Lakers News: Hoping for the Best from DJ Mbenga

John 'Fatty'-FatlandCorrespondent IJanuary 21, 2008

This is the official news release from the Los Angeles Lakers:

The Los Angeles Lakers have signed free agent center Didier “DJ” Ilunga-Mbenga to a 10-day contract, it was announced today by General Manager Mitch Kupchak.

Mbenga, a 7-foot, 220 pound native of the Congo, signed with the Golden State Warriors November 17 after spending three seasons with the Dallas Mavericks prior to their request for waivers on him October 30.

In 16 games with the Warriors prior to his release January 6, Mbenga averaged 1.2 points, 1.9 rebounds, and 0.63 blocked shots in 8.1 minutes.

Blah, blah, blah, blah...

Now, this is the unofficial, read between the lines, what the Lakers really think about this 10 day signing, that they don't want you to know. An exclusive to Bleacher Report, as told to you by John Fatland, otherwise known as Fatty.

First, DJ Mbenga is from the Congo, but that's not important. What is important is how you pronounce his name. The M is silent, so you would call him Benga. Or you can say DJ, as his teammates like to call him.

Of course, you are wondering, why did Mitch take 7 days to sign the replacement for Andrew Bynum?

The main reason is the money, his $20,000 salary. Normally not much in NBA circles, but to DR. Buss, the owner of the Lakers, 20 g's is about two hands of poker. Dr. Buss has his needs and Mitch understands that.

Mbenga has very little NBA experience. I'm told he still doesn't know what NBA stands for. But, in his very short time of playing, he has received a one game suspension from Stu Jackson. Fatty likes. And why? For a hit to LeBron James. Oooh, Fatty really likey!

This cat is bad. His own team, Dallas, suspended him 6 days for getting into an altercation with a fan. Try booing him, Lakers Fans.

Why is Fatty so excited? Because this Lakers team is soft. Did you see the Boston/Lakers game? That Lamar Odom wimpy push of Ray Allen didn't scare anyone. 

With DJ, you won't see none of this Deke Mutombo shake his finger sissy stuff. We're talking block your shot, knock you to the floor, step on your neck as he walks by Congo tough. Now this is what the good Dr. Buss has ordered.

Did I say he's into the Martial Arts? When most players, pregame greet each other with hugs and high fives, DJ quietly stands at attention, clasps his hands in front of his chest, and politely bows. Then proceeds to getting down in a Karate stance.

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He idolizes Kareem, not for his basketball skills, but for Jabar's Kung Fu movie days.  While others may reach for the ball, he Karate chops and screams Bruce Lee like "Hai yahs"! 

All opposing players will now have to sign a damage waiver to play against DJ. "Play at your own risk. Not responsible for broken teeth, black eyes, or fat lips. Nor crushed egos. Thank you, and have a nice day."

But can he right the Lakers soft ship in just 10 days? Can you say Mahershalalhashbaz? If we are lucky, soon Sasha and Coby Karl will be playing bump, knock down, and run basketball. Lamar Odom will perfect his take down, and Vladimir will only have to stare at opposing players to make them afraid. Now that's Lakers basketball.

DJ Mbenga, you're about to have your 10 days of glory. Make the most of it. And maybe Dr. Buss will forego two more hands of poker and the fans will get to enjoy your play longer.


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