An Autumn Romance in Detroit

There is nothing more beautiful than the fall season in Michigan.  Nature reveals its fragility and resilience all at once, while we witness the leaves change their color and eventually float to the ground as autumn gives way to winter.  It's easy to fall in love this time of year.

A love affair has come to fruition in the city of Detroit. (no, not you, Kwame Kilpatrick)  We've followed the Detroit Lions' journey of the heart for years.  Sure, the Detroit Lions and Mediocrity had a long relationship, one that most people would be content with, but deep down, we all knew it wasn't meant to be.

During the last few years, a new fling came into the picture.  Remember the first time the Detroit Lions saw Rock Bottom from across a crowded room?  They couldn't keep their eyes off Rock Bottom...they just had to muster up the courage to talk to her.

From that point on, the Detroit Lions and Mediocrity seemed to grow apart.  All the good times—drafting overrated wide receivers in the summer, changing head coaches every two or three years, reminiscing about that one time in the mid-90's when they played on Monday Night—they just didn't give that wow feeling anymore. 

Alternating between almost making the playoffs and almost getting a top draft pick wasn't as fulfilling to the Detroit Lions as it once was.

So they did what any red-blooded football franchise might do in this situation.  The Detroit Lions gave in to their weakness and started seeing Rock Bottom behind Mediocrity's back.  It started with late-night meetings in dimly lit bars, where the Detroit Lions could be found whispering sweet Matt Millens in Rock Bottom's ear.

Eventually, people began to notice them together.  Mediocrity knew in the very pit of her being that she was losing the Detroit Lions.  Recently along the way, she could only take refuge in the arms of the Detroit Tigers.  It was plain to see—the Detroit Lions and Rock Bottom were made for each other.

Mediocrity and the Detroit Lions would eventually go their separate ways.  Once in a while on the street, they might pass each other and say something like, "Well, we'll always have Thanksgiving, right?"

It is said that everyone has a certain special someone they were put on this earth to be with.  It should be obvious to all of the fans.  Rock Bottom is the only one who could get the Detroit Lions to drop all of their defenses, and allow the opposition to chalk up huge chunks of yards and score at will.  Rock Bottom has opened their eyes to the possibility of never having a productive quarterback ever again.

As not only fans of football but of the human condition, we should embrace their love.  There is really no need to hide it from the public's eyes.  Look at how the Chicago Cubs and Train Wreck turned out.  Is there a hotter couple right now?

To celebrate the blossoming of their passion for one another, let's all take a stroll through a Michigan forest this autumn.  Take a pocket knife and carve this onto one of the trees: "DL + RB" with a heart around it.  Then get ready for a long harsh winter.