A Few Excuses : A Footballer's Manual

Tired of being stuck at working during big games? Running out of excuses to redeem yourself after losing a game? Here are some ideas:

To get out of work early so you can watch football:

1) My grandmother got stuck in the oven. I have to get her out before she bakes herself

Its not like anybody's going to believe you but it's worth a shot!

 2) My pet ant got killed in a gruesome accident involving a very large shoe. It's his funeral today.

Everyone feels for a dead pet ;)

3)I think I left the refrigerator on.

Well, of course! You don't even have to lie!

4)I need to measure a hole in the ozone layer

Global warming is quite a big deal, isn't it? It should get you out of work!

5) They're sending me back to Mars.

Well who would doubt that?!

When you lose a game:

1) It's Friday the 13th, (if it's not then...I have jet lag, it's Friday the 13th for me)

Superstition always works its magic!

 2) Maybe it's because we were still drunk from last night but I swear there were three footballs in front of us!

Okay, so you may not have won, but at least with that you might sound a bit cooler!

3) I don’t like to play in white.

It's not very convincing but after losing a game, trust me you'll use anything you get.

4) I was hungry, the players began to look like chicken.

Something that DOES happen, even if only in cartoons.

5) I was distracted by your beauty.

Here's what you use when its a girl. Hey, just because you didn't win, doesn't mean you don't score.

6) I didn’t lose!! I won second place!

Its true!

OR you could always try

7) I’m sorry, who were we playing?

The amnesia/ denial trick. Pretend it never happened because YOU don't remember it happening.

Cheers!