UFC's Top 5 Nicknames

As a relative newcomer to the UFC I have to admit that there are plenty of fighters that I don’t know. 

This is a problem for me because I like to cheer.  I have a hard time watching a fight without choosing a side.  It makes it more fun.  So when the two fighters are complete strangers to me, I have to use fairly subjective means to determine which fighter to support. 

Sometimes I go by birthplace.  If the person is from Chicago they automatically win, but I am also fond of Brazil or almost any country in Asia. 

Next is style.  I am not a big fan of wrestling and I live in Thailand, so if city or country can’t determine it, I will lean towards anyone who is proficient in Muay Thai or BJJ over the dominant wrestler. 

If neither of these work I go for age.  I am nearly 35 so prefer the veterans over the young guys. 

But the final and most important thing, and also their last chance to win me over before the fight, is the nickname.  A good nickname can trump all of these other factors. 

I like the ones that make me laugh, clever or sounds funny when Bruce Buffer says it.  Accuracy is also important; I like the names that fit the fighter perfectly. 

One thing which saddens me is wasted potential in a nickname, so the top spot was given with a heavy heart.  Here are the top five UFC nicknames.

Marcus "The Darkness" Jones

No. 5  Marcus “The Darkness” Jones

OK, I know he is also called Big Baby, but he doesn’t seem to like that and I don’t want to anger the man. 

Marcus had only a brief stay in the UFC but his nickname lives on.  What I like about this one is how accurate it is. 

Mr. Jones has a pretty dark complexion and is roughly the same size as the house I grew up in, so fighting him must literally feel like you are trying to fight nighttime. You are being pummeled by a moonless midnight sky.  

I only wish his career would have lasted longer.  Waste of a good nickname.

Keith "The Dean of Mean" Jardine

No. 4  Keith “The Dean of Mean” Jardine

Poetically it leaves a little to be desired, but it sounds amazing when Bruce Buffer says it. 

Jardine reminds me of Soda Popinski from “Mike Tyson’s Punch Out.” 

I would have gone with that, but I am not going to argue with the Dean.

Marcus "The Irish Hand Grenade" Davis

No. 3  Marcus “The Irish Hand Grenade” Davis

Hey, anytime you can stir up hundreds of years of violence, bad blood and religious intolerance with one nickname, you gotta go for it, that’s my motto. 

Can’t wait until we see our first “Jihad” in the UFC.

Chris "The Crippler" Leben

No. 2  Chris “the Crippler” Leben

I like this one because of its complete lack of political correctness.  It’s old school. 

It sounds like the nickname of a 1950’s pro wrestler or B-horror movie villain.

One could imagine The Crippler taking on Gorilla Monsoon or chasing teenagers away from make-out hill in grainy black and white.  

Vintage simplicity.  I am going to cripple you for I am The Crippler.

Ryan "The Master" Bader. Do the Right Thing

No. 1  Ryan “Darth” Bader

This gets No. 1 not because it is the best nickname, but because it has potential to be. 

Darth is OK, but ultimately uninspired, especially considering Ryan Bader has been gifted with what could be the best sport’s nickname of all time. 

Please, for the love of God, embrace your destiny Ryan and take on the nickname “The Master.” 

It’s right there for the taking.  It’s yours. 

Can you imagine how great it would be to hear Bruce Buffer do an intro that ended with "Ryan, The Master, Baaaaaaaaaader!!!!” while a stoned Joe Rogan tries not to giggle? 

Bader would instantly become a YouTube sensation which would probably increase his earning power substantially. 

You just lost two in a row—one of them to an aging Tito Ortiz.  Ryan, you need a fresh start. 

Let me offer one more reason, courtesy of Phil Jackson. 

When Michael Jordan retired to play baseball, Phil Jackson went to him and basically said, “Michael, you’ve been given a gift.  What you do is art and you owe it to the world to share that.” 

This name is the world’s, not yours, you owe us this, so do the right thing, Ryan, become The Master.