50 Sports Names That Make Us Giggle

Sam WestmorelandFeatured ColumnistFebruary 23, 2011

50 Sports Names That Make Us Giggle

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    Denis Doyle/Getty Images

    We've all seen or heard it. We're sitting at home, watching a football game, a hockey game, a soccer match, when a name flashes across the screen or comes out of the announcer's mouth. 

    "Did I just hear that?" you say, stifling the urge to laugh. But then you hear it again, confirming your suspicions, and you can't stop it anymore. 

    You start to giggle, then laugh and then double over with laughter at the player's unfortunate nomenclature.

    This list is dedicated to the 50 athletes who have had to battle clever quips using their names—these men and women have endured countless hours of laughter at things they are unable to control.

    There are literally hundreds of hilarious names out there in the sports world, so feel free to leave any names you think deserve mentioning on this list.

    And now onto the funny.

50. J.J. Putz

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    BALTIMORE - AUGUST 09:  J.J. Putz #40 of the Chicago White Sox pitches in the tenth inning against the Baltimore Orioles at Camden Yards on August 9, 2010 in Baltimore, Maryland.  (Photo by Greg Fiume/Getty Images)
    Greg Fiume/Getty Images

    Putz is a reliever for the Arizona Diamondbacks, but if you listen to Mets fans, he more than lives up to his name.

49. JamesOn Curry

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    DALLAS - MARCH 09:  JamesOn Curry #24 of the Oklahoma State Cowboys dribbles the ball against the Iowa State Cyclones during the first round of the Phillips 66 Big 12 Men's Basketball Championship Tournament at American Airlines Arena on March 9, 2006 in
    Ronald Martinez/Getty Images

    Curry's unfortunate first name was the byproduct of prenatal indecision. His mother was split between the names James and Leon, and rather than making one his first name and one his middle name, she decided to meld them into one name. 

    It also allowed opposing fans to change the notoriously streaky shooter's name to "JamesOff" during cold spells.

48. Ruben Boumtje-Boumtje

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    15 Mar 2001:  Center Ruben Boumtje Boumtje #44 of the Georgetown Hoyas shoots the ball against the Arkansas Razorbacks during the first round of the NCAA Tournament at the Boise State University Pavilion in Boise, Idaho. The Hoyas won  63-61. DIGITAL IMAG
    Brian Bahr/Getty Images

    This Cameroonian center from Georgetown played parts of three seasons in the NBA, but his name was so nice, we said it twice.

    It's just fun to say, isn't it?

47. Casey Dick

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    DALLAS - JANUARY 01:  Quarterback Casey Dick #11 of the Arkansas Razorbacks drops back to pass against the Missouri Tigers during the AT&T Cotton Bowl Classic on January 1, 2008 at the Cotton Bowl in Dallas, Texas.  (Photo by Ronald Martinez/Getty Images)
    Ronald Martinez/Getty Images

    I have no idea whether this former Arkansas Razorbacks quarterback is a good guy or not, but his name makes me lean towards no.

46. Bastian Schweinsteiger

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    MUNICH, GERMANY - AUGUST 20:  Bastian Schweinsteiger of Bayern runs with the ball during the Bundesliga match between FC Bayern Muenchen and VfL Wolfsburg at Allianz Arena on August 20, 2010 in Munich, Germany.  (Photo by Clive Brunskill/Getty Images)
    Clive Brunskill/Getty Images

    His name doesn't evoke thoughts of soccer players; it evokes memories of the Franco-Prussian War and General Bastian von Schweinsteiger. 

    No, that's not an actual historical figure, but see what I mean? You totally bought him as a general in 19th-century Germany, didn't you?

45. Chris Fuamatu-Ma'afala

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    PITTSBURGH, PA - JANUARY 5:  Tommy Maddox #8 of the Pittsburgh Steelers hugs teammate Chris Fuamatu-Ma atala #45  after the AFC Wild Card game against the Cleveland Browns at Heinz Field on January 5, 2003 in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. The Steelers won 36-
    Doug Pensinger/Getty Images

    It was between him and Tim Biakabutuka for this spot, but in the end, the "bad Ma'afala" won out, simply because his name took up every inch of space between his shoulders (and he wasn't a little guy either). 

    This one's just fun to say, especially when it's John Madden trying to say it.

44. Creedence Clearwater Couto

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    Yep. That's his actual name. Guess who his parents' favorite band was?

    If you said Styx, you're absolutely right!

43. Pops Mensah-Bonsu

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    ORLANDO, FL - OCTOBER 10:  Marcin Gorta #13 of the Orlando Magic attempts a shot against  Pops Mensah-Bonsu #44 of the New Orleans Hornets during the game at Amway Arena on October 10, 2010 in Orlando, Florida. NOTE TO USER: User expressly acknowledges an
    Sam Greenwood/Getty Images

    We've got yet another one that's just plain fun to say. Plus anyone named "Pops" deserves a spot on this list.

42. Nicky Butt

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    NEWCASTLE UPON TYNE, ENGLAND - DECEMBER 20:  Nicky Butt of Newcastle in action during the  Coca-Cola Championship match between Newcastle United and Middlesbrough at St James' Park on December 20, 2009 in Newcastle upon Tyne, England.  (Photo by Stu Forst
    Stu Forster/Getty Images

    This poor chap didn't stand much of a chance in school, did he? Even if he was better at football than just about everyone on Earth, that didn't stop fans from launching every taunt imaginable.

41. Picabo Street

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    12 Feb 2002:  Picabo Street of the USA competes in the women's downhill final during the Salt Lake City Winter Olympic Games at the Snowbasin ski area in Ogden, Utah. DIGITAL IMAGE. \ Mandatory Credit:   Mike Powell/Getty Images
    Mike Powell/Getty Images

    Street was one of the best female downhill skiers the world has ever seen, but she was more well-known because of her unique name, which was given to her as a toddler. 

    She was named after a town nearby. That just goes to show you that towns should be named for people and not the other way around.

40. Misty Hyman

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    LONG BEACH - JULY 10:  Misty Hyman swims the 200 meter butterfly semifinals during the US Olympic Swimming Team Trials on July 10, 2004 Charter All Digital Aquatics Centre  in Long Beach, California.  (Photo by Al Bello/Getty Images)
    Al Bello/Getty Images

    I think this one speaks for itself. This American swimmer prompted snickers from the entire country when her name was announced during the Olympics.

39. World B. Free

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    Between the name, the short shorts and the receding hairline, the man born Lloyd Bernard Free might be the most ridiculous basketball player in history.

38. Kiki Vandeweghe

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    EAST RUTHERFORD, NJ - JANUARY 15:  Head coach Kiki Vandeweghe of the New Jersey Nets looks on as his team plays the Indiana Pacers at the Izod Center on January 15, 2010 in East Rutherford, New Jersey. NOTE TO USER: User expressly acknowledges and agrees
    Jim McIsaac/Getty Images

    This former NBA player turned head coach has a name that evokes thoughts of a Dutch baroness, or even a tiny schoolgirl, not the general manager of several NBA franchises.

37. Coco Crisp

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    OAKLAND, CA - SEPTEMBER 08:  Coco Crisp #4 of the Oakland Athletics hits an RBI single in the sixth inning against the Seattle Mariners during a Major League Baseball game at the Oakland-Alameda County Coliseum on September 8, 2010 in Oakland, California.
    Jed Jacobsohn/Getty Images

    I don't know whether Crisp is a baseball player or the newest cereal from Kellogg's, part of this complete breakfast. 

36. Miroslav Satan

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    PHILADELPHIA - MAY 07: Miroslav Satan #81 of the Boston Bruins skates against the Philadelphia Flyers in Game Four of the Eastern Conference Semifinals during the 2010 NHL Stanley Cup Finals at the Wachovia Center on May 7, 2010 in Philadelphia, Pennsylva
    Bruce Bennett/Getty Images

    Sure, it's pronounced "Shuh-TAN," but when a name fits your appearance this well, jokes are sure to come. 

    What kind of jokes? He's not just out for goals—he's out for your eternal soul!

35. Irina Slutskaya

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    TURIN - FEBRUARY 24:  (US TV OUT)  Russian figure skater Irina Slutskaya poses for a photo after appearing on NBC's Today Show during the Turin 2006 Winter Olympic Games February 24, 2006 in Turin, Italy. Slutskaya won bronze in Women's figure skating.  (
    Carlo Allegri/Getty Images

    I feel bad for Irina, a Russian bronze medalist at the 2006 Olympics and silver medalist at the 2002 Games.

    She's so darned cute that it's hard to see a name like that fitting her at all. 

34. Randy Johnson

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    WASHINGTON - JUNE 04:  Randy Johnson #51 of the San Francisco Giants pitches against the Washington Nationals at Nationals Park on June 4, 2009 in Washington, DC.  Johnson is vying for his 300th career victory.  (Photo by Greg Fiume/Getty Images)
    Greg Fiume/Getty Images

    Between the mullet, the name that sounds like an Austin Powers porn name and his nickname (The Big Unit), it was hard not to laugh at Randy Johnson.

    Then again, the fact that he threw a baseball 100 miles per hour with pinpoint accuracy helped a lot in that department.

33. Milton Bradley

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    PEORIA, AZ - FEBRUARY 20:  Milton Bradley #15 of the Seattle Mariners poses for a portrait at the Peoria Sports Complex on February 20, 2011 in Peoria, Arizona.  (Photo by Ezra Shaw/Getty Images)
    Ezra Shaw/Getty Images

    His was the name that spawned a thousand sports broadcaster catch phrases, thanks to sharing it with the board game manufacturer.

    If you were going to make him into a board game, though, it would have to be Parker Brothers' Don't Wake Daddy.

    Why? Ultimately, you knew he was going to blow up—you just didn't know when.

32. Spud Webb

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    Webb's high-flyer act wowed crowds throughout his career, but it had to be his name that made people remember him.

    Near the end of his career, Spud started to live up to his name, filling out around the middle. Spud was a nickname, short for Sputnik, given to him by his grandmother as a baby.

31. Chief Kickingstallionsims

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    Chief Kickingstallionsims was a center for Alabama State and Stetson who never averaged better than 8.5 points and 4 rebounds, despite standing 7'1" and having one of the most frightening sounding names of all time.

30. Bimbo Coles

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    7 Nov 2001:  Point guard Bimbo Coles #12 of the Cleveland Cavaliers drives to the basket during the NBA game against the New York Knicks at Madison Square Garden in New York City, New York.  The Knicks defeated the Cavaliers 82-64.  NOTE TO USER: User exp
    Jamie Squire/Getty Images

    This former NBA player was a backup point guard from 1990 through 2004, and his real name was Vernell Eufray Coles.

    You know what? Bimbo actually sounds better.

29. The Mapp Brothers

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    The Mapp brothers were a pair of highly-recruited high school prospects.

    Majestic Mapp, the oldest brother, played for Virginia. Scientific Mapp, the younger brother, played for Florida A&M.

    Neither one made an impact in the NBA, but their names are forever carved in the annals of ridiculous nomenclature and stand as examples of why there should be an application process prior to naming your kids.

28. Taco Wallace

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    SEATTLE - AUGUST 12:  Taco Wallace #10 of the Seattle Seahawks looks to catch the pass before the preseason game against the Dallas Cowboys on August 12, 2006 at Qwest Field in Seattle Washington. (Photo by Otto Greule Jr/Getty Images)
    Otto Greule Jr/Getty Images

    Lawrence Lasalle "Taco" Wallace was a wideout for the Seattle Seahawks, Green Bay Packers and Edmonton Eskimos.

    He also never went by his given name, so Taco Wallace it is.

    I'm not sure how Wallace got that name, but something tells me it involves tequila, ground beef and possibly sour cream.

27. Derek Boogaard

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    NEW YORK - NOVEMBER 14:  Derek Boogaard #94 of the New York Rangers waits for a faceoff during a hockey game against the Edmonton Oilers at Madison Square Garden on November 14, 2010 in New York City.  (Photo by Paul Bereswill/Getty Images)
    Paul Bereswill/Getty Images

    Derek Boogaard is a forward who doesn't score goals. He's not a fast skater and isn't much of a facilitator for teammates.

    So how is he in the NHL? Let's say you mess with one of Derek's teammates. Guess who's getting a heaping helping of Boogeyman? That would be you.

    He beats people up for a living, so it'd be in your best interest not to laugh at his unfortunate name.

26. Hakan Loob

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    Sure, his name sounds like what you do when you've got something caught in your throat. But for six seasons, the Swede charmed the pants off the city of Calgary before vanishing almost as quickly as he appeared.

    Since then, Hakan Loob has become something of a cult icon, thanks in large part to ESPN analyst John Buccigross, who is a firm believer in the church of Loob.

25. Pooh Richardson

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    10 Apr 1997: Guard Terry Dehere of the Los Angeles Clippers stands on the court during a game against the Minnesota Timberwolves at the Los Angeles Sports Arena in Los Angeles, California. The Clippers won the game 108-96.
    Harry How/Getty Images

    When your name is Pooh, it doesn't matter what your last name is. You deserve to be in the top 25 ridiculous names of all-time.

24. Magic Johnson

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    LOS ANGELES, CA - FEBRUARY 01:  Los Angeles Lakers basketball great Magic Johnson speaks during an event announcing naming rights for the new football stadium Farmers Field at Los Angeles Convention Center on February 1, 2011 in Los Angeles, California. A
    Kevork Djansezian/Getty Images

    Did no one think of the consequences here when they gave Earvin Johnson the name "Magic?"

    I'm thinking no, but regardless, it makes for what might be the best adult film star name in human history.

23. Stubby Clapp

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    PHOENIX - MARCH 08:  Stubby Clapp #11 of Team Canada hits a triple against Team USA during the first inning of the Round 1 Pool B Game of the World Baseball Classic on March 8, 2006 at Chase Field in Phoenix, Arizona.  (Photo by Jed Jacobsohn/Getty Images
    Jed Jacobsohn/Getty Images

    Richard Keith "Stubby" Clapp was never known by his real name. This minor league infielder, who got a 23-game cup of coffee in 2001 with the Cardinals, was doomed to infamy by his name, which is still spectacular.

    Anytime your first name's Stubby, it's going to be bad, but when your last name is Clapp, well, that's just asking for trouble.

22. David Seaman

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    MANCHESTER - DECEMBER 13:  David Seaman of Manchester City in action during the FA Barclaycard Premiership match between Manchester United  and Manchester City on December 13, 2003 at Old Trafford in Manchester, England.  Manchester United won the match 3
    Alex Livesey/Getty Images

    This longtime Arsenal keeper was one of the Premiership's best goalies during his time in the league.

    He also has one of the best names in soccer and apparently loves sailing.

21. Stylez G. White

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    NEW ORLEANS - DECEMBER 27:  Stylez G White #91 of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers walks on the field during the game against the New Orleans Saints at the Louisiana Superdome on December 27, 2009 in New Orleans, Louisiana. (Photo by Jamie Squire/Getty Images)
    Jamie Squire/Getty Images

    I wish I could say that Stylez was this Tampa Bay defensive end's nickname, not his real name, but I can't.

    Actually, what am I talking about? The fact that his real name is Stylez G. White makes it that much more awesome.

    I feel like he's an informant on one of those 1970s cop shows or something.

20. God Shammgod

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    23 Mar 1997:  Guard God Shammgod of the Providence Friars moves the ball during a playoff game against the Arizona Wildcats at the Birmingham-Jefferson Community College in Alabama.  Arizona won the game, 96-92. Mandatory Credit: Doug Pensinger  /Allsport
    Doug Pensinger/Getty Images

    Yes, God Shammgod is this former high school and college standout's real name. In high school, he went by Shammgod Wells (because that's so much better) and was teammates with a center named Karim Shabazz.

    That might be the greatest name pairing in human history right there. Can you imagine the announcer calling one of their games?

    "It's God, who lays a sweet alley-oop in there for Shabazz!"

19. Mysterious Walker

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    He's so mysterious that this is the best picture available of him. Mysterious was a three-sport athlete in college and picked baseball to play professionally in the early 20th century.

    He bounced around the big leagues, never sticking with a team for long, before going into coaching in 1916.

    If that's not the definition of living up to your name, I don't know what is.

18. Chubby Cox

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    I don't know why anyone would go by the name Chubby period. But when your last name is Cox, that's just a whole new level of hilarious.

17. Eddie Stanky

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    Stanky was a second baseman with the Cubs, Dodgers, Braves, Giants and Cardinals who was better known for his glove than his bat.

    At the plate, Eddie lived up to his name, hitting better than .285 all of once, with no power or speed on the basepaths. In the field, though, Eddie was as sweet-smelling as a rose, committing few errors for his time.

16. Albert Pujols

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    ST. LOUIS - SEPTEMBER 17: Albert Pujols #5 of the St. Louis Cardinals hits an RBI double against the San Diego Padres at Busch Stadium on September 17, 2010 in St. Louis, Missouri.  (Photo by Dilip Vishwanat/Getty Images)
    Dilip Vishwanat/Getty Images

    I know, I know. His name is Albert, and it's hilarious, right? Jeez, grow up.

15. Rusty Kuntz

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    SURPRISE, AZ - FEBRUARY 25:  First base coach Rusty Kuntz #18 of the Kansas City Royals poses for a portrait during spring training on February 25, 2008 at Suprise Stadium in Surprise, Arizona.  (Photo by Jamie Squire/Getty Images)
    Jamie Squire/Getty Images

    Rusty is a longtime baseball coach who has the unfortunate distinction of having a spectacularly hilarious name.

    No matter how you say his name, you can't help but chuckle.

14. Ron Tugnutt

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    19 Apr 1998:  Goaltender Ron Tugnut of the Ottawa Senators in action during a game against the Buffalo Sabres at the Marine Midland Arena in Buffalo, New York. The Senators defeated the Sabres 2-1. Mandatory Credit: Craig Melvin  /Allsport
    Craig Melvin/Getty Images

    Once again, it doesn't matter what your first name is; if your last name is "Tugnutt," people are going to laugh.

    I don't know how Ron managed to survive high school.

13. Baskerville Holmes

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    Yep, that's actually his real name. This former standout for Memphis State (now known simply as Memphis), who was drafted by the Milwaukee Bucks but never played for them, was in fact given his fantastic name by his mother, who loved Arthur Conan Doyle's books about the fictional detective.

    Holmes died tragically in 1997, but his name lives on in the pantheon of epic athlete nomenclature.

12. Gaylord Perry

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    COOPERSTOWN, NY - JULY 25:  Hall of Famer Gaylord Perry attends the Baseball Hall of Fame induction ceremony at Clark Sports Center on July 25, 20010 in Cooperstown, New York.  (Photo by Jim McIsaac/Getty Images)
    Jim McIsaac/Getty Images

    Wow. This Hall of Fame pitcher doesn't just have one of the funniest names of all-time (anyone named Gaylord is sure to get made fun of, even if he does have a nasty fastball), he also looks like Captain Kangaroo.

11. Boof Bonser

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    OAKLAND, CA - AUGUST 06:  Boof Bonser #52 of the Oakland Athletics pitches against the Texas Rangers at the Oakland-Alameda County Coliseum on August 6, 2010 in Oakland, California.  (Photo by Ezra Shaw/Getty Images)
    Ezra Shaw/Getty Images

    Boof Bonser's original name was John Paul Bonser, but everyone calls him Boof for some reason. He picked the name out as a kid, and it stuck.

    Eventually, he just changed his name to Boof, and a legend was born.

10. Houston Nutt

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    BATON ROUGE, LA - NOVEMBER 20:  Head coach Houston Nutt of the Ole Miss Rebels against the Louisiana State University Tigers at Tiger Stadium on November 20, 2010 in Baton Rouge, Louisiana.  (Photo by Kevin C. Cox/Getty Images)
    Kevin C. Cox/Getty Images

    Is he really the head coach of Ole Miss' football team or a secret adult film star?

    The best part is, he won't even have to change his name if he decides to switch careers.

9. Dick Butkus

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    NEW ORLEANS - MAY 19: 2008 Pro Football Hall of Fame member and legendary Chicago Bears linebacker Dick Butkus takes time to sign footballs for fans in the Fox Cable Networks' booth at the The Cable Show in the Ernest N. Morial Convention Center on May 19
    Skip Bolen/Getty Images

    Sure, his name is funny, but if you knew what was good for you, you never laughed at Dick Butkus (pronounced butt-kiss).

    He'd make sure you never laughed again.

8. Kaka

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    MADRID, SPAIN - FEBRUARY 06: Kaka of Real Madrid  celebrates after scoring Real's first goal  of during the La Liga match between Real Madrid and Real Sociedad at Estadio Santiago Bernabeu on February 6, 2011 in Madrid, Spain.  (Photo by Denis Doyle/Getty
    Denis Doyle/Getty Images

    The playmaking Brazilian midfielder's nickname is also a way to describe a particular bodily function.

    But if he's not playing well, the Real Madrid faithful (or the opposing fans if he is playing well) have a fun name to call him right there, all set up for them.

7. David Goodwillie

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    David's name is bad enough, until you find out that he was charged with rape earlier this year.

    Then the jokes are almost too easy.

6. Jim Bob Cooter

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    I don't even know what to say to this name. There's just so much funny stuff going on here.

    Between the Jim Bob, the Cooter and the fact that he played for Tennessee, it's just too perfect not to earn him a spot in the top 10.

5. Johnny Dickshot

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    Once again, you can't make this stuff up.

    While he was a baseball player by day, Johnny was one of the adult film industry's brightest stars by night.

    Or at least we like to think he was.

4. Dick Trickle

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    9 Feb 1999:  Driver Dick Trickle #5 poses for a studio portrait during the NASCAR Daytona 500 Speedweek - Busch Grand National at the Daytona International Speedway in Daytona Beach, Florida. Mandatory Credit: Jamie Squire  /Allsport
    Jamie Squire/Getty Images

    Poor Dick was born 30 years too soon. If he were racing today, you know his sponsor would be some kind of pharmaceutical company or even a brand of condoms.

    Instead, he missed out on a golden sponsorship opportunity.

3. Danny Shittu

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    BLOEMFONTEIN, SOUTH AFRICA - JUNE 17:  Danny Shittu of Nigeria gestures to a match official after conceding a free kick during the 2010 FIFA World Cup South Africa Group B match between Greece and Nigeria at the Free State Stadium on June 17, 2010 in Mang
    Martin Rose/Getty Images

    This Nigerian defender with the unfortunate name (pronounced exactly how you think it is) was the subject of one of the greatest football chants of all-time.

    During his days with Watford, fans would chant, "Chim-chimeree, chim-chimeree, chim chim, cher-oo! Who needs Sol Campbell when we've got Shittu?"

    And you wonder why I love football.

2. Dick Pole

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    SARASOTA, FL - FEBRUARY 23:  Dick Pole of the Cincinnati Reds poses during Photo Day on February 23, 2007 at Ed Smith Stadium in Sarasota, Florida. (Photo by Al Bello/Getty Images)
    Al Bello/Getty Images

    Sometimes it can take quite a while to come up with a good joke for a slide like this.

    Other times, like in the case of this former major leaguer turned coach, it doesn't take very long at all.

1. Lucious Pusey

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    Lucious here tops the list for obvious reasons. Apart from being a linebacker at Eastern Illinois, he doubles as a Bond villain.

    Seriously, people. When your last name is that ridiculous, why on Earth would you name your son Lucious?

    You might as well tape a sign on his back that says: "Please make fun of me."

    It's going to take quite a while for someone to top Lucious Pusey atop this list, but given what we've seen on this list, odds are good someone will.