WWE RAW Results, Questions and Comments.... LIVE! (3/14/2011)

Twenty days remain until Wrestlemania 27...unless you're reading this on Tuesday or Wednesday instead of the intended Monday...in which case you can do your own math.  
Every Monday and Friday, I do my GuysNation.com write-up of the results and analysis for RAW and Smackdown, typically listing what's going on and giving some analysis of it in the form of questions and comments.  Some people find it funny; others don't get my brand of humor.  When I try to write it up live (like I'm doing tonight), it's harder to keep current while trying to add some humor to it.  

I'll do my best, but you have to bring your humor-article-reading A-game, since your job is a lot easier than mine.

Three episodes of RAW left, and we're yet to see a face-to-face between Cena and The Rock.  After last week, it looks like we might be looking at Cena setting his sights squarely on The Miz and putting The Rock in his rear-view for a bit.  The Undertaker spoke last week on RAW, then Triple H showed up on Smackdown.  Will either of them be there tonight?

Shawn Michaels has said a bit, and we haven't had any indication of him showing up at Wrestlemania.  Some have speculated that he was going to be the special guest referee, and some of speculated that this is a retirement match for Triple H.  Will either of those be true?

We'll find out over the course of the next three hours...unless of course you're not reading this on Monday Night...or maybe it takes you three hours to read this article.  Who knows?  

Just when I was getting excited for 9pm (Eastern), they hit me up with a commercial to remind me that SNOOKI is the guest host for the evening.  I avoid Jersey Shore in its entirety, and now they bring down my excitement level.

RAW BEGINS

The show starts out with The Rock sitting in an office on his telephone, talking to someone about how John Cena wasn't entertaining.  Cena's music hits and a little kid walks into The Rock's office and does the Cena gimmick.  The Rock tells the kid to speak to him like a man, repeatedly calling him John Cena.  Something tells me this isn't live, and that The Rock is going to show up in person tonight.  Maybe I'm just overly optimistic.

The Rock basically just makes fun of John Cena for appealing only to the young viewers and not bringing in an older demographic when The Rock left and Cena "carried the ball".  After saying Cena's not talented, The Rock also makes fun of John Cena's crappy movies, and honestly he should've left that one out, because not only is it the pot calling the kettle black, but he's also biting the hand that feeds him, since Cena's movies were all WWE-produced.

Wow, now The Rock makes statements towards The Miz, which is likely just because The Miz used The People's Elbow last week.  The Rock promises to bring an ass whupping to The Miz (and of course, John Cena).  We're then asked if we can smell what the Rock is cooking, and RAW can get started.

Okay, so how great is that to see Trish Stratus back on RAW?  Even if she is standing next to SNOOKI at the time, we do get to see one of the best DIVAs in the history of the business LIVE tonight, and that's a good thing.  

Did anyone else laugh when they saw Michael Cole sitting at ringside inside his containment chamber?  So many jokes about bad personal hygene or his rodent-lilke nature... so little time.

The Miz is up first, and it's what you'd expect from The Miz.  He does talk about The Rock's father and grandfather yet again, ripping on them for a moment about the fact that neither of them won the World Championship.  The Miz also talks about how he's done something The Rock hasn't done - beat up John Cena.  Then he tells us that he's awesome, gets ready to go, and it's Anonymous GM time....

Michael Cole escapes his bubble, walks around the announce table, gets stopped by Jerry Lawler, and it appears that Lawler's going to read the email.  Cole gets bitter because he says it's his job, but Lawler reads it anyway.

The RAW GM sets two "first time ever" matches - one for The Miz, one for John Cena.  The Challenger at Wrestlemania, John Cena, will face the other challenger at Wrestlemania, Alberto Del Rio.  The other match will see The Miz take on The Great Khali.  Talk about talent disparity....

Match - The Great Khali vs The Miz

The World Champ tries to get some offense against Khali, but to no avail.  Khali no sells it and takes the hurt to The Miz.  Khali gets the skull crushing grip on The Miz, and The Miz gets to the ropes.  Twice.  And Khali doesn't break it.  Alex Riley, despite being out of a job, rushes to The Miz's aid.

Outcome - Should be a no contest since Khali could've been DQ'ed and so could The Miz.  

In the aftermath, The Miz goes to town on Great Khali with a chair, breaking the steel chair apart in the process.  The Miz heads backstage, and there's no sign of Alex Riley following him.  Did he get escorted away by security?  

Michael Cole claims that he's going to expose Jerry Lawler's true story.  Does anyone care about that?  Lawler was a heel back in the day who used to chase after Divas who were half his age.  Prior to that, he was a wrestler during the business' steroid and drugs era, so I'm sure there's plenty of skeletons in that closet.  Yet, I still don't care what Cole has to say.

We're also reminded that Randy Orton will be facing Mason Ryan later tonight.  What are the odds that WWE Creative decided to completely castrate New Nexus by having Mason Ryan lose, squelching CM Punk's last bit of hope to have someone in his corner at Wrestlemania?

Recap time!  Smackdown feels the love as RAW shows the Triple H hype video from Smackdown... so really it's not a Smackdown Recap.

Backstage, John Morrison is talking to SNOOKI when Vickie Guerrero and Dolph Ziggler show up.  Vickie warns SNOOKI to stay away from her man, and then says it doesn't matter if SNOOKI was on the cover of Rolling Stone magazine, because she claims to have been offered the cover of Playboy.  SNOOKI with a nice burn about Vickie not being able to fit all on one page, Vickie gets her smack blocked and then SNOOKI tags her hard with an open palm to the cheek, and it's commercial time.

United States Championship Match - "King" Sheamus vs Daniel Bryan (c)

As we heard last week, if Sheamus doesn't win this match, he'll quit WWE.  While I think it's possible that he could end up on Smackdown, I think it's more likely that Sheamus will become the new champion.

With Sheamus on the cover of this month's Muscle & Fitness Magazine, how unlikely is it that the career of Sheamus finds the exit tonight?

The announcers mention that there might be a Curse Of The King Of The Ring, but frankly, isn't that the way a lot of the former winners of the tournament took their careers to the next level?  Bret Hart, Owen Hart, Kurt Angle, Booker T, Steve Austin, Triple H, Edge, Brock Lesnar... they all stepped it up after winning.

We won't talk about Ken Shamrock, Billy Gunn or Mabel.

Sheamus shows some good intensity, but Daniel Bryan has some good counters and reversals in store.  Harkening back to last week, Sheamus gets thrown out of the ring, and again (despite not hitting anything this time), Sheamus shows that his shin is injured somehow.  Sheamus back into the ring, almost taps out to the LaBell lock, and after Sheamus tries for his crucifix bomb, they trade shots, with Daniel Bryan getting some sick forearm shots and kicks onto King Sheamus.  

Outcome - Daniel Bryan nearly gets his head kicked off when he comes off the top rope and gets drilled by King Sheamus with the Bro Kick, leading directly to a Sheamus pinfall to become the new champion.

Is anyone else actually thinking we'll get Sheamus vs Mark Henry with the belt on the line at Wrestlemania?  If not, it'll happen sooner or later...

Michael Cole addresses the crowd, and he's going to bring out someone from Jerry Lawler's past which will destroy The King.  It happens after the commercial (which is actually a trailer for WWE Movies production THE CHAPERONE.

The special guest of Michael Cole tonight?  Brian Christopher, the son of Jerry Lawler.  You might remember him as Grand Master Sexay... or maybe not.  

Apparently Brian Christopher has some harsh words about Jerry Lawler, who BC claims was never there for him as a child.  BC also claims that Jerry Lawler didn't want him to use the name "Lawler".  Lawler calls him a screw-up, then BC rips on him for having been to Wrestlemania before Jerry did.  Brian Christopher then claims to be ashamed of Jerry Lawler.  Michael Cole calls Jerry a pathetic coward, and then Good Ole Jim Ross shows up!!!

Jim Ross gets into the ring, and Michael Cole runs his mouth a little bit to make fun of JR for the BBQ stuff JR has been pushing on Twitter and his own website (JRsBBQ.com, I believe).  Jim Ross then tells Michael Cole that this should stop, that Cole has taken it too far.  Jim Ross claims that the fans are The Voice Of The WWE, not any one announcer.  Jim Ross says that Jerry Lawler has been carrying Michael Cole all along, then calls Michael Cole a Rat Bastard.

I KNEW before the end of the night, there would be a rodent reference!

Jim Ross tries to leave the ring, but Michael Cole calls Jim Ross a coward, and Jim Ross gets back into the ring, takes off his hat and jacket, preparing for a fight, loosening his tie (which isn't a clip-on, by the way) and then Jim Ross signals that he's going to hit Michael Cole.  Cole takes off his jacket and tie, and before the two can do anything, Jack Swagger shows up and drills Jerry Lawler at the announce table, then gets into the ring with Jim Ross begging off a bit.  Swagger with a kick to the gut, beats Jim Ross down, then locks on an ankle lock on the Hall Of Fame announer.  Lawler into the ring, knocks back Swagger, then gets an ankle lock of his own.  Michael Cole then locks the ankle lock onto Jim Ross, causing him to scream out in pain.  

I'm really hoping that Michael Cole gets a piledriver at Wrestlemania.

Match - Mason Ryan vs Randy Orton

It seems like WWE has some people always lose in their hometowns.  Batista lost in DC a lot, Mickie James lost in Richmond every time she was there, and there are some more examples.  What are the odds that Orton loses this match in St Louis?  It would be his only loss in the series against New Nexus, and yet it's the one he should lose.... so with all that said, I'm sure Orton will probably win.  

As has been the case as of late with Randy Orton matches, he flips the switch and POOF, match over.

Outcome - Randy Orton wins via RKO, getting the pinfall

After the match, Randy Orton starts to leave the ring and it looks like he was going to get back into the ring for the punt of Mason Ryan, but he starts walking up the rampway... only to rush back into the ring, setup and punt Mason Ryan.  CM Punk rushes the ring, but he's too late.

Am I the only one who feels bad for CM Punk in all of this?  He's just trying to get some retribution for the way Randy Orton screwed him over a couple years ago.

Drew Carey is added to the list of Hall Of Fame inductees for this year.  For those who might not know, Drew Carey actually entered the Royal Rumble one year, aside from his other appearances in WWE.

Did anyone else feel like that induction had too much hype for Drew Carey's new improv show?

Was anyone else happy to see some interaction between Long Island Iced Z, Zack Ryder, and SNOOKI?  Perfect situations playing out, even if Ryder doesn't get enough air-time week to week.  Great line by Ryder about his six-pack, and although I totally expected SNOOKI to rip on him for it, she gave him some props, which was cool.

Is anyone else surprised that I could pay that much attention to Zack Ryder and Snooki in a segment which featured Trish Stratus?  

That's why I have DVR.

Did I mention that there are polls along with the GuysNation version of this article?  Fun times.  If you don't think so, that's alright; hundreds of people disagree with you each week.  Hundreds.  If you think this article could be more up-to-date with what's going on with RAW, check out the other version.  Bleacher Report has its editors check my articles for style-code violations after some of the updates, so I don't always have the chance to do updates when I want, and did I mention the polls?