly, the man's not agile on his feet. How in the name of a higher being did he manage to sprain his medial collateral ligament without being hit or running? His nimbleness makes "Elaine" from "Seinfeld" look like she should be on "Dancing with the Stars."

Finally, Rivers is not a classy human being. He really should walk arm-in-arm with Britney Spears into a highway restroom shoeless. Ah, redneck love. A match made in trash.


• The hapless New York Knicks (12-26) beat the dominant Detroit Pistons (29-10) 89-65 at Madison Square Garden Sunday. Uh, how did that happen? That's like Nell Carter dusting Carl Lewis in a race.


• Roy Jones Jr. (51-4) will fight Felix Trinidad (42-2) in a match that is only a decade-late Saturday night at Madison Square Garden in New York City. This contest should be billed "Golden Girls with Gloves."

At one point, these two were at the top of their profession. Now, they are leaching money out of fans pockets. Jones should hang up his gloves and instead focus on his burgeoning career as a rap artist.

Actually, with lyrics like "I got disqualified in March of '97 after givin' a whipping to Montell Griffin," maybe he should exit the music industry as well as the sport of boxing before he becomes a national punch-line.

• Kudos to Xavier University in Cincinnati for turning down rivals.com’s mid-major player of the week award on Friday that was intended for their point guard, Drew Lavender.

"People who come here and see us and what we're about and know what we've accomplished in 25 years would struggle to put any 'mid' label on us," Xavier athletic director Mike Bobinski said. "We've been to 17 NCAA Tournaments. We've had 20 20-plus win seasons. Our arena has been filled to 96 percent capacity. We've had 11 BCS conference home-and-homes in the last six years. That's not 'mid' anything."

Agree with the decision made by the Musketeers athletic department or not, they live by a code and that is something that demands respect. Somewhere out there, “the Wire’s” Omar Little is smiling.

• The Golf Channel’s Kelly Tilghman was quoted as saying that the only way young golfers could stop Tiger Woods would be to “Lynch him in a back alley.” Mistake or no mistake, all I can say is, “Wow! Is Tilghman the great-granddaughter of Nathan Bedford Forrest or what?” Perhaps Ms. Tilghman should be put to work behind the scenes instead of being one of the faces of this channel.

• As always, thank you. I hope I entertained.