Danger: Message Boards May Be Dangerous to Your Health (Satire)

I'm not kidding, folks. I had a near-death experience on a certain NASCAR-related message board recently. I will not name the message board because legal details are involved, but I can say that recently, I was threatened with death by deletion on a message board.

I'm familiar with message boards. Heck, I even have one myself. We've got four members pumping out information with all their might. Recently, on a board dealing with not only politics, but religion, I was threatened with removal because I committed the greatest sin of all: I told the truth.

I said to the board, and I quote here: "George W. Busch has not been the greatest president in history."

I backed up my facts there. I did my research before I made such an audacious post. I did my homework, in other words. I based my reasoning upon the fact that none of us, here in the USA, the land of the brave and the home of the free, have yet to acquire space cars. Yeah, I said it. Space cars.

I once watched a film, back when they had film, about the future. In the future, we would all have space cars. I'm in a midlife crises here. I want a Corvette, but should I wait for my space car instead?

I watch guys like Dale Earnhardt Jr, and he makes life fun by being a guy that makes me think that he lives like a rock star. I imagine being Dale Jr, because being him must be so much fun, right?

The fact is, if Dale Jr. wanted a space car, he'd probably already have one. That's just how cool that guy is. Everything he touches seems to turn to gold. He's got his own racing teams. He's got his own production company. He rocks, he rolls, he's like so totally cool.

I wish I had my space car, but I'm probably not going to get one anytime soon. The prices seems to be very high, and the registration costs seem to be very not so nice either. I'd hate to think about the insurance on one of those things.

Getting back to my original topic, I have to report that I once had a message board contact offer to shoot me in the face. I was talking about Kyle Busch at the time. This kind board contact offered to shoot me in the face, free of charge.

With the price of ammunition these days, that was indeed a kind offer. I declined, however, because I'm apparently too sissy to take on an armed racing fan. What a shame.

I find it refreshing to know that so many fans out there feel passionate enough about their drivers to kill someone. I'm also a bit disturbed by it. But that's just me.

Don't mind me. If I offend you, why don't you just shoot me in the face?