Ode to Being a Gooner and Banishing All Misery, Angst or Ennui

I have though long and hard about the trials and tribulations of being an Arsenal FC supporter, more colloquially referred to as a "Gooner." This Ode is written in praise of and admiration for all supporters of the AFC, whether they be AKB (Arsene Know Best), AAA (Wenger Out) or anywhere in between.

What is it that makes an Arsenal fan so unique (not necessarily better) than your average football fan? Here are a few straightforward and fairly obvious aspects of our cherished Gooner:

* They are usually very faithful to the team, more so than the average Gunner in actual fact. This is particularly amazing when one considers that they earn 1/10,000th of these aforementioned Gunners!

* They have above average expectations of the manager, players and Board. some would describe them as exaggerated.

* They have a certain stoicism and long-suffering perseverance about them. While this stoicism has its limits, in general they will leap at the most innocuous shred of success to keep their hopes alive.

* They tend to appreciate the Arsenal way of playing, (regardless of the overall results) as a thing of beauty in itself. They eagerly await the day that AFC will out-tippy-tappy Barcelona as last season.

* They display a passion and love for the Club, regardless of how they feel about its individual components, therefore allowing one to be an AKB or an AAA or anything in between and still be a Gooner.

* They, like most fans, thirst for the preseason to start so they can once again spend hours in front of a TV screen, a computer or a widescreen in a pub and have even been know, on rare occasions, not to quaff a pint in this place—at least not until after the match is over.

* Most do not come from London Colney, North London, Highbury or anywhere near the Emirates and more than half live overseas.

* They almost uniformly despise, pity and hold in regal disdain the football impostors who share North London with AFC.

* They display an incomprehensible predilection for attacking each other, often like a pack of rabid dogs let loose on a fellow canine who dared stray from the pack. This usually occurs on Arsenal blogs intended for something else entirely.

* They have known sublime moments of glory (the Invincibles, beating Barca) and the deepest pit of despair (the Newcastle tie, the CC cup shambles), often in the same season, yet have a boundless forgiveness despite their grumblings, groanings, moanings and bitching.

* They are often elegant, noble, sophisticated and debonair when decked out in the Arsenal shirt and colours. They are also capable of being ladies and gentlemen when the occasion presents itself.

* They can come from the most humble backgrounds and conditions or the wealthiest, most royal, yet they all blend in together when the whistle goes.

* They have an arcane and incomprehensible tendency to become voiceless at the Emirates yet spring into full bloom when away from home, where they regularly out-vocalize the local supporters.

* Finally, they can be of any gender, age or ethnicity yet still share that Gooner passion for all things Red and White, which causes them to be extremely sensitive to who runs their Club and how it is done.

Taking the above into consideration, I have come to the dreadful conclusion that being a Gooner is a lifetime commitment and that angst, ennui, misery, as well as joy, exhilaration and sublime addiction will, in equal measure, be my fare for the rest of my earthly days!

Oh how, the Fates have punished and blessed me in perfect synchrony.