Maria Sharapova V. Petra Kvitova: It Ain't Ova for the -Ovas at Wimbledon

With the Wimbledon women's semifinals just completed, one thing is certain: It ain't ova for the -Ovas.

One corner will feature the eighth seeded Petra Kvitova of the Czech Republic, a 6-1, 3-6, 6-2 mild-upset winner ova Victoria Azarenka of Belarus.

In the other corner will be Russia's fifth-seeded Maria Sharapova, who defeated unseeded German Sabine Lisicki, 6-4, 6-3.

So yes, Wimbledon, which has hosted the women's championships since 1884 (with hiatuses observed for the World Wars) is guaranteed to have an -Ova as a champion.

If you're keeping score, Sharapova (who will take Centre Court as the favorite) is one of two -Ovas to have won tennis' most prestigious tourney. The other, of course, was the legendary Martina Navratilova, who won nine singles titles and was runner-up on three other occasions.

Martina was a trailblazer in so many ways, but she was not the first -Ova to reach the finals. That distinction would go to Russia's Olga Morozova, who lost in 1974 to Chris Evert, 6-0, 6-4. That match may have been ova before it started.

And yes, Hana Mandlikova made two finals, lost both, and for good reasons—she came up against Evert (Lloyd) and Martina.

This history lesson is kind of ova, but it means that Sharapova-Kvitova will be the second-ever Wimbledon final between two -Ovas. (And no, much to our chagrin, Anna Kournikova never made it, but she did win an Australian Open doubles title).

Still not ova-ly impressed? Try this on for size.

The Round of 16 featured five -Ovas, and almost a sixth: Petra Cetkovska snuck in an "s-k." She also beat Ana Ivanovic to get there, which isn't that hard to do these days, but I still dislike her for it.

It is a surprise that neither Williams sister made it to the finals this year (for only the second time this millennium), but should we be surprised that five of the final 16 were -Ovas? Perhaps, but only mildly so.

In the current WTA rankings, Sharapova is the highest -Ova ton the list (at No. 6, for the time being), but she is joined in the Top 16 by Kvitova (No. 8), Svetlana Kuznetsova (No. 12) and Anastasia Pavlyuchenkova (No. 14).

Had enough? I'm not done yet (I hope you appreciate that I passed ova another pun...oops).

14 of the top 55 players are -Ovas, and if I put together a 16-woman all-Ova tourney, we would only have to go to No. 79 to fill out the bracket—Anastasia Rodionova, of the Czech Republic. I'm feeling good all ova just thinking about it.

I was also being conservative here. I could have counted the Czech Republic's Barbora Zachlavova Strycova twice, but I thought it unfair to have Zachlavova have an internal battle with Strycova. If Barbora could change her first name to Barbova, we'd really have something here.

As a service to tennis fans, here are some fact-lets I've compiled about the top 16 –Ovas. (And yes, there is some truth to the notion that –Ova is Eastern European female for “I will grow up to kick your azz on the tennis court, while shrieking your ears off, but I’ll charm your pants off in real life.”)

1. All come from Russia, the Czech Republic, Slovakia or Latvia.
2. All of them, we believe, are ova 5'11" tall.
3. Most of them shriek on-court, but thankfully most of their shrieks are not as ear-shattering as Sharapova's.
4. Most of them look quite appealing in a bathing suit.
5. Their last names are pronounced exactly as they are spelled.
6. All have at least four syllables (with Kvitova needing only seven letters to hit that minimum), with Pavlyuchenkova clocking in at 14 letters and six syllables.

If we took their last four letters, we'd find a bunch of Kovas (four), Rovas (three), and two apiece of Tova, Sova and Nova. We have one Pova, a Hova, a Cova, and a Lova. Oops, if you're counting, that makes 17, but I'm not about to do this ova.

Ironically, none of them went to Villanova, although World No. 2, Kim Clijsters married a former basketball player from 'Nova.

My time is almost, um, running out, so please enjoy the final between Petra Kvitova and Maria Sharapova, and remember this:

It ain’t Ova till -Ova wins.