Big Ten Fans Just Don't Get It

Big Ten fans just don't get it.  The rest of the football world looks upon you as the great pretenders.  Big Ten teams are the freeloaders who soak up valuable ranking slots until bowl season finally reveals what the rest of us have known all season.

It's not just that the team they trot every year as "their best" gets beat.  They get trampled in a very embarrassing fashion.

But it's not really the fans who are to blame in this sad situation—they are the ones to be pitied.  The press is to blame—that same evil press that is trying to get Obama elected.

They come out with their polls showing the great strength of the Big Ten each year and actually convince a lot of people they know what they're talking about.  They lull Big Ten fans into that same old familiar trap of thinking they're actually good.  It's not that all the historical data is overwhelming—it's just the tale of the tape lately.

When you send your best team out and they get screwed like a dock whore when the Navy pulls in, it just makes us all realize that your best isn't all that good.  Last year the SEC sported a two-loss team that backed into the championship game against Ohio State and made them look like Cleveland Middle School.

So please, Big Ten teams, don't come and tell us how wonderful you are.  Don't tell us what a tough conference you have.  Have your champion go out and finally prove they can beat someone, anyone in a big bowl game.

Until then, just quietly root for your team and pray the embarrassment will finally end.  Write your congressmen and senators and demand that they pass legislation that will prevent the media from distorting the truth with their silly polls and getting you so excited.  Demand fairness in the press!

The press still has Ohio State at No. 11!  They lose two games by a combined score of 48-10, and they're rated above an undefeated team and many other one-loss teams?  The conspiracy of the press and the polls continues to cause delusion among hundreds of thousands of gullible fans.

Demand lower rankings so your champion can finally play someone they may have a chance to beat.  It's time to get that monkey off your back.  Take a cue from Obama and "spread the wealth" around—or in this case, those ranking points.

If that can't happen, demand that you be paired with the winner from the MAC or Sun Belt Conference.  Do not be baited, goaded, or bribed to take another matchup with an SEC or Big 12 school.  Learn to say "No thank you" when certain bowl invitations arrive.

Thank God for Penn State!  You know the football world was just waiting for another Rose Bowl matchup with USC and Ohio State.  Like the first ass-kicking didn't get the message across.  With USC playing better now, it might have been 52-0 instead of the first 35-3 thrashing.

Thought should be given to the pain and misery caused to fans who are suddenly and emotionally brought to the realization that their team sucks.  The world needs a lot less upset people, and I'm doing my part to try to help.

I urge everyone with a Big Ten fan as a friend or relative to tell them now, before it's sprung upon them, that they suck.  If we start the healing now, we can all have a happy new year.