Brian Wilson continues hilarious ride as baseball's top entertainer

Brian Wilson, second from left, tips his cap in the way only Brian Wilson can. (Photo: Reuters/Pool/David J. Phillip)

When San Diego Padres reliever Heath Bell raced in from the bullpen and slid into the infield grass just before the pitcher’s mound during the eighth inning of the All-Star Game, it was surprising and tremendously hilarious. It begs the question: is he that weird or was Brian Wilson behind the idea?

It would make a great deal of sense if Wilson was. But even if he wasn’t, the quirky San Francisco Giants closer continued his very successful career as a comedian. First, he announced the National League lineup, and focused on three players.

“Our lineup today is pretty filthy, let’s just say,” Wilson said. “Let’s start off with Carlos Beltran. The guy’s a phenomenal hitter, switch hitter. There’s talks of him coming over to the Giants. More than welcome. Come on over, pal.

“Brian McCann behind the dish, the guy is an absolute beast. Atlanta, I think you are going to have to sign him to a long-term deal, just sayin’.

“Roy Halladay on the mound. This guy is a cyborg. Location like a robot, he’s filthy. Our chances of winning today just got off seven-fold because that guy is toeing the rubber.”

It is descriptions like these that make Wilson great. And he was far from done on this night.

“How would you rank Heath Bell’s slide?” asked ESPN’s Pedro Gomez.

“Yeah, that was interesting,” Wilson answered. “I wasn’t expecting it, caught me off guard. I thought I reacted well. I think he nailed it — pop-up slide. I’m not that athletic I don’t think, so I think my knee would’ve blew out and it would’ve been weird, but that’s what I do.”

Continuing the classic deadpanned responses of the funniest nature, which complimented his infamous black beard that would make ZZ Top proud. At one point the ESPN microphone got too close to the beard, which didn’t sit well with Wilson. “Get the beard off the mic there. Gettin’ a little close.”

To this, Gomez had the perfect response: “I don’t want to get in there with whatever else is in there.” This set up excellently for Wilson, who had yet another chance to create some laughs and add to his legend. As he does so often with the media and on the mound, he delivered.

“Well there’s garden gnomes cutting down trees and apparently there’s an Irish jig lady dancing,” he said. “I haven’t met her yet but she’s in this quadrant.”

There aren’t many players in professional sports with his persona. There was more of his kind before my time–the oddities with plenty of quirky mannerisms and one-liners. As baseball has become more of a business with more of a serious attitude, there are less and less entertainers in the sport. There are those with entertaining personalities, like Brandon Phillips, Dustin Pedroia, Dirk Hayhurst, and Logan Morrison, but Wilson has proved to be in a league of his own.

After the game, Eric Karros interviewed him after slammed the door on the American League. He was answering Karros’s questions in his usual straight-faced manner, discussing his performance, Bell’s slide again, and the All-Star game overall. Then, he did what was to be expected, delivering perhaps his best line yet.

“Third All-Star game [for you], does it ever get old?”, Karros asked.

“No it doesn’t,” Wilson said. “And I must say, you have immaculate hair right now. Let’s get a shot of that.” Announcer Tim McCarver laughed from the booth. Karros chuckled. And Wilson just stood there, as straight-faced as can be. Just another day at the office for baseball’s best comedian.